Monday, 25 January 2010

Phone call with my parents

I spoke to my parents again this yesterday, I called them on to try and fix their computer (that had in the mean time decide to fix itself).

We got chatting and I mentioned that Mrs Stace was out with her parents and sister. My mum was surprised that I was not there, I said that it was supposed to be a night out for the girls (Mrs Stace, her sister and her mum) as a belated birthday present and that her dad decided to go last minute, probably down to me as it was the first time he had seen her since he found out about me, and he said he was psycologically ready. I appriciate that this is starting to get converluted. That got us on to the subject that we then discussed for the next 90 mins...

What bascially came over was that they are not coping as well as they said they were. They are still fine with me, but are concerned that I am gong to go into transition without thinking as soon as posible.

They also seem to be under the impression that once I start speaking to the therapists later in the year I am going to be pushed to transition at any expense.

I have tried to correct them in this... But that went rather badly as well. In the end I was told that I shouldn't ever transition as I was too manly, just with a very predominant femanine side. Which is not what my mum said on New Years Eve. I am not sure what this is based on except for my love of all things car.

I have to admit at doing something I am not proud of... Something that I feel, but didn't want to say to my mum is that for most of my childhood I constantly heard that 'This is not what boy's do / want / play with / ect'. I didn't want to broach the subject as I didn't want to make her feel guilty about it. But it was the only way I could see out of the conversation loop I was in, and I was starting to get upset by that time, so I said it. It didn't end the conversation, she just said she didn't remember doing it. And I am not blaming her here - I have reason to think that she is lying about remembering.

The other loop that came up was based almost solely on me being married as a reason why I could not be 'all woman', their phrase. If you love a woman you must be a man, otherwise you can't love a woman in any way more than as a close friend. That went around in circles for a while - ending with a point that I know only too well anyway. Mrs Stace isn't that way inclined.

And my mum wants to meet my therapists as she is the only one who knows me... I didn't even start a discussion with that one.

We did have some lighter moments, and ended well. Them re-affirming that they are there not matter what I do decide in the future. They keep stressing that, and saying that they wish there was more they could do. I always answer that by saying be there no matter what I decide.

All in all it did leave me very shaken though. Their two main points hit me quite hard - either I am insane and do not know what I am feeling; or they are just seeing what they want to see, which they kept stressing they were not. I know that they have only known for 24 days and are getting to grips, but I don't know, yesterday was just very difficult.

Ending on a bright note though... I heard my mum use the name Stacy refering to me for the first time, in a pleasent way. I really can't put into words how that made me feel. Crazy isn't it.


  1. Having remained firmly closeted to my parents and likely to stay that way I can only imagine your feelings. I think mine would be nice about it but I know it would upset them.

    The bright note sounds good though. Reminds me of the one time so far that "Jenny" has slipped out from my wife. Weird, isn't it.

  2. Hi Stacy.. I am unclear as to whether or not you are going to stay with Mrs.Stacy, if you transition? I would hope that whether you transition or not, you will stay together.. you love a person.. not whether or not they are male or female.. I think it would be better for your mental well being.. if you could decide together, and stay together, because you love each other..

    I am an old man, or at least that is how I present.. I am what is called a Native American Two Spirit.. both male and female.. I have been a woman trapped inside of a mans body for almost 65 years.. if I were to transition, I would end up looking like my mother, so that will not happen.. but if I did I would qualify as a lesbian.. because that is how I feel.. a lesbian inside a mans body..

    Anyway, I wish you all the best.. it is a hard path.. and I hope the Goddess will bless you in your journey.. know that you are not alone.. you have already come out to so many family members, and they are the only ones that matter anyway..

    So, be blessed in your journey.. I know there others that are following your journey, and wish you well too..

    Be Blessed



  3. Your mum sounds a lot like my mom. She can't remember ever having said any of those things to me either. I don't see it as deliberate lying, just denial. Its a very human response to something they find distressing. Small consolation to you, though. Give your parents time, Stace, and in the mean time, don't let your mother get anywhere near your therapist! Geez! She sounds more like my mother, than I first thought. LOL!

    Melissa XX

  4. Despite their love for you, I think you can expect them to fight you on this for quite some time. They don't want to lose their son. We see it differently, of course. They would be gaining a complete person, just in the form of a daughter.

    Try not to let it get you down, Stace. They want you to be happy. It's just that they think they know better.

    Oh, how I wish the word "Leslie" would cross the lips of my wife! What a gift that would be.

  5. Thanks for the words all...

    I appriciate that they are worried about me, and about losing their son.

    I also appriciate that I am in a lot more fortunate position than many people I know since starting my blog 6 months ago.

    I feel a little guilty about letting it get to me the way that it did bearing both of those points in mind. Felt a little guilty writing about it bearing both of those points in mind if truth be told, but getting it written down (so to speak) helped me work through it...

    Jenny: I must admit I don't know if I upset them, or if they are upset for me. I do wish that they would speak to someone about it though, but they say they do not want to as everyone there does not know me or my situation - I said the point is to speak about how it's affecting you but I know my mum and she is not going to budge on this one.

    Melissa: They are going nowhere near my therapist :) Oodly enough the biggest obstical to their support (the 1600KMs) is actually acting in my favour here. Though both my mum and I said that having difficult conversations over the phone doesn't make life easier.

    Naukishtae: The plan is to not to transition and to stay with Mrs Stace - if possible for both of us. Time will tell, but I think this year is going to be difficult for the both of us.

    Leslie: I don't think I'll be getting it from my wife for some time either... From my mum it was basically saying I could live my life as both [male name] and Stacy as she thinks I am two people (I think she is wrong there). But hearing her say the name at all still felt a little special.

  6. she is the only one who knows me...

    If you were 8, maybe.... but as an adult? Can I say unlikely? :)

    I think many parents do worry about their offspring - it's the whole caring thing isn't it. Maybe they mean well, but it's not quite coming across right.

  7. Relatives and people close to us all go through a grieving process.
    This process has several stages and the time people stay at each stage can vary.
    But the stages are significant and they are just going through this process.
    They will need time and information and open communication with you.
    I will email you some leaflets that you may find useful to give them. They were written by a therapist I have spoken to in the past and are aimed at families of Transexual people.
    Its early stages yet and overall they seem to be working this through in there minds.
    They have your best interest at heart and even though they are putting objections in your way this I think is because they dont understand .
    They clearly love you.

  8. Sorry I thought you may have your email at your profile page.
    My email is
    If you send me your address I will send you those leaflets.

  9. Lynn: You can, and I would...

    Lisa: They do, and I can honestly see that. IT was just hard on Sunday night to have the same objections repeated over the 90 minutes. An email is winging it's way to you BTW.

    On the bright side - I came home yesterday to an answer phone message (doesn't happen too often most people call my mobile). I was my mum asking if everything was OK. That was nice (horrible word but the best I can do at this time of the morning). I'll call her back this evening.

  10. Hi Stacy.. then I will pray the Goddess will hold you both in Her arms, and bless you both.. keep an open dialog between the two of you, and I think all will work out.. Goddess Bless...