Friday, 26 April 2013

A bit of reflection, and an almost better week!

Hmmm...  Where to to start.

Last week I posted that I was having a tough time.  In fact I was really struggling.

I was exhausted after the race last week, and still not feeling 100%. I didn't particularly like my time, the pictures that were taken of me when running.  I was just a bit (lot) meh...

And so Monday rolled around.  I could not get myself moving in the morning, struggled to get to work and then spent time just staring at the computer screen not being able to do anything.  I had a series of meetings in the morning that I could have done without, and seeing as they are Scrum meetings and I am evangelical about Scrum you can see what mood I was in.

Before they started I had a chat with my boss. I was not going to be useful that day, I could provide input for the meetings, but other than that I knew I was not going to be productive.  I was on the edge of tears and staring into space.

It hit me that I had been feeling the same way for the last couple of weeks.  I needed a break.  So I took one.  I asked to take the afternoon off. From works perspective it would not make a difference. I would either be staring at the screen being unproductive, and stressing about being unproductive, or I could take the afternoon off and be legitimately unproductive. And yes those are the words I used with my boss.

We arranged a chat for the following morning and I went to my meetings.

They went as I expected them to, not great and not awful. and then afterwards I had a chat with a colleague about some work things.  Time for lunch and we sat outside for the first time this year.  Wonderful out of the wind and in the sun.  Our founder and director came to join us and we had a nice chat about the race the day before (everyone is telling me I should be prouder of my time than I am) and just enjoyed a relaxing 45 minutes in the sun.

Then I left for home.  I came really close to tears most of the journey back, and so thought better of filling up with fuel and just went straight home.

I put the cushions on the lounge set for the first time this year (if it's not raining it has to happen again this weekend as they all smell like caravan cushions from being shut away over winter).  With a nice cup of tea (I am English!) and a book I am proof reading for a friend I laid in the sun and tried to relax.

And a couple of minutes after I finished my tea and put the book down for a second it was suddenly 2 hours later and the sun was disappearing behind the house.  OK...  I guess I was a little tired as well then.  Some more tea, some more pages and then the sun really disappeared and it went cold!

Yet more tea and I thought I'd call my mum.  For one I wanted to just have a chat, and for another she gets annoyed if I try and protect her from worrying by not telling her when I'm feeling crappy.  90 minutes later I'd had a great chat with her, and my dad (about both me and the progress of the Spitfire).  Feeling a little better I called my Spitfire dealer to order the bits that my dad needs for the car, to discuss photos (I've offered to be his photographer for when they come to Zandvoort to race again). I also sent the witch picture of me with my other sample photos (he was really impressed with the bikes I'm pleased to say), and got two great comments from him.  Firstly he was shown the picture without being told who it was, and he had absolutely no idea! (I always take that as a compliment) Secondly, a wonderful comment from him and his wife.  I look so much better as Stacy than I did before. Well, you can never hear that enough can you?

By the time I was done Mrs Stace came home from work and we had a chat with each other.  We have both been snappy and short tempered recently, and neither of us know why. We have both put it down to the stress of the situation.  But talking about it has helped so much.  Throughout the night we were making jokes with each other about comments that could be interpreted as snappy and both of us were so much more relaxed.

I was feeling so much better at the end of the day than the start.  I was warned that I would feel like this 3 years ago by my therapist, but until now it's not really something I have suffered from.  I hope I don't suffer from it much more!

The rest of the week has been fun, but looking at the length of what I have written I think that is another story!


  1. And a couple of minutes after I finished my tea and put the book down for a second..

    Ahh, a cup of tea, a good book and a little bit of time to relax, what couldn't be better?

    Well, other than a time-machine to re-re-re-read a bit longer.

    Hope the other days are going well.

    1. I was watching Victoria Woods Nice Cup of Tea - well the first half, our HDD recorder threw a wobbly and so we don't have the second part :'( - and it is amazing how much of life comes down to 'Have a nice cup of tea' as part of the solution :)

      The rest of the week went really well actually (well except for trying to sort out servers on Friday!)

      And now I have a long weekend. Today is setting up the new garden furniture, cleaning the BBQ after the winter (ewww!) and then (hopefully) after a 10km run I want to collapse in the garden with a nice fire to keep me warm.

      Tomorrow is a little shopping and (hopefully) a lot of relaxing!

      Fingers crossed!

  2. Totally agree with Lynn, It is amazing how a sunny afternoon, some tea (OK, coffee in my case), and a good book can do more good than any number of over-the-counter remedies!

    It's so wonderful that you can be totally open with Mrs. Stace and your parents, Stace. Good for you for appreciating it! Of course, it's a reflection of who *you* are that they are so willing to help. I am sure you have done the same for them many times over.

    Also, I *love* it that your Dad had no idea the witch picture was you! lol The photography job sounds like it will be a lot of fun too.

    Enjoy your Saturday, sweetie!


    1. Coffee is my morning poison of choice (after fixing the automatic milk frother on the machine yesterday I can enjoy amazing cappuccinos in home again, happy days).

      We try to be as open as possible with each other, otherwise it's never going to work anyway. Both the things that we can cope with, and the bits we can't. But we try to never have the 'we need a talk' chats and make sure that it's just something that we talk about.

      I think I may have screwed up the narrative a little... It wasn't my dad who did not recognise (I think that he has seen me too often now) but the dealer who had no idea who the person in the picture was. Though both of my parents say their son has completely disappeared from the pictures pictures they have. Something that both saddens them (after all for more than 30 years I was their son), and makes them really happy.

      Thanks, Saturday was great, if a little too alcoholic!