Well my folks have gone home now, and I’m back at work. Unfortunately the time that I have back from my parents going I am spending on catching up in the office. I’ve caught up to a few days ago with your blogs (but I have been rather quiet I think – sorry), but still have quite an amount to read… The weekend is coming up soon though!
I thought that I’d do a little follow up to Saturday… Looking back over what I wrote I realised that I may have missed most of my emotions when I originally wrote about it. I think I had too much on my mind, and was trying to get the post finished before people started to wake up.
What I think I wanted to add to the original post were my and my mum’s reactions when I first came downstairs. I was expecting to walk into the room and I don’t know what I was going to do. As it was I got to the bottom of the stairs took a step into the living room and said what do you think? My mum turned around and her jaw hit the floor. At which point panic hit and I involuntary took a few steps back until my back was against the wall – and froze. I couldn’t force myself to move – outside of night terrors that I have occasionally, I have never had that sensation before. My lip started to tremble and that’s when my mum rushed over from the sofa to come and hug me and tell me that I looked great; and we both started crying. I wanted to add that as it was such powerful emotion that I can still feel it now.
After I hit the post button last time I went for a run. The weather was awful – it was cold, windy and miserable. And yet I was grinning from ear to ear. I could have run around the lake spinning like Bill Murray in Ghostbusters (for those who remember the original film!). I managed a very good time that day, and was still bursting with energy when I got in.
Due to commitments we didn’t get a chance to talk about it that much during the next day – I was wondering what they were thinking…
Monday came and it was mentioned a couple of times though out the day by mum. We were sitting on the sofa and she asked me whether it had helped me, I told her that it had and passed the question back to her. She said that it had, and that it was great to see me being so natural, and great that she felt so natural talking to me as Stacy. She also pointed out that she thought it was amazing how much some subtle make up (I really don’t wear that much) and a hair style just transformed how I looked. She said that her worries of me being out had now changed. Before she had seen me she worried about what someone might to do me on the street if they took offence. Now she says she’ll worry about her daughter being out. I have to say it really does add to my confidence.
That evening when making drinks I asked my dad whether it had helped him. He said yes. It’s no longer a black hole with no idea. He doesn’t know what it is, but it’s not what it was. Then he said something that I was not expecting. Paraphrased “I’ve not had experience of this type of thing, but I’m your father and it’s something that I have to say. Your skirt is too short.” I pointed out that I hadn’t worn the short one that I have. He cracked up, but I think it was a good idea not to start with the short one :) I found out the next day that it was a conversation that he had had with mum – who told him it was a perfectly OK length. And she told me that just because I had not had those complaints when I was a teenager didn’t mean I was going to get away with not getting them now (and that it was quite a normal reaction for a father seeing his daughter’s skirts)… I have noticed that since Saturday he has started to treat me more like a daughter. A daughter that is a complete petrol head (we’ve been discussing plans for my own rusty wreck – well more rotten than rusty), but a daughter none the less – he’s shown me a lot more emotion than he did before they saw me.
She did ask whether or not I wanted to stand out in heels so much though – until I pointed out that I live in Holland and that at 5’10” I’m still 1/8” shorter than my wife - who also has heels the height that I wear. She smiled and nodded at that.
That brings us up to date again. I just got off of the phone with them before writing this. They have talked more about it and are both really happy that I was prepared to do what I did – that it has helped them immensely as to coming to terms with it. And that, no pressure, should I decide to transition they will just be proud to have the daughter that I am to them.
And I am shattered. I was not expecting to be quite this drained from the experience, cloud nine, a few down times when feeling guilty for making mum feel guilty but mainly good – but I am really drained.
I am not sure if I missed anything here or not (struggling to see the screen to be honest!). And on that note I’m off to bed!