Well after the joy and fun of the last few days I came down to earth with a bit of a bump yesterday.
I actually had a great day, but a couple of incidents left me feeling quite guilty.
The second (less important to me, but it still got to me) was yesterday evening. I arrange to meet someone I used to work with to watch the Six Nations match between England and Scotland. We met at the station and got chatting about how she was doing, after being unemployed for a number of months she has finaly got a job and she was radiant with it. She asked about how things were going for me, she knows about the recent re-organisation which has left me with a team dedicated to mainly small maintenance - which is not the most exciting of work. She asked if I was OK with that and I just said yes I could do with the simple life for now. She then asked if everything was OK at home and I just said yes fine. I hate lying, but there is no way I would come out to her, and I can't say how things are at home without mentioning it. It just felt wrong and got to me a little on the way home.
The first was yesterday afternoon. Mrs Stace was getting ready, putting her contacts in in front of the mirror. I stood behind her giving her a hug and kissing her neck. She smiled and then suddenly got a strange look on her face. I asked too much too soon? She said no, but looking at my reflection in the mirror I just looked so much like a boyish woman.
She was not being nasty, she wasn't angry. But she looked hurt and confused. I felt awful for her. But... The guilt comes from me taking it as a compliment. I felt terrible for her, but to me it was such a nice thing to hear. I feel like such a git for taking it that way - but I can't see it in any other light no matter how hard I try.