Well I think that I can almost start to relax again... On Monday night Mrs Stace got a call from her mother saying that she would be going to my sister in laws for food on Tuesday, which is a long standing arrangement for us.
Something positive happened that night... I spent an hour pacing the living room in a panic, and poping Valdispert pills again to calm me down before going to bed. So far so bad... But I slept reasonably well. I sleep badly at the best of times, but the night before seeing my sister in law for the first time I only managed 2 hours. So sleeping almost normally (for me) I see as a breakthrough.
I had a hellish day in the office, still catching up after the Christmas break, and doing a presentation to a room full of poeple about the new TFS server that I have configured (I *do* not do well in front of people - even if i have worked with them for a number of years - cue more Valdispert). Once that was done I went into panic mode again. Popped a few more pills (they are herbal and non addictive, not real drugs) and left.
When I got there my mother in law wasn't... This put me back a little - when you are bracing yourself for emotional overload and it doesn't happen it can hit you quite hard. Spoke to my sister in law (who has spoken to her mother about me since I last saw her on Saturday) who said I shouldn't be worried, whilst she would have preferred me to say everything before I married her daughter she knows it wasn't some deliberate scheme to ruin her life...
When she turned up (my mother in law that is) we said hello and kissed (as the Dutch do) and that was that. Nothing bad, nothing at all actually. Once I calmed down the evening went very well.
Towards the end of the evening my sister in law (ever the subtle person) asked if the pills had worked for the evening. My mother in law simply asked why I needed those and said I shouldn't worry.
When we gave her a lift home and said goodbye she just told me that everything will be alright.
Everyone in the family has said not to worry about my father in law - as he won't say anything either positive or negative as he just doesn't talk about things, and that he is also fine. I'm still nervous before meeting him for the first time...
The only thing for me was that *nothing* was said about it. I wonder if more will be said when it's just me and Mrs Stace - an actual conversation about it, or if it's just there now and so be it...
Well, most likely nothing was said because they did not want to make you feel uncomfortable. Best thing to do is to just let them digest everything for a while.
ReplyDeleteAny your father-in-law....well, he is acting just like a man!
Watch the pills, Stace, and congratulations on getting through your presentation. I wonder if you would have felt more at ease when talking to a group had you been presenting as female? Often, the withdrawn male becomes the outgoing female...
Calie xxx
Thanks Calie.
ReplyDeleteI had planned to leave things whilst they work through their thoughts. I was trying to remain positive - thinking that it's probably just me being paranoid (wouldn't be the first time, and from what I have read from others I wouldn't be the first...)
I did wonder about the presentation...
And I'll watch the pills - I was doing well until last Friday when my sister in law found out. Hopefully after the last presentation tomorrow I can back off again.
Stace