Monday, 7 December 2009

Best laid plans...

Well two posts in one week...

Thanks to all the advice from Saturdays post, I did think long and hard about how / if I should tell her and had *started* to work out a plan. Unfortunately my body decided to get in the way...

About 11pm last night in bed I had quite a panic attack, by my estimation my heartbeat got to the 120 plus stage, I couldn't lie still and started to have issues breathing - when that happened earlier in the year I ended up in A&E being pumped full of Valium so that I could breath again, and off of work for a week to get over the effects of said Valium.

She asked what was wrong, I told her. Everything.

So far she has been great, I am just terrified of if that changes.

She is wonderful, and everything to me - and I hope that she knows how much I love her.

When the details of last night are less murky in my head (only managed two hours of sleep last night) I may elaborate on this cryptic post. But I think I have to get them right first.

Again thanks to all for your support as well.

Appologies for the poorly structured post.


  1. Oh, Stace... Well, she surely knows just how much this worries you now, and how deeply you feel it. It'll be a few days or weeks before you truly know how she feels.

    Stay strong and get well, sister.

  2. Gosh, Stace.... Well yes, those panic attacks do seem linked to your current situation...

    That SO mirrors the state I was in back in February this year...! I know how you must be feeling.

    I hope things settle down a bit now, but try and get your head clear first... :-)

    Here for you if you need it...


  3. Thanks to both for you thoughts... My head's still not together enough to make a decent reply I'm afraid.

    But thanks - it means a lot to me.

  4. Well Stace I think it may have been the right thing to do.
    I to have had panic aattacks and my heart rate increases dramatically. Often this was when I was about to tell someone or just contemplating telling someone.
    I am pleased she reacted well, but you need to be there for her also as this is a transition for both of you.
    It will take her as much time as it has you to start to understand this.
    She will need help and support in the same way we do.
    If you can keep communicating and supporting each other it will help.
    Well done on the first step.

  5. Thanks Lisa- so far so good. She says that she doesn't know what to think of it yet - we are both still very tired from lack of sleep Sunday night. However, she hsan't pushed me away (which I hope is a good sign)