Saturday, 19 February 2011

Two trip week

Well that is a very stressful week over.

The review process has started.  It’s going fine, but the first is taking time and I’m worried a little about it.

Other things have taken time and I’ve done a few hours of overtime most days.

And then there was the two nights out as Stacy.

Tuesday I went for a meal with a friend.  Finished work, late, got to his to get changed – as I was running late I had to get changed in half my normal time.  And managed it!  Male to Stacy in less than 45 minutes is a record for me!

When we were ready I drove to the café, whilst he cycled (he had to get some cash).  Now, at this point I was a little nervous.  The café where we were going is not that far from the office.  And, even worse, was on the route from the office to the train station.  I manage to find a parking space, got changed into my boots (I don’t drive in heels!) got out of the car and thankfully the only colleague coming down the street was the friend I was meeting :)

Went to the pub, and had some drinks and ordered the food (and very nice it was too!!!).  At some point, as I have a bladder the size of a pea I had to break the toilet barrier.  I have had a discussion or two with my therapist about why this is such an issue.  Both the issue that some people make of it and the issue in your head; he explained it pretty well…  And also said in no uncertain terms that it’s simple – Stacy goes to the ladies, male me goes to the gents.  Anyway, it was a complete non-issue in the café…

All in all it was a good evening, the only issue being that I had to cut it short as I had to get my kit ready for the outing the next day.

The next day I don’t know what happened, but I went in to a major downward spiral.  I don’t know what it was that set it off, but I was checking new blogs and suddenly I had a ‘What the hell are you doing moment!’  Complete with a cold sweat, shaking and inability to think / do anything.

Now, I know that I was going to see some friends for the first time, and that his mother in law was also going to be there, along with his kids.  After getting my hair cut we were supposed to be going out for a drink.  I guess it was a full night.  But I was not ready for the panic that morning.

I took some of my herbal pills (first time on about 6 months I think) and calmed down a little.  Went through the day (no idea what I was doing in the office any more), played some table football at lunch and lost completely as I had no idea what I was doing.  Took some more pills and tried to complete the afternoon.  Then it was time to get ready.  Only I procrastinated.  Too much…  I was left myself with little time to get changed again.  I left the office went to my friends place and when I stopped outside had a little panic attack.  And I really do not know why…

Luckily I beat my previous days record of getting ready (not that difficult as I did not do my hair – no point in filling it with mouse and hairspray when someone is about to cut it is there?).  I had managed to get myself back on track, just.  Then when putting my shoes on and I noticed that one area of my foot was a lightly different colour to the rest.  Damn.  First time I’ve had a ladder when I was in a rush.  As quick a change as possible (always carry a spare pair :p) and I was off, but late again.

Got to the house, thankfully once I was outside of the city traffic still flowed quickly just in time to see S get back from work.  Apart from me being stressed to the hilt it all went well.  I got compliments from everyone, and a joke from his mother-in-law (they told me you were coming as you today and that I had to be OK with it).

His youngest daughter, who is just learning to talk didn’t notice anything.  His other daughter was a little distant at first – and asked her mum when I was out of the room ‘Why is daddy’s friend a girl now?’  Her mum explained that sometimes people are a girl on the inside even when they are a boy on the outside, or vice versa.  She was a little unsure, but generally fine.

I got my hair cut, and had a chat with his wife whilst she cut my hair, and he put the kids to bed.  His wife did a wonderful job on styling my hair.  Normally she cuts it and quickly does a Stacy style, and then styles it for male me (as it’s normally Male me that goes).  This time she went to town on the styling.  I was over the moon with the result.

We discussed some technical issues he has at work, and he gave me some great searching tips using SQL Server Free Text Search for a home project and then we went out for a quick drink (by this time we were quite late, so it had to be a quick drink unfortunately).

Odd thing is that except for a slight feeling of nausea before going into the café everything was fine when out and about.  At no other point was I worried about what I was doing.  We had a drink, a chat and had a really great time.  I relaxed completely and can honestly say he really knows how to make you feel like a lady.  On issue is he refused to allow me to pay!  We stayed longer than we thought we were going to (time flies and all that).  So whilst he paid I put the bathroom fear to rest and we left.

Got back to his place, thanked his wife again for doing my hair and left for home.

All in all they were two great nights, wonderful for my development – and something that I really have to do more.

And now I can try to relax :)


  1. Talk about a week of highs and lows. Sorry to hear (read?) it threw you a bit. I think that's only natural. [insert hug here]

    The new haircut sounds fab and I think the explanation from your friend's wife was great.

  2. Young children are the most observant gender police on the planet. A glance at someone like us is like a virus in a computer program, instant chaos. at least she say you as a girl, that is a result. If you can pass that test , why all the anxiety?

    Having hair done finally how you want it has to be one of life's joys especially with someone you get on with, lucky you.

    Caroline xxx

  3. This is a wonderful post Stace! Two great nights indeed, with so much to feel very positive about.

    I would suggest it is about time you revisit your "About Me" description girl!



  4. Sounds like a week of stepping beyond your comfort zone. And you did great! This really does get easier the more you do it. Hint hint. :)

  5. Lynn: Thanks for the hug, I really needed it on Wednesday.

    The hair was great, but I have no idea how to reproduce it..

    I thought she managed to make the explaination simple and understandable.

    Caroline: :) I hadn't thought about it like that... :)

    Halle: I still look back with a very happy and contented feeling, along with a little bit of 'wow, was that really me!'

    I'll take a look at it today ;p

    Ariel: I take the hint, hint :) The problem is lack of opportunity at the moment...


  6. You mention "herbal" supplements, not sure why you take them, but be careful as most (all) of them do not do what they say or claim. Not only do they not do anything but they can (most often do) harm you liver and kidneys. Don't get me wrong vitamins are relatively worth while, but anything else you can (will) do more harm than good.

    As for the getting out, and overcoming your anxiety to do so, great job!!! :)

  7. Hi Bree! The herbal tablet I took is Valerian:

    This is on the advice of my doctor - as long as it works it's much better than taking something stronger...

    I don't take anything other then what I have discussed with a doctor!

    Thanks for the concern though :)