I was just reading this and thought it a really great story to share at this time of year...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12043294
Stace
Showing posts with label good. Show all posts
Showing posts with label good. Show all posts
Friday, 24 December 2010
Saturday, 10 April 2010
Never forget
Well I'm just about over the worst of the illness from the last week, as is Mrs Stace, and plan on doing another 15km's on my skates again today.
Thanks for all of your comments on my last post - reading them really touched me (and made me well up a little).
Over the last week I told someone else who I really am. At the most inopportune moment, with almost no time for him to digest the information.
We had a bi-annual quaterly meeting at the office (yes you did read it right...) and about 5 mins before it started I was on the Valdispert again. I had been having a bad day - everything going wrong from the second I woke up until that time and it was creeping into an anxiety attack again. I was with one of the guys I wok with a lot at the office and he asked if I was OK. I told him it was to do with the issues that surfaced last year, he said again I could talk if I wanted to. I decided screw it, why not, it would be easier. So with 5 mins before the meeting started we went for a walk (told you it was not a good moment) and I told him.
He took it well, and said I was not the first person he knew with this. Then we had to get back and into the meeting.
During the break in the meeting we had a drink and took me to one side so no one would hear and said the following with a look of total seriousness on his face:
'Never forget that no matter what differences there are between your head and your body - you are a great, and very nice, person. Always remember that'
I'm welling up just writing that - I just thought that it was such a wonderful thing for him to say. And to take me aside especially to say it. I'm blown away.
Now to see if my weekend can be as good.
Stace
Thanks for all of your comments on my last post - reading them really touched me (and made me well up a little).
Over the last week I told someone else who I really am. At the most inopportune moment, with almost no time for him to digest the information.
We had a bi-annual quaterly meeting at the office (yes you did read it right...) and about 5 mins before it started I was on the Valdispert again. I had been having a bad day - everything going wrong from the second I woke up until that time and it was creeping into an anxiety attack again. I was with one of the guys I wok with a lot at the office and he asked if I was OK. I told him it was to do with the issues that surfaced last year, he said again I could talk if I wanted to. I decided screw it, why not, it would be easier. So with 5 mins before the meeting started we went for a walk (told you it was not a good moment) and I told him.
He took it well, and said I was not the first person he knew with this. Then we had to get back and into the meeting.
During the break in the meeting we had a drink and took me to one side so no one would hear and said the following with a look of total seriousness on his face:
'Never forget that no matter what differences there are between your head and your body - you are a great, and very nice, person. Always remember that'
I'm welling up just writing that - I just thought that it was such a wonderful thing for him to say. And to take me aside especially to say it. I'm blown away.
Now to see if my weekend can be as good.
Stace
Saturday, 6 March 2010
Big week
Well this week has been a big one for me... Lots happened - mostly good, some less so. But I am ending it quite happy.
Obviously the biggest was telling my boss on Monday. He's been absolutely true to his word, and has treated me absolutely the same as before he knew. What more could I have asked for.
I spent Sunday afternoon going trying on old clothes - it seems that the exercise is starting to work - my old jeans that have not fitted for a little while now actually do up (woohoo). Hopefully in a month or so they may even be comfortable enough to wear all day... We'll see.
I've managed to get up to 10KM's on skates now - not quite Sven Kramer time wise (actually nearly three times longer) - but I'm happy to have reached that milestone. Maybe this week I can manage 12. I'm still stuck at 6KM's running, but the time is dropping nicely. In 4 weeks it's the Hilversum City Run - at present schedule I should be good for improving my time from last time. I have a new way of training this week. I brought a heart rate monitor from the internet this week on the advice of a colleague who is insane with sporting. Hopefully I can now do two different types of training each week. One to get me faster for the run, and one to help me lose the weight having a driving license has given me. I never realised that just going all out for it when running is not actually the best way to burn fat - hopefully knowing what my heart is doing is going to let me stay in the right zone for both objectives. Wish me luck...
We had a last minute family dinner last Saturday with Mrs Stace's parents and her sisters family. It was a really nice evening, and everyone seems to have settled there as well. There was only one mention of TG, and that was caused by me. As with my boss it's nice to be treated just as me again. The mention? When desert came around Mrs Stace took her piece first and then her mum offered the bowl to me. Now I've always gone with ladies first, so I said that and passed it to her mum. Mrs Stace and her sister apparently discussed that after the meal (not in a bad way - just commenting on it)...
The snow has now gone, so I took the cover off of the bike and started it to get some charge back into the battery. Oh dear I think is an appropriate response. It started fine, but the throttle is stuck, oil is coming out of the clutch cover, the chain and sprokets are in bad condition and the fork seals are started to break down. Time for a new bike. Mrs Stace is not happy - and we had a big argument about it (that turned out to be about that and the 'other' thing all wrapped up in one). I have a couple of test rides set up for today and just hope that I can get a decent price for mine considering what they will have to do to get it working. I spoke to my parents last night (Dad to get his advice on the bikes, mum to say 'hello' and to get an earful about the bike from her too - I left to get a hair cut and her and Mrs Stace were complaining to each other about me on two wheels).
On that note I think that it's time to grab another cappucino, and make porridge for me and Mrs Stace before getting on my way....
Obviously the biggest was telling my boss on Monday. He's been absolutely true to his word, and has treated me absolutely the same as before he knew. What more could I have asked for.
I spent Sunday afternoon going trying on old clothes - it seems that the exercise is starting to work - my old jeans that have not fitted for a little while now actually do up (woohoo). Hopefully in a month or so they may even be comfortable enough to wear all day... We'll see.
I've managed to get up to 10KM's on skates now - not quite Sven Kramer time wise (actually nearly three times longer) - but I'm happy to have reached that milestone. Maybe this week I can manage 12. I'm still stuck at 6KM's running, but the time is dropping nicely. In 4 weeks it's the Hilversum City Run - at present schedule I should be good for improving my time from last time. I have a new way of training this week. I brought a heart rate monitor from the internet this week on the advice of a colleague who is insane with sporting. Hopefully I can now do two different types of training each week. One to get me faster for the run, and one to help me lose the weight having a driving license has given me. I never realised that just going all out for it when running is not actually the best way to burn fat - hopefully knowing what my heart is doing is going to let me stay in the right zone for both objectives. Wish me luck...
We had a last minute family dinner last Saturday with Mrs Stace's parents and her sisters family. It was a really nice evening, and everyone seems to have settled there as well. There was only one mention of TG, and that was caused by me. As with my boss it's nice to be treated just as me again. The mention? When desert came around Mrs Stace took her piece first and then her mum offered the bowl to me. Now I've always gone with ladies first, so I said that and passed it to her mum. Mrs Stace and her sister apparently discussed that after the meal (not in a bad way - just commenting on it)...
The snow has now gone, so I took the cover off of the bike and started it to get some charge back into the battery. Oh dear I think is an appropriate response. It started fine, but the throttle is stuck, oil is coming out of the clutch cover, the chain and sprokets are in bad condition and the fork seals are started to break down. Time for a new bike. Mrs Stace is not happy - and we had a big argument about it (that turned out to be about that and the 'other' thing all wrapped up in one). I have a couple of test rides set up for today and just hope that I can get a decent price for mine considering what they will have to do to get it working. I spoke to my parents last night (Dad to get his advice on the bikes, mum to say 'hello' and to get an earful about the bike from her too - I left to get a hair cut and her and Mrs Stace were complaining to each other about me on two wheels).
On that note I think that it's time to grab another cappucino, and make porridge for me and Mrs Stace before getting on my way....
Saturday, 5 December 2009
Wednesday Morning 3am
Well Saturday morning 7am... But still too early to be up and doing stuff.
To begin with appologies for the Americanism that's about to follow but I cant think of an appropriate English phrase :)
It's been a hell of a week
In the office it was a little sombre as you can imagine - slowly getting back to normal towards the end. There was a rememberance book for those who wanted to sign, but in the beginning it was on his desk - and I just can't do emotions publically.
It was moved after the first day to a private room, and on Wednesday when I got to the office I went and left my message. I welled up as I wrote it, just a simple couple of lines.
On the personal issues front things have changed a lot in the last couple of weeks. The epiphany from a couple of weeks ago came from reading Calies profile. Trans, non-transitioning, happily married.
After 30 years of knwoing, but not quite totally accepting myself this just jumped at me. And caused some more sleepless nights.
My issue now is that my better half knows about my dressing, and I think has an idea that it goes further. But I haven't told her everything. I'm ashamed of the last, but got scared. I really want to tell her everything - and I think that I have to for the sake of my head - but the thought of doing it terrifies me. When we first talked of the dressing she said it could never go further as she does not want a relationship with a woman. Whether she means transitioned or not I don't know.
I would not transition - I have too much invested in my life to do that, but I do not know what she would make of full disclosure... Sorry I'm starting to ramble here.
I did however come out to a friend. In totalness. More sleepless nights. But he has been fantastic - I'm not the first person he knows who is trans, and he actually acted exactly the same as I did when a uni friend came out to me. As in not making a big deal about it. I've been wanting to say it for a while - but finally plucked up the courage.
He's gay and when we go drinking it's normally in his local - a gay bar - where they have a screen with pictures of parties on the wall. A few of the people who go to the bar parties are also drag queens - I joked that maybe they should learn how to wear a dress (rather too much on display... - not *that* much but too much - but I digress). I had decided that I was going to do it and asked him to walk to the station with me.
On the way I told him I had something I needed to say - to which he responded that he had a feeling I had something to say for a while.
I went on to say I pointed out the guys who needed to learn how to wear a dress was... Because I knew how to wear one.
'Oh is that all'
'No... not really'
'Oh no, poor you'
He said that he was honoured that I trusted him enough to tell him, and let me know that it was safe with him and any time I needed someone to talk to he was there. Oddly enough he' had head issues himself recently and I said exactly the same thing to him.
Unfortunately at that point my train turned up and I had to leg it. I got a couple of supportive SMS's from him on the way home. Which I had to delete as we both share the phones at night if we need to send / receive an SMS and I'm not ready to tell her that I've come out to someone else yet.
We've spoken since. I said I was surprised that nobody had questioned anything. I've noticed reently that my mannerisms have changed a little. Plus I shave my arms and hands weekly and have an emeryboard on my desk, and I now have slightly long nails that are shaped a little... He just said he had an idea of something - but not how much.
I'm still in two minds about whether it was a good idea. It feels great to have offloaded it after 30 years, a weight has been lifted. It's nice to be able to talk about it. But someone now knows my secret, and I I always have this nagging doubt that talking about things is self obsessed - when I do it - I'll happily listen to others as much as they need, just feel that I am encroaching on others when I do it. (and with that an appology for long self obsessed post...)
Anyway - I hope this post doesn't read too negative. I actuallly see this week as a positive week. Apart from the lack of sleep due to a brain that is working overtime, I feel all the better for it.
And on a techy last note I have to recomend a remote from logitech. The Harmony 525. We got one last night , spent a long time programming it for all the tasks that we have (Watch TV, Watch a BluRay, Listen to the radio etc etc etc). It works great. You point it at the tv system and it does everything for you in one click of a button. As opposed to many clicks of many remotes that we had previously. Well worth the money, and it's great to have one remote instead of 7. Looks kind of classy too as opposed to some of the other universal remotes you can get.
Appologies again for the super long post. Once I started typing I found it hard to stop...
BTW: If any of you haven't already - I recommend this on Bree's blog. I thought it was a very interesting piece.
(Lyrics: Simon and Garfunkle)
To begin with appologies for the Americanism that's about to follow but I cant think of an appropriate English phrase :)
It's been a hell of a week
In the office it was a little sombre as you can imagine - slowly getting back to normal towards the end. There was a rememberance book for those who wanted to sign, but in the beginning it was on his desk - and I just can't do emotions publically.
It was moved after the first day to a private room, and on Wednesday when I got to the office I went and left my message. I welled up as I wrote it, just a simple couple of lines.
On the personal issues front things have changed a lot in the last couple of weeks. The epiphany from a couple of weeks ago came from reading Calies profile. Trans, non-transitioning, happily married.
After 30 years of knwoing, but not quite totally accepting myself this just jumped at me. And caused some more sleepless nights.
My issue now is that my better half knows about my dressing, and I think has an idea that it goes further. But I haven't told her everything. I'm ashamed of the last, but got scared. I really want to tell her everything - and I think that I have to for the sake of my head - but the thought of doing it terrifies me. When we first talked of the dressing she said it could never go further as she does not want a relationship with a woman. Whether she means transitioned or not I don't know.
I would not transition - I have too much invested in my life to do that, but I do not know what she would make of full disclosure... Sorry I'm starting to ramble here.
I did however come out to a friend. In totalness. More sleepless nights. But he has been fantastic - I'm not the first person he knows who is trans, and he actually acted exactly the same as I did when a uni friend came out to me. As in not making a big deal about it. I've been wanting to say it for a while - but finally plucked up the courage.
He's gay and when we go drinking it's normally in his local - a gay bar - where they have a screen with pictures of parties on the wall. A few of the people who go to the bar parties are also drag queens - I joked that maybe they should learn how to wear a dress (rather too much on display... - not *that* much but too much - but I digress). I had decided that I was going to do it and asked him to walk to the station with me.
On the way I told him I had something I needed to say - to which he responded that he had a feeling I had something to say for a while.
I went on to say I pointed out the guys who needed to learn how to wear a dress was... Because I knew how to wear one.
'Oh is that all'
'No... not really'
'Oh no, poor you'
He said that he was honoured that I trusted him enough to tell him, and let me know that it was safe with him and any time I needed someone to talk to he was there. Oddly enough he' had head issues himself recently and I said exactly the same thing to him.
Unfortunately at that point my train turned up and I had to leg it. I got a couple of supportive SMS's from him on the way home. Which I had to delete as we both share the phones at night if we need to send / receive an SMS and I'm not ready to tell her that I've come out to someone else yet.
We've spoken since. I said I was surprised that nobody had questioned anything. I've noticed reently that my mannerisms have changed a little. Plus I shave my arms and hands weekly and have an emeryboard on my desk, and I now have slightly long nails that are shaped a little... He just said he had an idea of something - but not how much.
I'm still in two minds about whether it was a good idea. It feels great to have offloaded it after 30 years, a weight has been lifted. It's nice to be able to talk about it. But someone now knows my secret, and I I always have this nagging doubt that talking about things is self obsessed - when I do it - I'll happily listen to others as much as they need, just feel that I am encroaching on others when I do it. (and with that an appology for long self obsessed post...)
Anyway - I hope this post doesn't read too negative. I actuallly see this week as a positive week. Apart from the lack of sleep due to a brain that is working overtime, I feel all the better for it.
And on a techy last note I have to recomend a remote from logitech. The Harmony 525. We got one last night , spent a long time programming it for all the tasks that we have (Watch TV, Watch a BluRay, Listen to the radio etc etc etc). It works great. You point it at the tv system and it does everything for you in one click of a button. As opposed to many clicks of many remotes that we had previously. Well worth the money, and it's great to have one remote instead of 7. Looks kind of classy too as opposed to some of the other universal remotes you can get.
Appologies again for the super long post. Once I started typing I found it hard to stop...
BTW: If any of you haven't already - I recommend this on Bree's blog. I thought it was a very interesting piece.
(Lyrics: Simon and Garfunkle)
Tuesday, 1 December 2009
Phone calls...
Well I'm working from home again, third time lucky for the guy from Sealskin to fix the shower cubicle... He's been and gone and so I am working as Stace yet again.
About 30 mins ago I got a call from the phone company offering to transfer my internet connection to them with a nice discount. I am actually interested in doing this, so listened and answered. Once again I was mistaken for Mrs and not Mr. :) That meant I could do my normal walking whilst talking wihtout having to struggle out of my shoes whilst still holding the phone.
I had a long conversation about what I could and couldn't do, all the time en femme. It was actually quite nice. Except... The assumption that I had absolutely 0 technical knowledge. Whether that was because they thought they were speaking to a woman, or because the woman on the end of the phone also had limited technical knowledge I am not sure - but it did stand out that when I asked what type of modem the subscription came with I was told 'One that you do not even need cables to use it with your computer, and that you can use multiple computers with'.
I wanted to know if it was gong to be as reliable as my LinkSys one that I have at present - but without a model number I gues I am not going to find that out.
Ho hum. To be honest I just quite enjoyed taking the en femme role on once she thought I was a she...
About 30 mins ago I got a call from the phone company offering to transfer my internet connection to them with a nice discount. I am actually interested in doing this, so listened and answered. Once again I was mistaken for Mrs and not Mr. :) That meant I could do my normal walking whilst talking wihtout having to struggle out of my shoes whilst still holding the phone.
I had a long conversation about what I could and couldn't do, all the time en femme. It was actually quite nice. Except... The assumption that I had absolutely 0 technical knowledge. Whether that was because they thought they were speaking to a woman, or because the woman on the end of the phone also had limited technical knowledge I am not sure - but it did stand out that when I asked what type of modem the subscription came with I was told 'One that you do not even need cables to use it with your computer, and that you can use multiple computers with'.
I wanted to know if it was gong to be as reliable as my LinkSys one that I have at present - but without a model number I gues I am not going to find that out.
Ho hum. To be honest I just quite enjoyed taking the en femme role on once she thought I was a she...
Monday, 14 September 2009
Monday, Monday
Good morning all, time to start another week!!!
Well after weeks of feeling down, depressed and tired as hell I'm finally feeling like I'm getting back.
Seems like a long time since I've been this settled - and I think that it was a lot of things starting to pile on top of each other.
Firstly the whole 'crossdressing' weight on my mind was getting to me. A discussion with my other half (as discussed in an earlier post) helped a lot here, and a discussion with a friend settled me too. He's the only person who I told how I was felling in my head (though I did not say why...) and he came up with a couple of idea's as he has been going through similar issues - with his head, not with dressing - and has some experience.
1) See someone professional - he said that he could see the issues I was having for a few weeks and need to sort it before it gets too much. Not quite ready for that yet, but never say never.
2) He gave me a diary - just to write down what is in my head when I need to. Just get everything out and on paper. I did this on the train going home last week. Started off not knowing what to do, ended up writing three pages of the most personal stuff in my head and before I knew it I was nearly at the other end.
The diary has *really* cleared my head. I slept for the first time in weeks that night without waking up until the alarm went off. And it's stayed that way since. Can definately recomend it if you are going through a rough patch... I now keep it with me at all times. Only problem is that I'm terrified that someone is going to find it. It's not quite as annonymous as this blog is with it being in my possession at all times :)
The other big thing that happened recently is my dad, who's only 59, had a heart attack about 6 weeks ago. That completely knocked me for 6. That fact that I left the UK a decade ago and he's over 1000 miles away doesn't help either.
But he's now had surgery and is recovering very well. That's a big weight lifted off of my shoulders as well. Can't wait to see my folks again the next time they come over.
So time to start another weeks work, let's see if the good attitude continues.
TTFN,
Stace
PS: Wayhay!!! My first follower Lynn! Thanks - for the comment too. I was wondering whether to remove the techy bit from the blog, but I think I'll leave it in. It may even appear later this week :)
Well after weeks of feeling down, depressed and tired as hell I'm finally feeling like I'm getting back.
Seems like a long time since I've been this settled - and I think that it was a lot of things starting to pile on top of each other.
Firstly the whole 'crossdressing' weight on my mind was getting to me. A discussion with my other half (as discussed in an earlier post) helped a lot here, and a discussion with a friend settled me too. He's the only person who I told how I was felling in my head (though I did not say why...) and he came up with a couple of idea's as he has been going through similar issues - with his head, not with dressing - and has some experience.
1) See someone professional - he said that he could see the issues I was having for a few weeks and need to sort it before it gets too much. Not quite ready for that yet, but never say never.
2) He gave me a diary - just to write down what is in my head when I need to. Just get everything out and on paper. I did this on the train going home last week. Started off not knowing what to do, ended up writing three pages of the most personal stuff in my head and before I knew it I was nearly at the other end.
The diary has *really* cleared my head. I slept for the first time in weeks that night without waking up until the alarm went off. And it's stayed that way since. Can definately recomend it if you are going through a rough patch... I now keep it with me at all times. Only problem is that I'm terrified that someone is going to find it. It's not quite as annonymous as this blog is with it being in my possession at all times :)
The other big thing that happened recently is my dad, who's only 59, had a heart attack about 6 weeks ago. That completely knocked me for 6. That fact that I left the UK a decade ago and he's over 1000 miles away doesn't help either.
But he's now had surgery and is recovering very well. That's a big weight lifted off of my shoulders as well. Can't wait to see my folks again the next time they come over.
So time to start another weeks work, let's see if the good attitude continues.
TTFN,
Stace
PS: Wayhay!!! My first follower Lynn! Thanks - for the comment too. I was wondering whether to remove the techy bit from the blog, but I think I'll leave it in. It may even appear later this week :)
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
Still going...
Hmm... I was going to try for a post a week... On the way home from work today I had a head full of idea's for what to write. Then when I opened the post window... Nothing... Gone... Empty head.
Let's see what comes out when I start to write...
Overall I'm in a swinging well this week between my two states of happy and depressed.
On one hand I had a review at my job today and it went great. Not only are they still happy with me (always good in this climat) but we also got to talk about my short comings (mainly that I am too short with people when it's not going great) and my lack of self confidence. It actually felt good to open up (a little at least) and made me think maybe I do need to speak to someone professionally. (Generally happy)
It also made me think that maybe I should talk to my other half more - but that is not always easy to do when you don't actually know what you want to say... (Currently depressed)
Hmm... Lots to think about - which doesn't actually help matters...
I was actually aiming for a happier overall tone to this post... See if I can find something nice to add at the end of the week.
Let's see what comes out when I start to write...
Overall I'm in a swinging well this week between my two states of happy and depressed.
On one hand I had a review at my job today and it went great. Not only are they still happy with me (always good in this climat) but we also got to talk about my short comings (mainly that I am too short with people when it's not going great) and my lack of self confidence. It actually felt good to open up (a little at least) and made me think maybe I do need to speak to someone professionally. (Generally happy)
It also made me think that maybe I should talk to my other half more - but that is not always easy to do when you don't actually know what you want to say... (Currently depressed)
Hmm... Lots to think about - which doesn't actually help matters...
I was actually aiming for a happier overall tone to this post... See if I can find something nice to add at the end of the week.
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