Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Another Week, Another Title

Just a quick post this week, to make sure I keep up the habit.

It's been a rollacoaster week. The grandmother of my wife passed away, the funeral was yesterday. It was as bad / good as expected. Some people said some really nice things and I think that as well as the sadness there was also a lot of happy memories that people shared.

In between consoling my wife I've still had to keep working and slogging away in the bathroom helping my brother finish on time.

Add to that having to shower anywhere possible (at work, realitves or neighbours homes) and we're shattered. As the bathroom should be finsihed in a few days I hope life can get back to normal as soon as possible.

One last (happier) thought before I go... How do you complement a girl on the way she dresses without seeming like your (a) interested (I'm not) or (b) way too interested in womens clothes (I am :) )

Monday, 14 September 2009


Well what do you know... More than a week without a post and then two in one day...

I just wanted to post this for two reasons...

One to say how do you mix crossdressing and DIY? (Not at the same time I have to add) I've just removed most of my knuckles removing tiles from the bathroom wall and left my hand that rough that I'm worried if I put anything other than 60 deniers tights on I'd rip them to shreds in seconds if I tried to put them on now :)

The second... Slightly more thought inducing. I have a colleage who I get on with very well. Most of the time. But over the last week I've taken to eating salads for lunch. Partly because I was bored with sandwiches, and partly because I want to loose weight! This guy now spends a few mins each lunch telling me to get some testosterone instead of eating this womens food. What can I say 'little does he know.' But, I have to say it also winds me up to some extent - but there is nothing I can say about it. I certainly couldn't tell say that to him :)

Anyway... That's all for now... Not trying to be negative here - still shining brightly for now.

Monday, Monday

Good morning all, time to start another week!!!

Well after weeks of feeling down, depressed and tired as hell I'm finally feeling like I'm getting back.

Seems like a long time since I've been this settled - and I think that it was a lot of things starting to pile on top of each other.

Firstly the whole 'crossdressing' weight on my mind was getting to me. A discussion with my other half (as discussed in an earlier post) helped a lot here, and a discussion with a friend settled me too. He's the only person who I told how I was felling in my head (though I did not say why...) and he came up with a couple of idea's as he has been going through similar issues - with his head, not with dressing - and has some experience.

1) See someone professional - he said that he could see the issues I was having for a few weeks and need to sort it before it gets too much. Not quite ready for that yet, but never say never.

2) He gave me a diary - just to write down what is in my head when I need to. Just get everything out and on paper. I did this on the train going home last week. Started off not knowing what to do, ended up writing three pages of the most personal stuff in my head and before I knew it I was nearly at the other end.

The diary has *really* cleared my head. I slept for the first time in weeks that night without waking up until the alarm went off. And it's stayed that way since. Can definately recomend it if you are going through a rough patch... I now keep it with me at all times. Only problem is that I'm terrified that someone is going to find it. It's not quite as annonymous as this blog is with it being in my possession at all times :)

The other big thing that happened recently is my dad, who's only 59, had a heart attack about 6 weeks ago. That completely knocked me for 6. That fact that I left the UK a decade ago and he's over 1000 miles away doesn't help either.

But he's now had surgery and is recovering very well. That's a big weight lifted off of my shoulders as well. Can't wait to see my folks again the next time they come over.

So time to start another weeks work, let's see if the good attitude continues.


PS: Wayhay!!! My first follower Lynn! Thanks - for the comment too. I was wondering whether to remove the techy bit from the blog, but I think I'll leave it in. It may even appear later this week :)

Saturday, 5 September 2009

Go with the flow

Since the last post things have improved in life.

During the evening I thought about how to bring up the subject with my other half again. I didn't quite manage it until we were already reading in bed (BTW Really not the right time to do it...). It was a fairly heavy, but short discussion. I said what was on my mind, she said what she thought about it and tried to reassure me about how she feels - still doesn't want to be involved, but told me to continue - and discussed what to wear (we are about the same size so share some of our clothes - yes she does wear mine as well). I did feal somewhat reassured afterwards.

It took me a while to get to sleep afterwards, but things have been better since. On top of feeling better we have actually started talk about it a little day to day - at least including it in the conversation. See how things go over the next month or so.

As for the blog... I think I a going to change it a little... I was going to group everything together - but think I'll specialise a little more. I was going to d my first techie post. I had a great idea for a post ffrom the last couple of days at work. But... I just don't think that I discussing passing Enums around using .Net SOAP web services fits in with the other content. So I'll be making a new one. If it's going to be Stacy or my other self I am not sure of yet either... I would prefer to keep it as Stacy - but it's not something I can use on my CV... But is it really worth putting it on the CV... Thinking time I think.

To close I just have to link to this article. Well worth a read!

Wednesday, 2 September 2009

Still going...

Hmm... I was going to try for a post a week... On the way home from work today I had a head full of idea's for what to write. Then when I opened the post window... Nothing... Gone... Empty head.

Let's see what comes out when I start to write...

Overall I'm in a swinging well this week between my two states of happy and depressed.

On one hand I had a review at my job today and it went great. Not only are they still happy with me (always good in this climat) but we also got to talk about my short comings (mainly that I am too short with people when it's not going great) and my lack of self confidence. It actually felt good to open up (a little at least) and made me think maybe I do need to speak to someone professionally. (Generally happy)

It also made me think that maybe I should talk to my other half more - but that is not always easy to do when you don't actually know what you want to say... (Currently depressed)

Hmm... Lots to think about - which doesn't actually help matters...

I was actually aiming for a happier overall tone to this post... See if I can find something nice to add at the end of the week.