Monday, 7 March 2011

What I need...

Apparently I need more self-confidence.  That is something that my therapist said to me during my last session.  He also said don’t worry it’ll come…  We’ll see.

The situation came from my trips out a few weeks ago.  The Tuesday went fine, the Wednesday I had a terrible day.  Worried, panicking and just wondering what the hell I was doing with my life.  We deconstructed that in the session and we came to the Tuesday evening.  If you ready the post from then you’ll see that I had a great night – and I stand by that I did.

There was just one thing that got to me.  We were sitting eating and the guy who does the cooking in the café on a Tuesday came up and asked if we wanted anything else to drink.  And asked does *he* want anything else.  He has met me a few times before meeting Stacy, and I know that there was nothing to it except for habbit.  But it kind of deflated me a little, and I think that the following day it just got me really down.

Where does the confidence come into it?  My therapist told me that I should have corrected him – but I just don’t have the confidence to get into possible confrontational situations.  I’m sure he would have not caused one – but… Oh well, learning point I suppose.



  1. Stace, confidence is in short supply in my household so your are not alone.

    Not an easy thing to find initially but I am sure it will come - heck you are out there already. As you go out more I am sure that it will become easier.


  2. I think that is always going to be a problem with people who have known you as a male. At least until they get used to seeing the new you. If the cook didn't know you, I doubt he would have said, "he". The more you get out, the more your confidence will grow. Wouldn't it be nice, if Mrs. Stace would go out with you occasionally?

    Melissa XX

  3. "Fake it till you make it" is a pretty good way to start. Even if you don't feel the confidence inside, if someone says "he," correct them, quietly but firmly. That's not a confrontation. Just state it as a matter of fact.

    You're already going out, which is probably at least somewhat ahead of how you feel inside. Correcting pronouns is another good step. Act confidently even if you don't feel it, and before long you will feel it.

    I started with bravado, or chutzpah as I usually state it. That turned into confidence that came from inside. Once you get there, things like pronoun correction will come naturally because you know what's inside you. You'll be surprised that anyone would get it wrong!

  4. Becca: Confidence when going out is fine, well getting there anyway. Confidence to do something in that situation is where I have to do something...

    Melissa: I hope not. I did have a long conversation with my therapist about it (and I guess I'm going to have more...)

    Mrs Stace is not there yet. She has to go at her own pace, and I am not going to push the issue. But it would be nice...

    Ariel: I do the 'fake it' thing the first time I do something new (first time out, first time in the cafe etc). But at that point it abandoned me... Time and practice I suppose :)

    Thanks for the support all.