Not melancholic, but a happy flashback I had this week.
We (and by we I mean Mrs Stace) have spent some time recently spring cleaning the bedroom. Trying to find space for all of our things, and trying to clear up the too many bits and bobs we have.
And so another clean out of the wardrobe has happened, really it should have been done last year when I transitioned, but at the time I just got rid of the clothes that were in the way so I had space for my new wardrobe.
A large pile of clothes, keep or throw out for each of them and they all went. I have enough DIY clothes and that is the only thing I would wear those for.
Except...
There are a few things that I just can't part with. And they all belong to my wedding outfit.
A suit, in a colour that I always swore I would never buy (but is actually really nice), the tie and shirt and the shoes that went with it (bought from a specialist shop in Amsterdam so they actually fitted).
And I just can't consider getting rid of any of them. I've never worn the suit after the day, the shoes did get some use in dance lessons a few years ago - the leather soles were perfect for dancing, but obviously I have not worn them for a long time now.
And yet, they stay. Categorically. The memories of that day are still very fresh in my head. The only photo that we have of him the house is also one from the wedding day, and that stays too. I may not feel much connection with the man in the photo, but he looks so happy (and looks good - about the only picture where I would say that! Maybe that is also the memories working on me) and it can take me back instantly to when the photo was taken that I couldn't not see it all the time.
Happy days :)
How is it something as mundane as a pair of dusty shoes can do that to you?
What a sweet post. I'm happy after reading it, Stace. :c) Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Cass
Thanks Cass. It's one of those posts that came to me in the car, that I had to type up at night!
DeleteI've always said that if you could remove the GID then my life before transitioning would not have been bad, in fact it would have been great. Memories like this remind me of that :)
Stace
Actually they can. While 99% of my clothes went there were a few over-sized hooded sweatshirts that I kept, and obviously my hockey jersey(to wear to games of course).
ReplyDeleteYet there was one thing that when I looked at it I could not part with. I collected neckties, it was one of the few fashion expressions I could get away with. I hate, hate, HATE standard ties, e.g. stripes, dots, etc. I had asymmetric geometric patterns, psychedelic, solids, abstract, simple colors with one small color spot on it, you name it. Most of them from when I was younger and had to wear a suit. They are harder to find today then in the nineties but I always hung onto them.
I did not keep them, except for one. It was a tie I purchased for my high school graduation pictures. It was a hand painted silk tie that I would often pair with a deep purple dress shirt. EVERYONE always loved that tie. Women especially, but guys too would often say "cool tie". I could not part with it. I have it safely stowed away and when I have the opportunity I intend to mount it in a shadow box with a swatch of purple fabric behind it and turn it into an artistic piece.
I had it for 22 years the idea of tossing it out or selling to a resale shop just did not seem right.
Isn't it weird how things can do that to you?
DeleteI do have some more practical things as well. Some of them are not "men's" clothes. My skates are women's skates as no men's skates would fit, climbing shoes as they are kids shoes (though I don't see myself climbing until after the op - there is something about the tightness and place of tightness of a climbing harness that makes me thing I should wait...) and my biker leathers.
They are men's leathers (and they don't fit in a couple of places any more) and I haven't replaced those because a) they a cost a small fortune! and b) I just can't get the same level of protection in women's leathers. Why I don't know, but my leathers have padding, slide panels and titanium plates to try and keep you safe from gravel rash. Women's leathers have flowers on them.
I think it's good to hang on to something. Whilst I would not tell someone who didn't know about me what my history was, I would not dream of rewriting my history either. And the day of those clothes mean so very much to me. (Smiling as I write this!)
Stace
BTW I bet you still look stunning in the tie :)