Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Well my boss now knows...

Yesterday, amidst trying to work in a few new people I managed to get hold of my boss in private for a few mins and told him that I wanted to explain what my issues were so that we no longer had to have uncomfortable talks about how I was doing, without me actually being able to say what the problem was.

We arranged to meet after my work day finished, and to walk to a local bar as I did not want to do it in the office. He did say that I may find he is not as surprised as I thought he was going to be. That made me nervous... Just how badly was I doing at hiding it in the workplace.

We walked to the bar (1/2 mile away from the office) and chatted small stuff.

Got the bar, I got the drinks in and we sat down. First off I asked him what he thought it was if he thought he wasn't going to be surprised. He said simply that he is very liberal, and whatever someone does or is, as long as they do not harras anyone else, is a non issue to him.

I told him my problem and he said. 'Surprised, but not shocked'

After that we discussed it for a an hour or so, and how it would impact my career within the company. I liked what he said. He judges people on performance. Knowing this will neither make my reviews any less, or more, positive than they would be without his knowledge.

He offered his help if there is anything he can do, and added that he knew there probably wasn't but to let him know anyway. He did say that if I need to tell other people I can use him to do it I need to.

He also mentioned, without any mention of it from me, about the gender binary and that he doesn't think that people are 100% male or female, but that they fit some where inbetween.

I have asked him to keep it totally confidential. There is no one else in the office that I have those discussions with, and so there is no reason for anyone else to know. He has said that's fine.

All in all I think it went very well... I guess I'll see how the week goes, and what actually happens at my next performance review.


  1. What a great result!
    Your boss sounds like an open minded and fair man.

  2. A good start! When I told my at-the-time boss, he was cool about it but also thought, and asked, "Why do you want to tell me that?"

  3. I can't imagine that going any better for you. I'm delighted! Don't ya just love liberal, open-minded people?

  4. Thanks all.

    It did go extremely well. He was glad I told him as it will make our talks every three weeks easier.

    I do love open minded liberal people - shame not everyone is...

    I was especially pleased with the it will not change how I see you or appraise your work. Either negatively or positively. I like that a lot. Just treat me as me, as you did yesterday.


  5. That's great news Stace, and I'm sure it's a big load off your mind. Your boss sounds like a good guy.

    Melissa XX

  6. Excellent! I love to read accounts like this, and I'm very happy for you. I especially like that he already had an idea of what you were going to tell him.


  7. Melissa / Dana: It is a huge load of off my mind. Although I couldn't tell you why - we are not particularly close outside of the office. I guess it's just that when he asks me how I am doing at our next meeting I can tell him exactly how I am doing. And explain in a better way than at the cafe how it impacts me on a day to day basis.

    I was actually quite scared when he said he had an idea. Whilst I am getting terrible with my manarisms. I thought that I still hid it quite well...

    As Mrs Stace said when I told her that night "Don't worry too much - when you tell someone you are going through a major issue in your private life, but don't say what there are only certain ways that thoughts can really run"

    It's been a little over a day now since I've told him, and true to his word he's treated me exactly the same.


  8. What a wonderful boss, Stace! I'm glad it went so well for you.

    Calie xxx

  9. Thanks Calie, it is somewhat of a relief to know that I don't have to talk around the issue next time.