Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Back from the VU, and so very, very tired

Well I'm back.  The intake appointment has been had and medium term future a little more visible.

I got there a little early, the hospital is a bit of a walk from the train station, and it's thorugh a new office landscape.  Kind of feels a little Manhattenish (at least in my head).  All high rise office blocks in glass and steel, very nicely done, even with a little brownstone office in the middle.  But with the lack of sun caused by the buildings it's damn cold :)

They started early when I got there.  Two questionaires to fill out, first a medical history, the second was a more intimate psycological questionaire, that went to varying levels. And brought up a number of memories that I would rather keep locked away.

My Dutch failed me a number of times, but I managed to work out what most of the questions were asking, and I have to say that having to keep working at the language actually helped keep me a little calm.

After that a little wait before sitting with the psycologist and answering questions about life so far, and why I was at the VU.  I explained that I didn't know where I needed to go for the future - that in a perfect world I would transition tomorrow.  But this world is far from perfect, and there is so much to think about.

We talked for an hour, I answered the questions I could.  It was difficult and a little emotional - she did explain that given the subject matter it was difficult to explain your feelings and not to worry as I was doing well. It didn't feel it at times :)

At the end she said that she thought I should definately go forward to the disagnistics phase, for multiple reasons.  I have to call back later in the month (after they have had the monthly group discussion) to see if I am on the waiting list (I am not sure what happens if thy do not put me on the waiting list...  The questions you think off when it's too late).

She also gave me the number of a therapist that works with the gender team (though not part of the team) to help get my head in order before starting the diagnistic phase.  She explained that the phase is relatively short, and it's not a bad idea to start to get your head in order.

They took my picture (ug) for the files and I was on my way again.  I feel better for knowling a little more about what the future should bring (in the short term at least).  Now I'm home I'm tired, drained and need sleep.


  1. Well done! I wish one's first encounter with the system here was as positive.

  2. Way to go girl! Trust me that first step is never easy but you did it and hopefully you can find what you are looking for!!!

  3. Good for you.
    I just knew you would be fine.

  4. One of many stages completed, strong work!

  5. it does sound like a far better system than the one we've got here. Anyway, congrats on another waypoint!

  6. Thanks all. I have to say I am really impressed with the system here - apart from the waiting list that is...

    A couple of things that stood out yesterday. The signs for the clinic amused me somewhat. The full name of the clinic is 'Zorgventrum Genderidentitetstorinis' If I remember correctly. This does not fit on the signs obviously and so is shortend to 'Genderdysphoria' (well the Dutch for anyway). I couldn't help thinking that a sign telling me which way to go for gender disphoria was a little funny. I don't want to find gender dysphoria, I want rid of it!

    The other was one answer I gave. I am sure I mis-understood the question. I thought it said is there anything that *does* make you feel like you should be a man. I said the petrol headedness that I have (something that is on my mind occasionaly and that everyone else picks up on). I now think it said is there anything that you really hate about being a man. So that answer is absolutely wrong - I love my bike and cars :)

    I did explain to the psychologist that my Dutch had let me down in places. She said not to worry about it as they covered most things verbaly anyway :)

    Next step call the support group and psycologist in Amsterdam.

    After a long weekend (last working day of the week - bank holiday tomorrow, and I've taken Friday as a bridging vacation day)

  7. Thumbs up, girl!

    Melissa XX