Sunday, 14 April 2013

Tired, down and garden shopping!

It's been a bit of a strange weekend.

Yesterday I started a new routine on the Xbox, a few minutes longer than the one I was already doing and more energetic as well.  Wow, it was hard!

After that we had a late Brunch as Mrs Stace's great aunt was 98 and we had a family party to go to.  We spent the afternoon with the extended family, trying to talk to her aunts, uncles and cousins (and me failing miserably - when you have lots of people talking over themselves my Dutch fails me completely!).

After 6 hours, and too many snacks, filter coffees and cokes we came home exhausted.  Dr Who, the qualifying for the Chinese GP and the first couple of episodes from Scott and Bailey that we recorded and we were ready for sleep.

And I was feeling really down for some reason (OK, the Vodkatini on less than a full stomach may not have helped!).

You see, I've been reading experiences of GRC online, either via Facebook or in blogs. I think that it's important to go into this with my eyes open, knowing the good, the bad and the painful.

The problem is that I am one of life's worriers. The effects of coming off of hormones for the weeks leading up to the operation don't fill me with 'woohoo'.  A 5 hour operation, a week in the hospital starting recovery.

The months leading up to full recovery. The pain, discomfort, not being able to lead my life.  Missing work for that length of time (my boss and HR have told me to stop thinking of this, that there are far more important things in life, but still it's a concern for me - how to make sure my projects don't stop because I do).

The anaesthetic. The pain. The weight gain (let's face it, that's going to happen - I'm not going to me hoping in front of the Xbox, or running 10km for a while, am I?).

In short, I'm terrified at the moment. It's all going to be temporary. The results will be more than worth it. The  reason for the op does not worry me at all, the sooner the better.  The op itself is what scares the hell out of me.  I don't know if this is normal, or an effect of having 5 very painful operations as a child and teenage which will probably be overshadowed by this one.

I'm feeling much better about it today, but the fear is still there, I'm just coping better :)

And then this morning...  I had a lie in (for me - nearly 8am before I was up!) watched the talking at the start of the GP whilst enjoying a couple of cappuccinos and then went for a run. All week today has been talked up by the weather men and so I was looking forward to it.

So I left the house, without a jacket for only the second time this year and looked at the cloudy, miserable sky and felt the cold wind.


But, after 500m I was warm again and actually really enjoying the run.  I managed to keep a good tempo, and a low(ish) heart rate for most of the run.  On Tuesday when I went running I had decided that I was going to do 9km about half way round.  That was in the evening when I had things I needed to do, today I had no such plans!  About half way round I decided I was going to manage 10! And I succeeded :)

The first 8.6km were done with a low heart rate, 145 to 150bpm, the last 1.6 were done at competition pace (165 to 170) just to see if I could :)

In total I spent 1 hour and 5 minutes running, and really enjoyed it :)  My competition is in 7 days time and whilst I am glad it's the only competition I do a year I am really looking forward to it!

Then this afternoon I was going through the flyers that we get every Sunday and actually found something good.  Garden furniture with 15% discount for this weekend only.  Our table and chairs in the garden are starting to look and feel like they have seen better days, so I thought it was good timing.  A new table, with glass top and 4 new chairs are now ordered and should be here in a few weeks.  Hopefully the real spring will arrive at the same time and we can enjoy them straight away.  Fingers crossed!

After the shopping strip I think the extra workout and the effects of last night caught up with me.  Whilst watching something I drifted in and out of sleep, waking in time to start making veggie lasagne for dinner (easy recipe - nothing spectacular this time ;p).

Don't worry about my low point last night, as the Dutch say 'het hoort erbij'. I'm fine, just a little scared.


  1. Easy for me to say I know but you are on the right side of forty, fit and well. Knowing nothing, but having read loads ... Yes probably painful but once its done you will start getting better every day, both in body and mind.

    I hope you don't dwell too much

  2. Hi Stace!

    While I am nowhere near your point in transitioning, I would have to think your feelings are completely natural. (I can certainly attest to *my* nervousness when looking ahead!)

    It certainly sounds as if you realize that, and are keeping matters in perspective: the short-term discomfort and enforced inactivity (I dread that more than anything, I think) will be so, so worth it.

    And good for you for acknowledging this in your blog! It makes it feel a little less scary; I'll bet I'm not the only one who feels that way, either.

    You are going to do JUST great, Stace! I know it. (Call it woman's intuition. lol)

    Best of luck with your appointment, sweetie!!!!

    Hugs and love,

  3. I used to have a horror of suffering any pain and made great efforts to avoid it if at all possible. Then came hair removal and I was terrified that I would finally get up the courage to try it and not be able to continue, now it was fear of failure more than the pain... I paid my money and never complained even when the tears flowed, started to appreciate the different sensations!

    I turned up for my op expecting to wake up feeling like I had been in a serious car crash and craving morphine. It was removed before I had remembered to give it a decent try... They were constantly asking if I was in pain and in need of something to give relief, discomfort was all I could claim until the gut pain set in as it tried to reboot after the purge.

    This op has become routine with dedicated teams of nursing staff who know what to watch out for and boxes full of pills if you feel at all uncomfortable, if in doubt take what they offer before you feel bad.

    The week cases in a flash and two months being able to lie about and read is not bad. the worrying you are doing is the worst part, once in it you just go with the flow to a better future.

  4. Similar, I suppose. Slow metabolism and other factors mean recovery will be slower than the normal and I've got a mixed record with operations before.
    But am lucky in that I can't come off hormones, really, really like anaesthetics and I've definitely got enough to read. And I still have a few procedure/ops to go first before the worrying sets in.

    1. Thanks all.

      I don't know... I'm just worried and scared about the unknown I suppose. I know it's routine, I hope I am worrying about nothing, and I know the results will be worth it.

      But it's just that you can only really say that on the side :)