Last week I posted that I was having a tough time. In fact I was really struggling.
I was exhausted after the race last week, and still not feeling 100%. I didn't particularly like my time, the pictures that were taken of me when running. I was just a bit (lot) meh...
And so Monday rolled around. I could not get myself moving in the morning, struggled to get to work and then spent time just staring at the computer screen not being able to do anything. I had a series of meetings in the morning that I could have done without, and seeing as they are Scrum meetings and I am evangelical about Scrum you can see what mood I was in.
Before they started I had a chat with my boss. I was not going to be useful that day, I could provide input for the meetings, but other than that I knew I was not going to be productive. I was on the edge of tears and staring into space.
It hit me that I had been feeling the same way for the last couple of weeks. I needed a break. So I took one. I asked to take the afternoon off. From works perspective it would not make a difference. I would either be staring at the screen being unproductive, and stressing about being unproductive, or I could take the afternoon off and be legitimately unproductive. And yes those are the words I used with my boss.
We arranged a chat for the following morning and I went to my meetings.
They went as I expected them to, not great and not awful. and then afterwards I had a chat with a colleague about some work things. Time for lunch and we sat outside for the first time this year. Wonderful out of the wind and in the sun. Our founder and director came to join us and we had a nice chat about the race the day before (everyone is telling me I should be prouder of my time than I am) and just enjoyed a relaxing 45 minutes in the sun.
Then I left for home. I came really close to tears most of the journey back, and so thought better of filling up with fuel and just went straight home.
I put the cushions on the lounge set for the first time this year (if it's not raining it has to happen again this weekend as they all smell like caravan cushions from being shut away over winter). With a nice cup of tea (I am English!) and a book I am proof reading for a friend I laid in the sun and tried to relax.
And a couple of minutes after I finished my tea and put the book down for a second it was suddenly 2 hours later and the sun was disappearing behind the house. OK... I guess I was a little tired as well then. Some more tea, some more pages and then the sun really disappeared and it went cold!
Yet more tea and I thought I'd call my mum. For one I wanted to just have a chat, and for another she gets annoyed if I try and protect her from worrying by not telling her when I'm feeling crappy. 90 minutes later I'd had a great chat with her, and my dad (about both me and the progress of the Spitfire). Feeling a little better I called my Spitfire dealer to order the bits that my dad needs for the car, to discuss photos (I've offered to be his photographer for when they come to Zandvoort to race again). I also sent the witch picture of me with my other sample photos (he was really impressed with the bikes I'm pleased to say), and got two great comments from him. Firstly he was shown the picture without being told who it was, and he had absolutely no idea! (I always take that as a compliment) Secondly, a wonderful comment from him and his wife. I look so much better as Stacy than I did before. Well, you can never hear that enough can you?
By the time I was done Mrs Stace came home from work and we had a chat with each other. We have both been snappy and short tempered recently, and neither of us know why. We have both put it down to the stress of the situation. But talking about it has helped so much. Throughout the night we were making jokes with each other about comments that could be interpreted as snappy and both of us were so much more relaxed.
I was feeling so much better at the end of the day than the start. I was warned that I would feel like this 3 years ago by my therapist, but until now it's not really something I have suffered from. I hope I don't suffer from it much more!
The rest of the week has been fun, but looking at the length of what I have written I think that is another story!