Well, since I was last called by the VU (gender clinic) about the appointment with the plastic surgeon I have been carrying my phone everywhere, ensuring I know if it is going to ring so that I can run out of whatever meeting I am in and answer it if I think that it is the hospital.
For weeks on end I have looked like the phone junkie, carrying it everywhere and always having it to hand, constantly checking it when it vibrated (I did at least have the sound off in meetings ;p) and all together being one of the annoying phone people.
Until Thursday that it, when something urgent came up and I had to run to someone's desk and discuss some testing for a project that has to be ready by Tuesday afternoon (so that another project can start). Then I just legged it across the office - I even forgot to lock my computer, a cardinal sin from a data security point of view!
Anyway we came up with a good plan, with only minimal risks associated with it and then I got back to my desk. Five minutes tops - the computer hadn't even automatically locked itself (which is how I know I forgot to lock it!).
And then I say my phone lying on the desk, looking all forlorn and forgotten (amazing how a little black rectangle of plastic and glass can do that ;p). So I checked it and, yup sure enough there was a missed call from 'Unknown Number', which is normally the VU. And an answer phone message confirming that it was the VU and they wanted to speak to me to make the appointment with the surgeon.
The following morning (their phones are only open in the morning) I called back, and once I actually got through - Friday mornings are their busiest time - I had a quick chat with the assistant about how I was doing (they are always so friendly there) and she gave me my appointment. 11th June. That is when I start the final physical part of this process.
The fear and stress that I had a few weeks ago are back. Big time. Actually, this is the reason why I told the new guy in the office yesterday - how to explain why you are all over the place, and why you can't make plans at the moment without saying why. Something I can't do.
But anyway, without trying to go too far onto a tangent...
There is also a huge sense of relief. It's finally getting there. Getting to the point where I don't feel depressed when I see myself with no clothes on (well no more than anyone else anyway). Where I can wear the clothes I wanted to wear without worrying about things being visible (there are so many great outfits I have seen recently that I just would not feel comfortable wearing at the moment!)
Finally get the point where the physical stuff is finished and it's just my head to sort out!
Terrified, but can't wait :)