Wednesday, 31 March 2010

False Hope, Panic and Validations

I've had a bit of a mixed bag over the last couple of weeks. I've been really down, a couple of anxiety attacks meaning that I had to walk out from my office with my eyes welling up five minutes before a meeting last week and I've been back on my Validispert herbal tablets again. The reasons I won't go into just yet. I have not worked then through my head properly yet...  (But please don't panic - it's nothing bad)


The fasle hope in the title comes from last Thursday. I had just finished my weekly run with colleagues and called Mrs Stace to let her know that I had left and would be home in an hour or so.

She told me that there was a letter from the VU (the hospital where the gender clinic is based) so we assumed it was the date for my first appointment. Hope.

Then the panic started about what this means for my life (is this normal?). It made for a not very pleasent drive home.

I got in picked up the letter and looked at it for a while, Mrs Stace asked what was wrong, I told her I was panicing a little. Eventually opened it and found out that it wasn't the appointment after all. (False Hope then).

They are having a lecture on the details of the treatment, and it was an invitation for me (and family & friends) to go and see what the process involes. From first appointment through to after GRS care.

Me and Mrs Stace are going, I don't think we'll be taking the family along. Mrs Stace is concerned because it covers the whole process - which is not my aim at present. But we've discussed it and seeing as whether I go down the path or not it's useful information, and the first phase is something that will affect me no matter what.

The validations... Phone calls again. But I was over the moon - it really picked me up yesterday.

I had to call UPS as they have messed up the invoice of sending my amp back to Cyrus - and it's now (incorrectly) in the financial system of my employer...

I called them, got into a bit of a heated discussion and kept being told 'Calm down madam' by the person on the other end of the phone :) Even when I was quite angry... Mrs Stace thought that I would get too distracted by being happy with the 'madam' to keep focused on why I was angry with them, but I managed it ;p

And the other... I have to have a medical check-up to transfer my UK license to an NL one, as the UK license from the 90's has a whole bunch of interesting categories that you have to take seperate tests for in Holland - complete with regular medicals. So I called the 'Arbo' doctors who can do the test, gave them my name and address (gender was never asked) and recieved a letter yesterday that started with 'Dear Mrs' (Well 'mevrouw' - but close enough).

(Oh, and for Leslie - my current ear worm is 'The Blue Danube' from the 1987 Vienna New Years Concert)

Sunday, 28 March 2010

Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh (and a sad goodbye)

Firstly, when reading the blogs that I follow yesterday I (like most of the blogsphere that I know) got a huge shock when I saw what is to be the last post from Lori.

As I posted on your blog Lori, I wish you and your family all the best for the future.  You are going to be sorely missed by the many people on whom your blog has had a large, positive impact. Tot ziens.

Training...  I am now  4 weeks from the Hilversum City Run, where I am doing the 5KM and my training is starting to get more intensive.

I've switched my routine around so that I am gentle at the weekends for fat burning, and take my Thursday group run at a much higher pace (Intensity 2 at weekends, 3 on Thursdays) as I have found a running partner there that wants to keep up with me.  The upshot of that is that I can now run comfortably with a heart rate of 160 - 170 for 30 minutes - which is what I need for the 5KM's, and yesterday managed to skate 19KM's in 60 mins, and had plenty left over, with a rate of 140-150.

I'm really starting to enjoy the exercising now - almost to the extent that I am not having to really push myself to hard to actually leave the house, and the hour on skates went really quickly yesterday - even when I stopped the timer on my heart rate meter accidently with my wrist guard and didn't realise for a KM or so. Oops :-)

And it's working!  I've lost 2 or 3 inches from my waist over the last 4 months, and lost 1.5KG in the last 60 days.  With no dieting, and still enjoying the odd cider and glass of wine.

I just hope the weather holds until the end of the Australian GP so I can run in the dry :)


Friday, 26 March 2010

A few highs

This week (well the past couple of weeks really) has been quite difficult, at present I still have to work everything through in my head before I can start to think about how to blog about it.

But there have also been some great highs, much more fun to share :)

The great bag search of the last 12 months is finally over.  Since I brought a little netbook for working on the train (and subsequently switched for a ultra portable laptop so I could also code as well as read / write documents) I've had to carry a laptop bag with me.  Initially I just used a rucksack with the netbook in it's neoprene sleve, but that didn't work too well trying to find it in all the junk that also got threw in the bag whilst on a train.

About a year ago I gave up looking for something stylish, gender neutral, and that I was happy to carry around with me and went for this:
It did the job, but I never really liked it.  I did find one that I loved last year (a Kipling) but didn't have the spare cash at the time, and have never found the same bag since...

This week Mrs Stace finally got her laptop from work so that she can work from home when she has to do strange hours (half of her team is in Houston so meetings can be arrange at stange hours for us Europeans).  She didn't want to use the bag that came with it as it screams laptop - something she didn't want as a single woman travelling 30 miles by train to work.  So we decided that we would both restart the great bag hunt and see what we could find.

After trying several shops I had almost given up again - if you want pink or a something that I would not get away with in bloke mode then you can get a laptop bag that doesn't look like a laptop bag easily.  If not you're are going to struggle.

Then I read Nicky's entry on handbags and it got me in the mood to try again... It also suddenly dawned on me.  I'm a web developer / project manager working for the largest internet insurance broker in the Netherlands.  Why was I trapsing around in the hope of seeing something I liked, rather than searching online for something and going for specific searches in the shops.  'Doh' moment :)

Got the Kipling site and found the bag I wanted immediately:

It's a Kipling Becky, and almost imposible to find outside of the Kipling shop :(

But a few calls to the shops in Hilversum and I managed to get one.  They had two in the shop - grey (as above) and black.  Looking at it with the shop assistant I decided the black would be the better idea, as I commented to her I thought people may comment on the grey if I turned up to the office with it.  As she was starting to sort it I decided to call Mrs Stace - she checked the images online and thought I could get away with the grey...  So I changed my mind and got the one I went for in the first place - the shop assistant thought I was crazy but...  Happy happy, joy joy :)

The bag istelf is about the size of a 15" laptop, plenty of space for everything I take to work with me everyday.  I'm really pleased with it.  Looks like an oversized handbag, but is oversized enough that I have not yet had any comments on it...

The other high this week came from whilst at Schiphol airport searching for laptop bags.  There was a cosmestics stand in the middle of the floor who were stopping to acost people as they passed.  I let myself be stopped (something I don't normally do) and they demonstrated nail care products.  It was quite nice to have it done, the dounside being I was left with one shiny nail...  I was impressed though with how shiny it well it worked without having any varnish though.  Didn't buyt it (I thought that buying two laptop bags this week was expenditure enough) - a good idea in the end as the shiny one is now as dull as the others again...  One thing that surprised me was that they were stopping more men than women...

Oh and one last one... I discovered that I had a hole in my short pockets last Sunday.  I discovered this when I trie to open the front door to find I had no keys...

After spending the day buying new barrels for the locks, and fitting them, we were all secure again - but it meant I needed a new keyring.  I found this one at Schiphol:
And got this one for Mrs Stace:

It may not be the collection of Jess, but we like them :) 

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Aghhh, the **** NHS

OK may seem odd coming from someone who has not personally had anything directly to do with the NHS for 11 years or so, but I have indirectly since I told my parents.

My mum went to her Doctor to find out who she could speak to to help her understand the bombshell I dropped on New Years Eve.  Apparently the doctor tried to be helpful, and did some investigations for her.  The result is what has riled me.

The only thing the NHS will do for my parents is...  Refer them to a sexual health clinic.  To discuss how my news on being transgender has affected them.  *I* wouldn't expect to be sent to a sexual health clinic if I went to the doctor there and said I needed to speak to someone out it, so why on earth should my parents be sent there?  It's insanity...

On top of that, and the real stange one for me.  They won't speak to my parents about how it is affecting them unless I go in person (1600km's away 99% of the year) to give my permission as their feelings are connected to my news.  WTF.  What right do I have to say my parents can't discuss their own feelings.

I just don't get it...  I think I'm going to have to do some searching for them and find a private therapist.

Other than that it was a nice chat again.  We hadn't spoken for a while, and yesterday I just a text from her asking how we were so I gave her a call.

And lied a little...  I've been pretty down the last couple of weeks, but didn't really want to get into it last night.  No doubt we'll talk again soon and we can go over it in more detail.

And...  She's sent me my yearly package of Mini Eggs!  I am totally addicted to these things, but you can't find them over here. Ergo each Easter I get a red cross package full of them :)  They take a while to arrive though - they were posted more than a week ago, and still no sign of them.  I hope the postie hasn't eaten them!

Update: They are located in the far North of Scotland (about 30 miles north of Inverness) - which doesn't help...  (Thanks Chrissie for pointing out that I missed this )

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Biker attitudes to boys and girls...

As many of you know from previous posts I have recently replaced my aging Suzuki SV650 S with a Yamaha R6.

Before taking the plunge I joined the R6 forum to try and get some information.  When I join an online community these days I join as Stacy.

In order to be polite I posted pics once I got the bike.  I was surprised at the replies. A lot of welcoming and people comments on the bike itself, and one comment asking when I was going to pose nude photos.

[quote]got any nudes with the bike?[/quote]

My answer:
[quote]Err, no nudes... I like my bikes with fairing[/quote]

When did it become OK to ask these types of questions? And talk about giving bikers a bad name...

And to think in a few years my little niece is going to start using computers...  I just hope she has sense.

Sunday, 21 March 2010

Bad TV is good for something

I have a secret...  A very embarrising secret...

I like bad TV.  I like the highbrow stuff of BBC 4 (Only Connect is one of my favorite shows). I also like the really bad stuff...  Like 'Snog, Marry, Avoid'...  There it's out - don't judge me...

But...  There is a reason to this soul bearing.  In S.M.A. they give makeup tips, two of which I tried this weekend, and was so amazed that they actually worked I thought I'd share them :)

I have trouble with nail varnish.  My hands have always shook (when I tried to join the airforce my mum always said they would know which plane I was in - it would be the one going side to side insteadof straight), and whilst I can just about do my left hand, when I try to use my left hand to do the right it's a mess no matter how hard I try or how long I take.

On top of that I always think they have dried long before they really have and end up ruining what I do get right.

Tip 1: Quick Dry
When you have finished painting put your hands in cold water for a min. This sets the surface really quickly

Tip 2: Messy Fingers
Do you nails before washing up (or having a shower / bath) and don't be too fussy about keeping it neat.  It means you can paint you nails in a a minute or so and leave to dry (not forgetting tip 1).  Sure your fingers look messy but...  Whilst in the water the nail polish that is on the skin softens, whilst the polis that is on the nails stays hard.  Most if it flakes off, and that which doesn't you can pick off easily.

I wasn't expecting this to work, but was pleasently surprised yesterday when both tips worked great.  Plus it gave the added advantage of being able to spend the weekend in clear nail polish - thought seeing as it does make the nails a lot shinier than normal I guess I'll be removing it tonight before going to work tomorrow :(

Saturday, 20 March 2010


A bit of an up and down week this time.  Still feeling a bit from last weekend (much to Mrs Stace's annoyance), and possibly a little more clingy than normal.

That said, the week itself has not gone too badly.  I've had quite a productive week at work - playing with Team Foundation Server 2010 readying myself for the upgrade that is going to happen later this year (the fun part of being team lead is that I can pretty much decide how I spend my days providing the team has work, and regular tasks are completed on time).  Looks so much nicer than the old 2008 version, and the installation routine has been made a doddle - click through wizzard and away it goes.  See how an the upgrade from our current server goes in a couple of weeks.

And the weather has been kind enough to allow me to take the bike a couple of times this week.  Froze my hands off in the morning, but in the evening coming home it was fanatastic.  Roll on warmer mornings!

Speaking of the bike...  Here's what she looks like:

Not bad for something 7 years old I think...

Thursday, 18 March 2010

Google knows me too well!!!! And LinkedIn is useful!


I just got back to my desk to find a mail from reception that I missed a call whilst away, giving the name and number of the person who called.

Not recognising the name, nor the company I googled it to see if I could guess what he was calling about.

The first result back from Google for the company name was for womens clothing.  Now, my boss may know about me but I don't see companies calling me at work about this :)  I hope :o

Eventually found who he was using LinkedIn :)  Quite a useful searching tool, especially when the person you are searching for is connected to your industry and so is already connected via other people.

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Evil Mortgage People

I'm sitting here writing this as I can't actually do any work...  I've been a state of limbo for the last 60 mins waiting for an advisor to call me back to sort out transfering my mortgage to a new company.

With no call.  On top of the work interuption I'm also dying for the loo - but just know that the *second* I enter the cubicle I'm going to get an earful of Muse as they call...

Grrr.  Why can't banking be easy, and why can't banks reward customer loyalty instead of doing their level best to drive us to the competition, causing paperwork and stress in a period when I could really do without it.

The one thing that I could have got out of it I couldn't even smile about...  I've spoken to 4 people from two banks this morning and been called Mrs 4 times.  Great, normally that would have lifted my spirits.  But as it's something official I have to then do the 'No, Mr' to each of them and listen to someone backtracking embarrassingly appologising perfusly, and me telling them it's fine...  I don't get being transfered from one person to another though and having to explain to the second one that I am not the partner of Mr xxxx, I am Mr xxxx.  Did they not get told I have Mr xxxx who needs information on his mortgage?

Hohum...  Rant about banks over.

For now.

Sunday, 14 March 2010

Guilt squared

Well after the joy and fun of the last few days I came down to earth with a bit of a bump yesterday.

I actually had a great day, but a couple of incidents left me feeling quite guilty.

The second (less important to me, but it still got to me) was yesterday evening. I arrange to meet someone I used to work with to watch the Six Nations match between England and Scotland. We met at the station and got chatting about how she was doing, after being unemployed for a number of months she has finaly got a job and she was radiant with it. She asked about how things were going for me, she knows about the recent re-organisation which has left me with a team dedicated to mainly small maintenance - which is not the most exciting of work. She asked if I was OK with that and I just said yes I could do with the simple life for now. She then asked if everything was OK at home and I just said yes fine. I hate lying, but there is no way I would come out to her, and I can't say how things are at home without mentioning it. It just felt wrong and got to me a little on the way home.

The first was yesterday afternoon. Mrs Stace was getting ready, putting her contacts in in front of the mirror. I stood behind her giving her a hug and kissing her neck. She smiled and then suddenly got a strange look on her face. I asked too much too soon? She said no, but looking at my reflection in the mirror I just looked so much like a boyish woman.

She was not being nasty, she wasn't angry. But she looked hurt and confused. I felt awful for her. But... The guilt comes from me taking it as a compliment. I felt terrible for her, but to me it was such a nice thing to hear. I feel like such a git for taking it that way - but I can't see it in any other light no matter how hard I try.

Saturday, 13 March 2010

Fun times two

I've had another busy week, but seeing as most of it was boring bureaucracy I won't bore you with the details except to say I am finally getting rid of my UK license and changing it for an NL version, and applying for a long term residency permit, as opposed to the usual 5 year temporary permit.

The fun?

First is obvious to anyone who has read my blog in the last 7 days. The toy is sleeping peacefully in the garden under a blacket to protect it from the cold and rain.

I picked it up on Thursday and have done about 100km's on it so far - 30 for fun, 70 commuting. I love it. I'm taking it easy to start with, new bike, lots of power and just as important, band new front tyre that has to bed in before I can push aything. Even taking it easy the bike is fun, very easy to ride (I wasn't expecting that) and very difficult to accidently go really fast (wasn't expecting that either). When you do try to go a little quick it's very difficult to go just a little quickly (that is what I was expecting - but I am getting used to it).

Lots of riding to do in the coming weeks to get used to it. If the weather is nice tomorrow I'll be taking pics and may well post one up here...

The second was cooking last night. We have been trying to find some nice food to eat over the last few weeks instead of eating the same things week in week out.

I love cooking, and have a good collection of recipe books. But I've never really tried to make my own recipes up. Last night we did just that: Chicken and mushroom pasta with a goats cheese white sauce.

Cut a breast of chicken into thin strips and start to cook over a low heat. In the meantime chop the mushrooms into small peices (quater for small muchrooms, 6 or 8 peices for the larger ones) and throw into the cookng chicken. Add some italian mixed herbs and salt and peper to taste.

The sauce is a basic white roux, with salt, peper to taste and some goats cheese. Once thickened and the cheese has melted throw into the chicken and mushrooms to mix with the juices that have been released during the cooking process. Stir through and leave to cook for a min or so.

Place the pasta on plates, using a draining spoon place the chicken and mushrooms over the paster. Finally pour the sauce over the top.

Serve with garlick focaccia.

Was much better than I was expecting, and amazingly cheap - 7 euros for two people IIRC (the goats cheese and focaccia drive the price up a bit without those it would ahve been 4(ish) euros.

Thursday, 11 March 2010

You've got to show the world you're a man!

Not something that has been said to me, but something I am picking up from a colleague...

The guy who upset me with the story of how the everyone in a company where he worked treated someone who turned up in a skirt and heels one day...

He did another one yesterday (though this one was more pity than annoyance).

Another colleague came in, and at the request of someone in the room did a little jig along the edge of a step that we have running the length of our room. At the end he said 'Supercallifragilisticexpialidocious!' Well tried to at least - it's hard enough for a native English speaker, let alone someone who is Dutch...

A couple of other people in the room had completely blank faces at this and we had to explain. One guy went with it quite well when I sent the sing along YouTube clip of the song from the film, the other (from before) just kept on with the blank face. Later in the kitchen I was ribbing him a bit for not knowing Mary Poppins and he says quote: 'Of course I know it, but a man shouldn't admit to knowing things like that'.

I just laughed... He's the one missing out if you have to spend half your life denying things otherwise how can you be a man...

Mrs Stace commented that maybe he is trying a little *too* hard... Then commented that since I came out to her in December she has become really cynical about peoples behaviour...

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Chlling with music

Last year, not long after starting this blog in fact, I treated myself to a nice new amplifier. Whilst no music buff I like good sounding music and having completed my lens collection for my camera wanted something to collect for the next few years.

I settled on a Cyrus system - small, reasonably good looking and good quality. And the added bonus that the style of boxes has not changed in recent years, and that you can build and expand the system over the years without losing any of your investment. Hopefully.

I was over the moon when the I got it home (brought it from Leicester HiFi as they have always done me right over the years and seem to know their stuff). Even Mrs Stace who doesn't overly care providing it produces sound commented that it sounded nice once it was running.

Until December when it started make a whole platter of not nice noises and no noise at all. It went back to the UK and after being software upgraded and tested was returned. It is much better now, so far. Touch wood.

So yesterday evening I spent 30 mins plugging everthing back in and making sure that every input produced the desired sound.

To test the BluRay I sat in the floor picking my way through ald and new CD's, listening to a few songs whilst searching for the next and repeating.

I had totally forgotten just how much I love doing that. I've got so used to just plugging the iPod into the aux input and leaving it on shuffle that I didn't even realise how much I missed the whole searching for songs, picking a CD, listening and swapping it out for another. Takes me back to when I was growing up and I would do it with vinyl on my dad's stereo. Loved it, and have to make sure that I do it more often!


Sunday, 7 March 2010

Brass Monkeys

Contect Warning: Petrol head bike post below!

Well I went for the test ride yesterday and noted two things...

1) After not riding since November due to the snow and ice I had forgotten just how much I love it
2) I always forget just how cold it is when riding in winter temperatures :)

I got my old bike going, always interesting in cold weather - it fires and then dies unless you get the choke *just* right; one mm too much and it doesn't start at all one mm too little and it fires for 1/2 a second. Rode it to the local jet wash to clean the gunk off of it and to get the tyre pressures correct and then set off.

It's so much fun! Even keeping legal, riding is just a fantastic rush. When I set off it was cold (tights, socks, inteligent suit (warm in winter, cold in summer) below and inteligent suit / t-shirt above) but quite doable under the leathers. Summer gloves (I hate riding in winter gloves - warm hands, but no feel) no neckerchief but it was fine.

Hit the motorway and decided that maybe lack of neckerchief was maybe not the best idea :) But nothing too bad. After riding for 30 miles or so the temperature suddenly plummeted and within a few miles I couldn't feel my fingers, seeing as the pain was starting to make in roads into my concentration I stopped at the next petrol station and swapped my summer gloves for the space tech winter ones. Instantly I could feel my fingers again, unfortunately instantly the heat pain started, I gave it a couple of mins before starting off again :)

Got to the garage looked the bikes over; I had my eye on two different ones, one was older with more KM's but was a much neater bike. After uhming and ahing for a few mins I settled on the older one. It looked cleaner, was stock and didn't raise any alarm bells. The newer one was covered in power stickers, had an illegal carbon exhaust that would have to be changed before I could take it and has tiny indicators at the back. All made me wonder how it had been ridden in it's life...

After trying to get what I could for my bike (half what I wanted) we agreed on a price. I could have gone elsewhere and got another 300 for my bike (I think) but the bike would have been a lot more than that so I settled. Then came the test ride.

OMG. At this point I should point out that I love sports bikes. My first bike was a little GPZ500S - looked a little sporty and was fun enough, but was a perfect first bike as it was gentle on the rider. My current bike is an SV650S. A Suzuki Ducatie imitation, quicker then the GPZ, but still a budget bike and still fairly sedate. I have decided though that at 33, and with 10 years of riding under my belt, it was time to get a bike I really wanted. Seeing as the servicing (and purchase) cost of real Duke was *way* out of my price range - I wanted a 748 Biposto, but that's a pipe dream - I decided a japanese bike was the way to go. Now I know that Honda's have a great reputation for reliablility but I find the CBR's just too chunky looking. They look like an IL4 rather than a twin. The only one that doesn't is the Yam R6. I don't know how they make it so compact, but it's no wider then my SV, and is such a pretty bike...

I was expecting a difference between the SV and the R6 (obviously) but seeing as there are not that many steps between them I was shocked at just how much difference there is. The clutch on the R6 is ultra light, and has very limited feel, the other controls work just so much sharper than the SV. The first 200 meters I looked like a fool in expensive leather, on a supersports bike trying to find the bite point of the clutch and a balance point of the throttle somewhere between 1000 and 10000 rpm. A bit of low speed riding and it started to come together, but it's going to take some practice before I become proficient at pulling off I think.

I was surprised at how easy it is (once you are moving) to ride at low speed - once you are actually moving. The engine only really works at high RPM, so keeping it between 3000 and 4000 it's such a laid back ride. It flip flops nicely in the bends and was really pleasent for town riding - something I was not expecting.

Then I took it for a quick blast between junction on the motorway. At 8000 the engine changes totally. You have to keep you eye on the speedo because it just takes off, keeping it at legal speeds is easy enough (the old adage that it's only as quick as your right hand still works here), but I had to conciously do it. I guess over the first few weeks I'll get used to it and it'll become second nature.

Got back to the shop, agreed to fix the issue I found (wear bar on the front tyre, so that's being replaced) and did the paper work. I pay for it today and pick it up on Friday. Can't wait!

Lastly... I want to know how people with new licenses possibly think it's a good idea to start with these bikes. With 10 years experience it was not 'easy' to start with it. I can imagine that you want the nice fast bike when you first pass, but surely after test riding it you would think 'hmm, maybe I should practice on something closer to the power I learnt with before taking this on'? I came across the term Squid in the search for the R6. It describes everything I hate about a certain type of new rider. Stupid, Quick ,Underdressed, Imminently Dead. It's a pet hate of mine - people who buy expensive bikes as their first bike. Talk the whole day about how they raced this that and the other on the way to work, and ride in jeans and coat becuase their budget didn't stretch to the leather suit. I prefer people who do it the other way - first bike budget = what you can afford - cost of good quality safety gear. Sorry rant over, these people just annoy me.

Saturday, 6 March 2010

Big week

Well this week has been a big one for me... Lots happened - mostly good, some less so. But I am ending it quite happy.

Obviously the biggest was telling my boss on Monday. He's been absolutely true to his word, and has treated me absolutely the same as before he knew. What more could I have asked for.

I spent Sunday afternoon going trying on old clothes - it seems that the exercise is starting to work - my old jeans that have not fitted for a little while now actually do up (woohoo). Hopefully in a month or so they may even be comfortable enough to wear all day... We'll see.

I've managed to get up to 10KM's on skates now - not quite Sven Kramer time wise (actually nearly three times longer) - but I'm happy to have reached that milestone. Maybe this week I can manage 12. I'm still stuck at 6KM's running, but the time is dropping nicely. In 4 weeks it's the Hilversum City Run - at present schedule I should be good for improving my time from last time. I have a new way of training this week. I brought a heart rate monitor from the internet this week on the advice of a colleague who is insane with sporting. Hopefully I can now do two different types of training each week. One to get me faster for the run, and one to help me lose the weight having a driving license has given me. I never realised that just going all out for it when running is not actually the best way to burn fat - hopefully knowing what my heart is doing is going to let me stay in the right zone for both objectives. Wish me luck...

We had a last minute family dinner last Saturday with Mrs Stace's parents and her sisters family. It was a really nice evening, and everyone seems to have settled there as well. There was only one mention of TG, and that was caused by me. As with my boss it's nice to be treated just as me again. The mention? When desert came around Mrs Stace took her piece first and then her mum offered the bowl to me. Now I've always gone with ladies first, so I said that and passed it to her mum. Mrs Stace and her sister apparently discussed that after the meal (not in a bad way - just commenting on it)...

The snow has now gone, so I took the cover off of the bike and started it to get some charge back into the battery. Oh dear I think is an appropriate response. It started fine, but the throttle is stuck, oil is coming out of the clutch cover, the chain and sprokets are in bad condition and the fork seals are started to break down. Time for a new bike. Mrs Stace is not happy - and we had a big argument about it (that turned out to be about that and the 'other' thing all wrapped up in one). I have a couple of test rides set up for today and just hope that I can get a decent price for mine considering what they will have to do to get it working. I spoke to my parents last night (Dad to get his advice on the bikes, mum to say 'hello' and to get an earful about the bike from her too - I left to get a hair cut and her and Mrs Stace were complaining to each other about me on two wheels).

On that note I think that it's time to grab another cappucino, and make porridge for me and Mrs Stace before getting on my way....

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Well my boss now knows...

Yesterday, amidst trying to work in a few new people I managed to get hold of my boss in private for a few mins and told him that I wanted to explain what my issues were so that we no longer had to have uncomfortable talks about how I was doing, without me actually being able to say what the problem was.

We arranged to meet after my work day finished, and to walk to a local bar as I did not want to do it in the office. He did say that I may find he is not as surprised as I thought he was going to be. That made me nervous... Just how badly was I doing at hiding it in the workplace.

We walked to the bar (1/2 mile away from the office) and chatted small stuff.

Got the bar, I got the drinks in and we sat down. First off I asked him what he thought it was if he thought he wasn't going to be surprised. He said simply that he is very liberal, and whatever someone does or is, as long as they do not harras anyone else, is a non issue to him.

I told him my problem and he said. 'Surprised, but not shocked'

After that we discussed it for a an hour or so, and how it would impact my career within the company. I liked what he said. He judges people on performance. Knowing this will neither make my reviews any less, or more, positive than they would be without his knowledge.

He offered his help if there is anything he can do, and added that he knew there probably wasn't but to let him know anyway. He did say that if I need to tell other people I can use him to do it I need to.

He also mentioned, without any mention of it from me, about the gender binary and that he doesn't think that people are 100% male or female, but that they fit some where inbetween.

I have asked him to keep it totally confidential. There is no one else in the office that I have those discussions with, and so there is no reason for anyone else to know. He has said that's fine.

All in all I think it went very well... I guess I'll see how the week goes, and what actually happens at my next performance review.