A busy day

Mrs Stace managed to make a liar of me this week, in a very good way I’ll add.

On Wednesday I answered a comment from Melissa that Mrs Stace was not ready to go out with Stace just yet, that she had to go at her own pace and that I was not going to push matters.

Well that all changed that evening over food.  We had already planned to go shopping that weekend, Mrs Stace wants some new trousers and I need a new outfit.  Over dinner Mrs Stace said that she had been thinking that it was time to bite the bullet and go shopping with Stace instead of male me.

So Saturday came, I went running – with a lot of pain in my jaw still :( - and got ready as Stace.  I had a bit of confidence crisis, resulting in me putting on too much make up as I was convinced what remained of my moustache was showing through the foundation like a beacon.  Mrs Stace told me that there was nothing showing, and that I was panicking for no reason.  I think that both of us were getting a little worked at the point of leaving, it was a big step for both of us; the first time out with me as Stace for her, and the first time in a really busy place for me.

The first job of the day was to find out where everything was (as we had not been to that shopping centre before and find somewhere to eat.  I actually felt pretty good, once out of the car.  When parking and changing from my driving shoes into my boots I was a bag of nerves (just what you need when parking in a narrow, busy multi storey car park!), but once I stepped out the car it was too late to panic.  Walking through the shopping centre I actually felt pretty OK.  There were no obvious looks, or following glances.  We found the shops that we wanted to look at and went to a department store to eat.  We had a chat and some lovely sandwiches – salmon for me and ham for Mrs Stace – and sat for a while before starting to shop.

Or almost starting to shop – first up I needed a bathroom break.  I was really hoping to avoid this; it is one thing to need a bathroom break in a nearly empty café at the end of the evening but in a busy department store and having to queue before going in.  In the end it was worrying about nothing, no looks, and no comments – just a pleasant attendant taking my money.  So the hurdle jumped time to start shopping in earnest.

I found an Esprit trench coat for spring in beige – and actually trying that on in the shop made me feel amazing self-conscious.  I don’t know why but I suddenly felt on display – I tried to hide it and carry on regardless.  Mrs Stace also seemed to struggle at this point – though she could not say why.  I loved the coat, and but cannot fathom why sizes vary so much.  When I was looking for a winter coat I had to go for an XL (though Mrs Stace says there is no way that it is XL).  The tops I buy are M, and skirts and trousers are 36/38.

And then I buy a coat that is 40, as the 42 buried me.  I have a suggestion for the fashion industry…  Why not make a range of standardised sizes so that when out shopping it is easy to find the size you are looking for by picking up an article that is the same as your normal size so you have some idea of how it is going to fit.  We looked around some more – Mrs Stace picked up some trousers and a nice top and we went to the changing rooms.  Oddly enough in Holland this is a non-issue as they are mixed anyway so there were no nerves here.

She didn’t like what she had picked when on so she went to put them back and I went to pay for the coat (another nervous hurdle jumped!) and we went to look in other shops.

We browsed through some other shops and ended up at We.  There things went a little wrong for me (my fault, I was a little stupid).  We had picked up an amount of things and I then found a lovely skirt.  The problem was that it was the skirt to a jacket that Mrs Stace brought last week.  I was stupid enough to say “I’ll leave it; you don’t want me stealing your jacket do you”.  That manage to get a look apparently – the first one that either of us had noticed (maybe I need to start believing my therapist on my passability a little more).  I kind of brushed that off, we went into the changing room and tried our selections on.  And again with the sizes…  I was walking around in a 36 skirt, I had taken a 38 skirt into the changing rooms and…  It only just fitted (where as the 36 skirt that I had on had a little breathing room), and didn’t fall the best.  And the top that I had wanted to try was also not the best.  And was even worse when I took it off and found I had left some foundation on it…

That experience, and the fact that the painkillers I had taken for my jaw were wearing off, made me want to just go home – so we left at that point.

But, the day in general was a success I think.  Mrs Stace coped well – she was nervous at the start and a little uncomfortable but she said it was not as bad as she was expecting.  I’m going to count that as a result for the first trip.  And I managed to keep my head for most of the trip – it was a real confidence builder for me.

A little bit of pain...

Well it seems I owe my nephew an applogy...  Yesterday at work I called my dentist to make an emergency appointment for Monday afternoon.  I picked Monday as it wasn't that bad that I needed immediate attention, but at the same point it needed looking at.

Throughtout the day it was getting worse, and I was really starting to lose concentration and getting exhausted from the constant pain when I moved my head, swallowed or just the constant dull, throbbing pain that had moved to a tooth where I had a filling last year.

At about two I had had enough, I popped some paracetamol and called the dentist a second time to get an appointment as soon as possible.  Unfortunately my dentist does not work on a Friday afternoon, but had a colleague that had some time if I could get there quickly.  I made the appointment, let my boss know that I was leaving and ran to try and make the next intercity train back home (running with a throbbing tooth is really no fun thing!)

I managed to just make the train, and called Mrs Stace (who was thankfully working from home yesterday).  I had an issue in getting to the dentist quickly.  I work 30 miles from home as the crow flies and as Mrs Stace was at home she had the car so that she could do the weekly shop instead of me.  This meant I had to use public transport to get home.  Now, the Dutch public transport system is fantastic - but even so it means that you are reliant on their timetable - and it adds a lot of time to your journey.  So...  I called Mrs Stace and asked her to pick me up from Schiphol Airport (the last stop of the Intercity) and take me to the dentist (a further 20 miles from home) in order to get there in the time agreed with the dentist.

She picked me up and we made it in plenty of time.  Actually we made in in enough time to read through 'The Gruffalo' in the waiting room.  We brought this for our neice and nephew on our last trip to the UK and wanted to know how it was translated to Dutch (we read the English version to our neice and nephew - they are not going to have a language problem when it comes to their English lessons at school I think...  My neice is only 5 and can already count to 10 in English - actually she has been doing it for a year or more, and is constantly asking for translations from Dutch to English from Mrs Stace and myself)

In the dentist chair I started to panic (I am not a good patient! I am terrified), and had to work hard to calm down.  She prodded and poked and found the problem.  Seems I had chipped some of the filling somehow and the nerve was exposed, and very sensitive. A quick x-ray later and she had the confirmation that the filling needed to be removed and replaced.  She offered a temporary solution of using a liquid to close off the nerve for the coming months - but as it would just be delaying the inivetable I decided to have it replaced whilst I was there and already in a panic.

I won't go into detail of the procedure, but she was fantastic at her job.  She did everything she could to keep me calm and talked me though the entire procedure and checked with me every step of the way to make sure that I was not going into too much of a panic.  Stopping and helping me relax at the most painful points.

Last night I was exhausted from the day - why is it a simple tooth ache can take it out of you so much?  We went to bed early (for a Friday) and I was asleep almost as soon we as turned the lights out.

On a different note...  I do appriciate that the issues of my day are insignificant compared to what has happened in Japan in the last 24 hours or so.  The images shown were too horrifying for words - the sheer power of nature is...  Well it's indescribable.  My heart goes out to those affected.

Stace

I can't beleive that he got lost!

On the Thursdays when I am not in therapy I run with a group of people from the office, some are training for the Hilversum 5km run (I'm one of those) and others just want to get fit.  We split ourselves into two groups: One 10km group, and one 5km group, go our seperate ways and see each other during the acros the Gooische Hai (can someone who know's Dutch better than me correct that spelling please :p)

Today started badly - I was accosted by a colleague just when running upstairs to get changed so I had to rush in getting ready - almost forgetting my heart band in the process!

We started our run and were busy with the warm up when someone fell and knocked her head on the ground. She was OK afterwards, but decided to head back to the office rather than carry on running.  That left four of us.  We completed the warm up, did our stretches and then started running - through the neighbourhood where the office is located and then onto the open country side.

In spite of the cold (and boy was it cold in the wind!) is was a nice day for a run, once we got up to speed we stayed warm enough.  The wild life seems to have returned to the parkland, thankfully not Melissa's wild life but deer and highland cows - though the cows are not my favortite creatures when you have to run within a few inches of them either!

4 mins, followed by 1 min rest and then we started on the longest run of the day - a 15 min semi competition pace run.  All went well - we passed the 10km group as they were coming the other way and made quite some distance.  Too much apparently...

My colleague who was doing the organising managed to take a few wrong turns.  So instead of 4 + 15 + 8 minute runs taking us +- 5 KM's we added another 8 minutes trying to get back and another 3km's.

I'm not really complaining, I just thought it was funny (until we came across the cows a second time!) and at least I have earnt my cider and wine tonight :)

On a less fun note I have a real problem with my jaw today, it is really painful!  I don't know if I have a filling that is going bad (I am going to call the dentist in the morning and try and get an appointment for Monday) or if my nephew managed to cause me some mischeif yesterday when he was playing / struggling to stay in the bath.

He has taken to trying to tickle people constantly, but has yet to learn the difference between pinching and tickling once he gets excited.  And yesterday he grapped the flesh under my chin quite hard, and I am wondering if that has caused a bruise.  Alternatively...  I was giving him a bath last night and he really, really did not want to get out and jammed himself in and gripped the sides making it hard to lift him out.  I had to twist into the shower (where his baby bath is put) and try to free him and am wondering if I stretched something wrong trying to do it.  BTW contrary to what Mrs Stace thinks, I am not try ing to blame him for the pain I am in right now... More trying to convince myself that the pain is that rather than something with my teeth :)

The reason why I am wondering though is my tooth aches a little, but the pain comes when I hold my head in strange positions.  I can touch the tooth, eat normally and tap my jaw with no problem.  But when swallowing, or moving my head or touching the fleshy bit under my jaw it hurts.  I'm going to get the tooth checked anyway - rather get it checked for no reason than not check it and it turns out that is the problem and it goes even worse...

Three sessions and four days...

Friday afternoon, when I had finished work for the week I had my next laser session.  That makes three now, and marks the halfway point of the initial course that I paid for.  As such I thought that I would do a quick update as to how it is going so far.

The results really are so much better than what I had been expecting from before I started.  Down the left hand side of my face there is almost nothing left - smooth skin has returned for the first time in 10 years.  Down the right there is a little more, but nothing too bad.

The only real problems area's that remain are my lip and chin - which whilst much better than before are still quite covered in hair, which I know are the most dificult bits to clear.  Here I also have an issue where clumps of hairs are left - meaning of course that they stand out a little more than I would like against the surrounding smooth (pale) skin.

With the obvious improvement in facial hair I expected it to be a slightly less painfull experience than before.  Hahahahaha.  Stupid Stace...  Of course not!  The woman wielding the pain started with my upper lip this time and, oh my god, yup...  It still hurt like hell and tears were rolling down my cheeks almost instantly. My neck and chin were painful too, but nowhere near as bad as my lip.  It's really at the points of the clumps - you feel the heat and then the buzz of the EF afterwards and my whle body jerks with the pain.  It doesn't seem to matter what I do to avoid it - my yoga breathing just goes to pot as soon as the pain hits.  My cheeks are at least at the point where they do not hurt anymore - not really surprising I suppose as there is almost no hair there of course.

I was going to say that at least the recovery time is getting better as I could wet shave the next day...  But...  No, I'm afraid not.  The after pain had just not come out - I am now at the pain point again, with the difficulty of shaving that goes with it! Why oh why are fried hairs so difficult (and painful) to shave off? :)

Oh, but it is so worth it in the end...  The woman commented about how well it was going  - saying it's far better than they would have expected - let's hope that means that I don't need to order another 6 sessions in July!

What I need...

Apparently I need more self-confidence.  That is something that my therapist said to me during my last session.  He also said don’t worry it’ll come…  We’ll see.

The situation came from my trips out a few weeks ago.  The Tuesday went fine, the Wednesday I had a terrible day.  Worried, panicking and just wondering what the hell I was doing with my life.  We deconstructed that in the session and we came to the Tuesday evening.  If you ready the post from then you’ll see that I had a great night – and I stand by that I did.

There was just one thing that got to me.  We were sitting eating and the guy who does the cooking in the café on a Tuesday came up and asked if we wanted anything else to drink.  And asked does *he* want anything else.  He has met me a few times before meeting Stacy, and I know that there was nothing to it except for habbit.  But it kind of deflated me a little, and I think that the following day it just got me really down.

Where does the confidence come into it?  My therapist told me that I should have corrected him – but I just don’t have the confidence to get into possible confrontational situations.  I’m sure he would have not caused one – but… Oh well, learning point I suppose.

Stace

Fun weekend

Well, it’s been a busy weekend so far – but all good.

Yesterday morning I went for my normal run.  I have cut it to 3.5KM per day for the weekend as my knees are playing up (I could barely walk on Thursday – before I fell down the stairs in my heels ;p).  I think the problem is with my running shoes.  They are a few years old, and have had quite some use; and I think that the heels have just worn out and collapsed internally – meaning I have no support or cushioning.  So on Friday I brought new shoes.  Interesting experience.  As I can’t buy men’s shoes in my size I always have to go for women’s shoes.  The guy in the first shop was great.  He went looking for the size I needed, came back saying they didn’t have it.  Then he very nervously asked if they were for me or someone else.  Me I said.  Oh, in that case we have lots of other women’s running shoes if you’d care to pick something else.  I declined (I like Asics for running – they are comfortable and give good support) – but I thought that he handled it very well.  In the second shop it was less good.  The guy did his job well enough – but there was something in his attitude that said here is a bloke buying women’s shoes.  I think that they had a laugh about it when I left. Hoh hum.  The shoes themselves are great though.  No issues when I got back yesterday, and going for a run with Mrs Stace later today.

Then I had to go into town to get the car that I am building for my niece fixed.  I brought the bits I needed a couple of weeks ago, and I thought they didn’t fit.  A quick trip back to the model store with the car, transmitter and receiver and the guy showed me that I was being stupid :)  There has been a change in technology since I first brought the car 14 years ago and I just wasn’t up to date.

The plus side is that I now have a working chassis.  I had forgotten how much fun it was to play with.  I hope that she likes it and that it’s not too much for someone her age…  It’s a little quick, and she is going to have to practice with it to be able to control it well – mind you it’s going to be great for hand eye coordination!  Now we just have to pant the shell before her birthday.  We brought a convertible shell, are going to paint it metallic lilac, and we are going to paint a Hello Kitty on the bonnet and boot lid as she loves that.  It’s going to be quite a family collaboration to get it done.  I am going to spray the shell, and have built the chassis.  Mrs Stace is going to stencil the Hello Kitty on the shell.  My sister in law is going to fine line the Hello Kitty as she has a very steady hand, and then Mrs Stace is going to fill it in afterwards.  I can’t wait to see the finished result.

Then it was time to do some baking.  We ordered ‘The Hummingbird Bakery Cookbook’ from Amazon and it arrived on Friday.  Hehe.  The recipes look amazing, mind you for the two of us there is possibly too much – I see my team getting lots of treats in the near future as I try more recipes.  Yesterday I tried the recipe for New York Cheesecake.  It’s in the fridge looking lovely at the moment – but as it had to chill overnight I can’t say what it tastes like just yet.  That comes this afternoon.  Yum.

Finally… Having played with the new speakers for a week I have found some unexpected work.  Our set up has been an iPod for background music, and the Blu-ray for playing CD’s when we really wanted to listen to something.  There has always been a clear difference between the two, but it was always good enough.

The new speakers / amplifier have spoilt us somewhat.  It’s not that the iPod sounds worse per say.  It’s that the new set-up show’s up all of the missing signal that the iPods poor circuitry, and the MP3’s poor encoding introduces.  It sounded hollow compared to listening to CD’s – and was not pleasant anymore – even for background listening.  When you know what it can sound like, it’s disappointing to have the iPod on.

So…  I have spent yesterday afternoon sorting the CD’s back into alphabetical order (something we do every couple of years as they get mixed up) and now I am busy encoding my whole collection again; for the fourth time (hopefully the last time!).  First time was encoded for MiniDisc using Sony Sonic Stage; second time was as 196kbps MP3, then 320kbps.  Now I am using FLAC – that is about half the size of a CD (three times bigger than the 320 MP3) but crucially is a lossless encoding (it sounds as good as a CD, and contains all the information of a CD – so I can convert the FLAC to any other format I need in the future).  After spending 6 hours doing it yesterday I managed to complete ‘A’.  25 albums.  That’s about 10% of the collection.  I think it’s going to take a while before the rest are complete (I’m 4 albums into ‘B’ at the moment from the 40 that we have).  I think I may need to buy more storage as well :)

Unintentional trip

Today was my first therapy session since the beginning of February - through my therapists vacations and my own trip to Leicetser last week.

I had to remember to leave on time today as i needed to recharge my chip card; bank cards over here have a chip that you can move money to (rather than having cash) and the parking meeters in Amsterdam only accept that form of payment.

I should have done it this morning on the way to work, but with the ice this morning it completely slipped my mind.  So I managed to leave on time, stopped at the shops and found the machine out of order.  It would tell me how much I still had on my card (about a euro less than I needed) but would not allow me to recharge it. A quick trip into a shop to ask where there was another charge point and I found it it was too far away to do before I got ready.

And that it was in a busy shopping street.  Gulp, had to happen at some point.  So get ready (hair went wildly wrong, and only after a lot of work could I bring it back to eighties pop video - not great, but doable) and I was off. 

Well nearly...  When leaving my friends house and locking up his door I heard one of his neighbours coming in, that threw me a little.  Nothing to do but just get on with it, so I locked up and left.  Got the the final flight of strairs saw his neighbour, said hello.  And nearly went flying as I missed a step with my heel.  But he was a nice and checked that I was OK (I was, don't worry, I only slipped - I didn't actually fall).  I made a joke and was on my way.

Got to the street, and...  Nothing.  It was a complete non event.  I parked, changed out of my driving shoes, walked to the machine, waited to use it and went back.  No second looks, no sniggering and no comments.  :)  Just the type of sudden outing that was great to build some more confidence.

Stace