Well the clocks have gone back and I am now up even earlier than normal... On the bright side it gives me a chance to write this…
First an apology, between having my parents here and trying to get my DTR laptop working I’ve read nothing in the past half week. I think it’s going to be a while before I get up to date again. So sorry if it seems I am being quiet. Trust me when trying to get the computer working I’m not :)
It’s been great having my folks here. We’ve just spent time relaxing and chatting, a few trips shopping (Ikea etc.) and watching some films. I went for a walk yesterday with my dad around the lake behind the house. It was a nice afternoon, warmish and sunny, and we chatted about all things petrol (my Spitfire, my bikes, the bikes that he used to ride – and the differences between riding a bike from his youth against the sort of machines I ride). Then we had a chat about how they are coping with what I am going through. Dad just has no idea – either of what the future holds or what he can do to help. Mum is still blaming herself, thinking that she must have done something in order to cause it. Dad and I are trying to tell her that she shouldn’t be blaming herself, but I guess that is just going to take time.
Dad said that he just a saw a big black hole, and that was why he hasn’t spoken to anyone (something mum and I are trying to get him to do) – because he would not know what to say. I know that he was concerned that I was going to be some TV drag queen, and I said that maybe when I was showing mum one of my outfits the last time we went to see them that we should have got dad in there as well. By this time we had stopped walking and were sitting on a terrace looking out over the lake, but the chill was coming and being a mechanic for coming up got half a decade has made him quite susceptible to the cold so we started for home.
Yesterday evening I had planned on introducing my parents to Stacy. I went upstairs to get changed and stabbed myself in both eyes with mascara I was shaking so much. It took me an hour or so to get changed and then I very nervously came down stairs.
The reaction that I got was not the one I was expecting. They had both said expect us to be shocked and confused when we first see you – but don’t worry about us leaving you; just give us time.
What I got was my mum rushing over to me saying that I looked great – which caused me to start crying, which caused her to start crying and blaming herself again. And a long three way hug with her and my dad (which set him off as well). My dad said that I looked his sister when she was younger, and my mum thinks I look like a thinner version of her from when she was younger. They both said that I looked better as Stacy than I do in day to day; and then made great pains to point out that they were not saying anything about how I looked normally. Mum said that she really see’s now that I should have been born a girl.
I spent the evening as Stacy, we ate (with my mum constantly telling me to be careful about spilling fat on my skirt) watched a film (Up – we cried again). I had a few chats with my mum though out the night, one thing that she said a few time is that she was surprised how natural it felt speaking to me as Stacy.
When we went to bed, Mrs Stace and mum had gone up leaving dad and me taking in the kitchen whilst making drinks, he said again about me looking like his sister from when she was younger and told me that he was proud of me for getting changed – and said that it must have taken some guts to do.
Well that’s me up to date now, everyone else is still in bed, and I’m have to finish off reinstalling the other laptop (that’s been running whilst I wrote this).