Thursday, 10 December 2009

Just about landed

Well I slept last night... Lights out, my head hit pillow and the next thing I knew the alarm went off. Much better than the night before...

With a couple of exceptions I'm on the up at the moment.

Mrs Stace asked 'the question' last night. My anwser made her cry (my answer being that yes I would change if I could, but I want to and try to learn to cope and stay with her rather than actually change). I feel awful about making her cry. On top of that she feels that she is holding me back, being unfair to me and stopping me being happy. I just can't see myself being happy without her. I'm sure you all know this 'rock and the hard place' issue.

The other problem is the assesment early next year. I don't know if this sounds stupid (I know I am just a paranoid person) but I an petrified that I am going to go in there, fill in the forms and answer the questions, then spend an hour with the therapist - only for them to tell me it's all in my head and to leave.

At least the ball is now rolling, Mrs Stace and I are getting back onto some degree of 'normality' (hate using that word, but can't express it better than that) and I am no longer torn apart on the inside as I was this time last week. I suppose that's progress... The fraggle is on the way back :)


  1. You do sound more chipper, Stace. Don't worry about the assessment! They are not going to turn away a confused fraggle.

    Good for you, answering Mrs. Stace's question honestly. I think my situation would be much better today if I hadn't tried to minimize things in the beginning.

  2. It's certainly improving Leslie. Problem is that I am paranoid by nature. When I know there is something happenning it just gets worse. AS they saying goes... Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you :)

    As for answering the question... I have an appointment at a gender clinic - one that wouldn't have happened without her telling me it was unhealthy to ignore this any longer... At this stage of the game I do not think there is anything worse that I could do to her with the truth (though she says it's better then telling her I was having an affair) ergo I don't see the point in not being 100% honest and open any more...

  3. Been there, done that....many times....with my wife. Generally been me who has been the one crying. We're OK, though, and I work through it day by day.

    Thinking of you, Stace.

    Calie xxx