It's been a little quiet here the last few weeks as I have not been around - or near to an internet connection most of the time. I spent the time travelling around Ireland and the UK, and of course passing through Belgium and France on the way there and back! All in all I think that we covered something approaching 6000km in two weeks and spent nearly 80 hours behind the wheel of the car. As comfortable as the V50 is that is still a long time :)
There is the tired...
But... That's not the only reason for the title. Yesterday, about 15 hours after getting back home I had another appointment with my psychologist at the gender team. I arrived a little late - I could not quite get into gear yesterday morning and was late leaving home. At least that is what I thought. What actually happened is that I checked the time of the appointment when I was in the UK and my phone decided that as I was in a different time zone that all appointments should also be moved as well so I assumed that everything was one hour earlier than it actually was.
So I ended up doing a new thing for the first time. I ate lunch on my own as Stacy, in a restaurant. I don't like eating on my own at the best of times... So I went in, chose what turned out to be the end of worst table. I chose a table next to an open window to get some fresh air, the problem was that the wind did not blow that much but the sun did make it very hot through the windows that were not open. Thankfully I had a few appointments with a bit of a gap in between so I had a book with me - always a good defence when eating on your own and I spent what was actually a rather nice 1/2 hour eating a nice fresh sandwich.
The appointment itself was very surprising. I had no idea what was going to be discussed this time but... I arrived and my therapist started to talk about the official diagnosis, and we went though the diagnosis questionnaire and her recommendation letter to the gender team. Just like that... And so I have had my last appointment, the other appointments have been cancelled and I will only go back when I start on hormones. I have to wait until 3rd November for the gender team to discuss my case, and have to call back on the 4th to hear the official diagnosis, which will then be sent to my via post as well.
So now I wait. Or rather my therapist at the gender clinic has told me to start planning for the end of the year - when I plan to transition at work. I said I would wait until I got the official diagnosis, but she says that should be a formality.
There is the drained - it was an emotionally tough couple of hours - especially on top of the tiredness.
So that's it, I plan to transition at work the week before Christmas.
And I am terrified...
(Which I think is a good thing!)