As I wrote last week I was a little nervous for this weekend. I hadn't realised just how much, until I realised I was snappy, exhausted and going round and round in my head.
Just what I am going to be like before the operation I really don't know. Stress about medical things is not something that I do well. I think that a lot of valerian may be taken in the time leading up to it.
But! Saturday morning I got ready, tried to use the anaesthetic cream (wow, that is something that is not going to get easier is I think) and wrapped in cling film I went to the laser clinic.
In a very, very bad place. I am starting to get fed up at some of the comments from some corners when something is painful or difficult. You want it. Now, serious amounts of stress and starting to get fed up at a comment are really not good bed fellows. Round and round that comment was going.
You want it.
I'm going to be brutally honest here. No. No I really don't. And anyone who does needs to speak to a professional.
I really can't imagine that anyone would want to be transsexual. I don't particularly want the treatment either. Having someone zap at your face (and other areas) is not my idea of fun. And the thought of major surgery doesn't thrill me either.
So, no I don't want this. It's something that I am going to have to have, and it's something that is making the world of difference to me. But, I don't want it.
That for 30 minutes whilst driving in Amsterdam weekend traffic is not pleasant and I was almost in tears.
But! I digress.
I got to the clinic and went into the room. Time for one of the most embarrassing things I have done (and let's face it, in this journey there are a few!).
Tights and underwear off
Lie on the couch
But. To be fair, once that moment had passed the embarrassment passed with it!
Now for the pain. Glibber (I don't do that type of pain!). She told me that if the anaesthetic worked then I wouldn't feel the cold of the gel.
I didn't (woohoo) and then spent the next 30 minutes staring at the ceiling whilst she did god knows what (it's the strangest feeling - kind of like when you sleep on your hand and it all goes numb) down there. Staring at the ceiling and talking helped a lot. But, it really didn't hurt at all.
Well, except for the ache from having my legs in strange positions in order to give access...
Or after either. Hopefully that means that in future I can not stress out when driving there!
(PS Sorry for the rant midway!)