Friday, 15 October 2010

Quick post again... But happy.

Quick post… Been busy and have a busy weekend coming up…

Last night I had another chat with my parents. They are coming to visit soon and they want to meet Stacy. That makes me so nervous. They have said that I should expect some shock, and have to give them some time to get used to it, but it would help them both to meet the real me. I think that my dad is struggling somewhat. He’s still ultra-supportive, and has said that even if they are shocked I am not to worry as they will be there for me no matter what as long as they are alive (I’m trying to figure out when my parents got the age where they started to put that in as a proviso, it makes me uncomfortable I have to say… But seeing as they want to meet Stace who am I to complain about making someone uncomfortable?), but I think it’s harder for him to get his head around the idea than my mum, who said last night she is looking on this as a positive thing. Almost in her words: she had the blessing a son for 34 years and now has a daughter as well. She has even packed me some high quality mascara as a present. I would have smiled but was stressing about what they are going to think when I come down stairs in a skirt, makeup and with my hair up.

The busy weekend is trying to install TFS 2010 for a friend (an ex colleague) at his new company. For some reason they think that I am an expert (even after I’ve told them I am not) and have asked for my help. My boss is happy to let me do it, and as I will be installing it here early next year it gives me some practice... Fingers crossed that it goes well…

And finally… On Sunday I am finally going to a support group meeting in Amsterdam. It’s something that I have been procrastinating about for months now, but this week I finally worked up the courage to send the mail to the coordinator and so will be on my way. I haven’t decided whether I’ll be going as Stace yet… Another ‘Gulp’ moment…


  1. It's nice that they are trying to come to terms with it, pet.

    That is a huge thing in itself, and bodes well for the future.


  2. Happy for you that they are coming on side, presumably they have not even seen a trace of Stace so far.

    Whenever I wear a skirt in someone's presence for the first time I just act as though there is nothing unusual going on, often it takes a while before anyone notices! I don't recommend a dramatic entrance screaming Ta Dah! as you strike a dramatic pose.

    Hope they are happy to correct a 35 year mistake.

    Caroline xxx

  3. I am actually holding off on wearing a skirt for like the 3rd or 4th time my friends and family meet Virginia. I mostly wear jeans and a nice blouse anyway, so it's not a big thing for me and I think in some way it softens the intro a bit if it's just hair, make-up and a woman's top.

    However, if it's your style, go with it!


  4. Your parents wanting to meet Stace, is proof that their support is genuine, and not simply lip service. Why can't all parents be so understanding? When my parents first learned that I was cross dressing after high school, they were downright hostile. Twenty years later when I broke down in from of my mother, and explained that I was TS and should have had a sex change, she was overcome with guilt, and showed some sympathy but qualified it with the ignorant remark that "those people" aren't happy. Dad learned about me through Mom, and I think he accepted that I was a sensitive type. He began to hug me when we saw each other, which was big for him, since he was a rather stoic type, but he never once mentioned my transsexualism. Dad's gone now, but I think he and my mother simply chose to remain in denial, thinking that it was just one of life's burdens that I would have to learn to bear.

    Melissa XX

  5. Chrissie: It's brilliant how great they have been. It's just that I know what their concerns are (dad more than mum - she has seen one of my outfits, just not on me) and am scared that I'm going to live up to them even though I know that I won't... Fingers crossed.

    Caroline: I'm not sure that coming on side is the right phrase - they have been great from the start, it's just a bit of a shock for them... After all the trace of Stace that they have both seen so far is my St Christopher that I wear when out as Stace - it was a present from them to Stace, specifically to Stace. Making the entrance after getting changed is going to be the challenging bit. I keep seeing myself sitting on the stairs out of view waiting to work up the courage...

    Gin: I would love some jeans, but it's actually something that I am scared of buying. I know my size now - but jeans are sold in inches still (even in Holland). The problem there is where do they measure? DO I buy 29" for my waist or 32/33" because they sit lower than my waist...

    I have a few longer skirts that I am more than comfortable with - just the situation that's less so...

    Melissa: I really think that it is. As I said with Caroline they have been great so far.

    I have no idea why other parents can't be more supportive. And when I read of how other parents have reacted on the other blogs I read frequently I feel guilty about how my folks are reacting - and about posting about it.


  6. Stace, there's only one way to buy jeans -- keep trying on different pairs until you find the one that's right for you. Ours at least are sized in a very silly way. I buy 29 or even 28, low rise. Yet my waist is about 31. So sizes mean very little. Fit is what counts, and getting the style you like best.

  7. Hi Veronica,

    There in lies my problem with Jeans... I am not yet ready to try on clothes in shops yet...

    Something I have to get around to.


  8. Funny that, I've been contemplating how to introduce Jenny mode to my parents too. Like yours mine are supportive but unlike yours they're blanking the physical manifestation of the girl. I hope your parents visit goes well.

    And congratulations on taking the step of going to the support group!

  9. What I've found out about buying women's pants, is that the size that is most important is the hip size. Natural born women tend to have wider hips proportionally than males. With the lower rise on women's pants today, that means that the waist opening has to be bigger than the natural waist line measurement. If shopping by catalog, you can look at the size chart, and get the hip and waist measurements for each size. If they have a lower rise than pants that sit at the natural waistline, then buying the ones that fit your hip measurement should work for you. This is not the case for pants that sit at your natural waistline. For them, you have to buy the size that fits your natural waist measurement, or they will be to tight in the waist. The trouble with pants that sit at your natural waistline, is that they tend to be a bit baggy in the hips, to accommodate a woman's wider hips.

    Melissa XX

  10. I hope all goes well with the parents and the visit to the support group. Posh mascara? What's not to like? :-)

    Oh decisions, decisions on what to wear and the consequences of the right/wrong outfit.

  11. Stace, this won't necessarily help you, but I was buying girl jeans way before transition. I just liked them, and I got a feeling that I wasn't the only guy who did. Just pretend you're a rock star! Srsly, jeans are an excellent place to start.

  12. It must be stressful, Stace. I know it would be for me but, alas, I have no parents. Good luck.

    Calie xxx

  13. Its great your parents are asking to meet you. I know its really nerve wracking and initially may be a little tense, but just relax and be yourself.
    They will see how happy you are and once over that first few minutes I am sure it will go just fine.
    They sound like great people and what a Mum getting you make up!
    With regard to trying on clothes in the begining I used to order on line and then send the stuff back that I didnt want. Saved changing in shops which can be quite scary.
    Not sure how easy stuff is to get there but as you know Next, New look, M&S and almost everyone do it here in the UK.
    At times I would order 10 items and return the lot! (The cost would be the delivery cost - typically about £3.00)

  14. Jenny: The problem is that my parents (dad more than mum) are not blocking the physical manifastation, but imagining the media stereotype...

    Getting a little nervous about the meetng this afternoon, but fingers crossed... Thanks for the vote of confidence.

    Melissa: I'm kind of in the middle there. I just can't get well fitting trousers, mens are either too lose around the waist or too tight a little lower. I'm guessing the reverse is going to be true when I buy womens trousers...

    Lynn: Thanks :) I think I know what I am wearing... Still thinking though :)

    Veronica: Jeans were my plan. I've seen a shop where I should be able to try them on in the shop without too much hassle...

    Calie: Thanks. Here's hoping that they don't react freaked.

    Lisa: They have ben great, and I'm sure they will be fine with it. But there is always the naging doubt...

    I order most things online at the moment, except for shoes - where Mrs Stace tries them on for me. If they fit her, then there is more than a good chance that they'll fit me too...