Sunday, 25 September 2011

Making my aunt cry...

The last time that my parents were visiting Leicester my mum asked if she could tell her sister.  This is something that she wanted to do a while ago so that she had someone close that she could talk to. At the time I told her it wasn't a problem - but she changed her mind, deciding that at the time there was no one else that needed to know.

This time she said that she said that as I have planning for transition she thought that it was time to tell her, and I agreed.

I guessed that she had told her when I got a very supportive text message from her.  I was going to call her at the weekend, giving her some time to think - but she was working the whole weekend and her home phone went through to the answer phone each time I tried.  The following weekend I gave her a call and we had a great chat.  Some of it about Stacy, but most of it was just a catchup as I hadn't spoken to her since February when I was last in the UK.  We also arranged that we would stay there for our stop over rather than with my dad's sister as we normally do.

So...  We got there after a long day's drive and got settled in.  Mrs Stace was not feeling well (I think I have what she had at the moment - slight dizziness and stomach cramp) and so she went to bed early, whilst I stayed up chatting about various things with my aunt.

The following day after a fish and chips supper (has to be done at least once when I am in the UK) and I asked my aunt if she wanted to meet me as Stacy - or would she rather wait until the new year.  She said she would like to see me now if I didn't mind, and if I didn't mind getting changed again before her partner was back.  Apparently he doesn't have too much of an issue - but has said that he would rather wait until I am living as Stacy before he meets me, because at the time he will see me as Stacy (which he doesn't yet).  My therapist has told me that some people work better this way, so I said OK.

I came down after getting changed and got some nice comments from her and we got chatting.  She tried on some of my shoes, as my mum had told her I have some nice ones and as she is a shoe person she wanted to try and steal some. Thankfully found she has slightly smaller feet than me so she can't :)

Anyway we got chatting again about various things, both T and non T related, and then she brought up the Livvy James story.  She said that she thought it was too soon for a child to know and asked me when I knew.  I told her I was four or five, and that it figures in my earliest memories. I think that this shocked her - she asked why I didn't say anything.  I answered that I was scared, and given the school I went to (and the attitudes there from students and teachers alike) that I didn't think that there was anything that I could do about it.

This got her quite upset, worrying about what type of life I have had and asking what quality of life I have had. And at that point she started to cry.  She came across the room to give me a big hug - though I don't know who was comforting who.

We got chatting again afterwards, but it was more chit chat than anything specific.  But I think that I can say that it was an overwhelmingly positive evening.

Oh, and she has changed her mind about Livvy :) 


  1. I have now drawn a veil over the past, it is the present and future which is important but those moments like yours trying to explain the impossibility of our past situates which bring on mutual floods of tears...

    She can ow relate to a positive image of you rather than an abstract based on media horror stories when she thinks about you and your new life to come.

  2. One of the comments from my therapist was that I have too much of a veil over the past. It's gone, there is nothing I can do and let's face it even if I could what I am going to change? My life is what it is due to choice I have made - I am me due to those choices too. Sure it would have been easier for me if I had done this 15 or 20 years ago, but I didn't. Ergo I have stopped getting upset by it, I've moved on from there and am concentrating far more on where I am, and where I am going. That in the other hand does still scare me :) As I said in my last post, I think that's a good thing as it means I am thinking about it!

    That they can see the positive image is exactly the reason why I want people who kow to meet me as Stacy. I have had nothing but positive comments so far from the people who have done - including the 'Much better than I was expecting' or 'Wow, you dress just like a 30 something woman' comments :)


  3. How wonderful. Better than you could hope I guess

    Pleased for you


  4. 'Wow, you dress just like a 30 something woman' comments :)

    Psst. How does a 30 something woman dress?

    Confused of Nottingham

    PS: on a less flippant note, lovely to hear that it all went well!

  5. Well.... To start with you need :P

    I guess you could paraphrase it as 'Wow, you are not dressed as an over the top drag queen!' It's what most people who have seen me have tried not to say in so many words...

    Thanks both,

    (On a serious note, how she wants to and feels comfortable doing - you don't seem to do too badly ;p)

  6. It amazes me just how much positive support you have had from nearly everyone you touch, Stace. You are so fortunate.

    I've never seen a therapist and perhaps my past is the reason. I have alluded to it at times in my blog. Very ugly, made fun of, terrorized by others in school, dressing daily when pre-teen and worried about being caught....and my father's absolute insistence that if I grew my hair long I must be a "homo" (his words). I have buried this and now it only surfaces when I read comments such as this post. I think a therapist would just cause me to bawl my eyes out...

    Calie xxx

  7. The support I have had is amazing - so far there has only been one less than positive response. Oddly enough from someone who I hadn't expected it - not negative, but she has gone very quiet and whilst she said she needed time and would get back to me... Well that was before my trip to the UK back in August. It does weigh on me as she was someone who Mrs Stace and I got on with very well, and because my mum is not very forgiving of people who do that (in fact she is very vocal on the phone about that) and I don't want them to fall out with a relative just because of me! but there is not much I can do.

    Seeing a therapist was the best thing that I ever did (or so I say at the moment). I would not be on this path except for that. But then, as your path is different maybe that is not such a good thing... I just wish that I could provide more support than typing into a comment box from ±4000 miles away...