Unexpected Goodbyes

Just a short post today, I’m still exhausted from the long weekend – and have so much to do in the office that I am trying not to use my computer during the evening for a week or so.  Trying to turn off as much as possible and spend the evenings distressing!  I’ll let you know how that works out!

This week I had a couple of unexpected goodbyes.  One had me in tears, the other shocked me as much as anything else.

So…  Bad news first. On Wednesday evening I got a call from my mum on my mobile.  I knew something was wrong as she never calls – she sends a text message to me asking me to call her as it costs her 7 times more to call us than vice versa. In fact she called the mobile, so something was very wrong.

It turns out to be their Old English Sheep dog.  She is 13 years old, which is about 3 years longer than the breed normally live for, and has been getting ill for a while.  But now she is really ill. She has been back and forth to the vet for the last month or so the comment from the vet came last week that this would be the last time he treats her.  He has a very good idea what the problem is, but can’t see without a biopsy and she is too old to cope with that.

Apparently the treatment actually works, she gets her appetite back and gets some energy – but after the last tablet everything goes downhill again and she gets really ill.

By the time I put the phone down I was in flood of tears – my parents got her not long after I left for Holland, and I remember being on holiday there the day they picked her up.  Literally.  First the picked they dog up and then picked me up from the airport.  Mum met me at arrivals (which I thought was odd – they normally both accosted me the second I stepped into their view J), but then we came around a corner to where there were seats and there was my dad with this little ball of fur wrapped up in a blanket. Bearing in mind she is now huge it’s quite strange that she was so small when I first met her!

And every year when we visit she gets spoilt absolutely rotten by me, and from the second we arrive she is my shadow until we pack the car to leave (where she sulks!).  I am normally forgiven enough to fuss her before we actually leave tough!

But not this year, I don’t think anyway.

OK I’m going to stop this train of thought now – it’s not helping.

The other one.  A little sad, but also a milestone I guess.

On Saturday I had another bout of laser in preparation for the op (yay) and whilst lying there as she zapped away we were chatting about running, working out and life in general (I did not bring up the dog).  Anyway, when she was done we were having a chat about the next steps, she said there were not that many dark hairs left, or thick hairs that react to the laser and that it was time to start electrolysis.

OK, I am not looking forward to that – but at least I keep the same anaesthetic cream…

But, she doesn’t do electrolysis, only laser and so I am going to have to come back during the week in future (and work from home, something tells me that smearing the anaesthetic cream on and wrapping myself in plastic is not something for the office!).  So we make an appointment for someone else and on another day.

As I left I started to say, “Well, until next time then.” And then it hit me.  There isn’t a next time. My face is all but clear and for the rest it’s going to be done during the week.

There isn’t a next time.  After two years of having the same person zap me (and taking care to ensure that it’s never more painful than it needs to be!) chat with me and get to know me the relationship is broken. She also saw the transition.  I started seeing her a while before I actually transitioned so she saw him come to an end and Stacy start to really live. And the difference between Stacy without hormones and me now.  She has seen (in 6 week stop motion) my whole transition.

It’s sad.  It was a complete shock when the realisation hit me.

Of all the things that you can lose during your transition the relationships you form with the people helping you prepare for it wasn’t one that I had thought about. And I am now two down – my speech therapist and a laser therapist.

When she realised she came around the reception counter where she was filling in the appointment and gave me a big hug, telling me that I had to let her know how the rest of the transition goes and to let her know that I am doing OK. It was a really nice thing for her to do! And, yes, I am going to keep to it.

Right, before I get too sentimental I’m going to call it an evening (plus it’s been a while since I started and that is not exactly leaving the computer turned off is it?)