Wow, I didn’t realise I had left it this long since my last post... I’d hoped to have finished my travelogue by now, but various things have happened so I have just not had time. So this is going to be a little out of time.
Another therapy session, another trip out as Stacy, the session went well, but there are a couple of things that stood out for me.
He said that the way that I come across, in personality and mannerisms as nothing but female, and even with the issues that anyone not on hormones and not zapped is going to have (facially etc) it’s something that disappears quickly when in conversation and personality makes the other things shrink into the background. That was really nice to hear :)
The other thing good thing was as I was leaving, I had on the outfit I brought with the money from my sister-in-law for my birthday. These include a pair of ankle boots, with a bit of a heel. He asked me to be careful on them, I said that it wasn’t too bad except for maybe my height – about 185cm (ish) in the heels. He looked me up and down and said in Holland it’s not that bad (to be fair I was still shorter than him :)
And lastly… I felt great today on the way to therapy. Not having gone out for a few weeks I was a little nervous again. I managed to forget my handbag so I had to lug my rucksack around instead and I forgot my razor and had to borrow a disposable one from my friend who’s flat I use and hope not to rip my face apart (almost managed it) But after I left his flat, I was on seventh heaven. It just felt great to be me again. Happy, even managed to look some of the other rush hour drivers in the eye instead of trying to hide my head when driving this time. Great end to the day :)
Anyway, my wine glass is empty, and Mrs Stace wants the computer to check something online so I’m stopping here…
Normal service soon, I hope…
I'm really glad you had a good day out!
ReplyDeleteMy only issue is with your therapist. Well, a lot of gender therapists, really. They are such proponents of the gender binary! I mean, what are female personality and mannerisms? Are my butch friends who wouldn't be caught dead in heels and a skirt not female? Sometimes it's like nothing has changed in gender therapy over the last forty years.
Sorry, nothing against stereotypically feminine behaviour. After all, that's largely how I am, and I love it. I just wish gender therapists weren't so conventional.
Wow! As someone else who is stereotypically feminine and loves it, I would love to have heard that from a therapist, but I do know what Veronica is saying and I completely agree with her. Still, it's always nice to have our personality an mannerisms validated.
ReplyDeleteAnkle boots? I would love to have a nice pair of ankle boots, even though I am 187.9cm! They look so good, with a pair of tights or skinny jeans.
Re: Happy, even managed to look some of the other rush hour drivers in the eye instead of trying to hide my head when driving this time. Now there, you see? You are already looking other drivers in the eye! Your confidence is building by leaps and bounds!
A congratulatory hug!
Melissa XX
Vernoica: Hmm feeling I have done my therapist a disservice here ;p
ReplyDeleteHe is certainly not a proponent of the binary - in fact most of the first session was spent talking about the gender spectrum etc.
The discussion was more about it doesn't matter how good or bad you look if you are not natural - at the time we were talking about people who go OTT in order to 'prove' what they are, and how that has a negative effect on passing (and adds to the way that people sterotype transsexual / transgendered people).
As to what are female mannarisms. I couldn't define them, but I would say they are the ones that make my colleagues gossip about whether I am closseted gay and Mrs Stace say that her husband is dissapearing (the second does make me upset for her)...
Melissa: Yes the car journey was great. I wouldn't say I have the complete confidence to look someone in the eye yet, but the fact that I wanted to make myself do it (and did) rather than wanting to just wanting to sink into the car and invisibility is a step forward :)
Stace
Having met you as a bloke I can see where your therapist is coming from, you have the walk. Lucky sod! :)
ReplyDeleteAs you might imagine, I notice ladies of height. I appreciate that the extra boost for someone not used to such tall heels might seem rather a lot, but I'm with your therapist on that one too. I meet many women who stand at that sort of height in their heels. My advice would be this as always, if you've got it, flaunt it!
OK, I understand. I'm glad you are coming off as natural. And more comfortable all the time!
ReplyDeleteStarting out is exciting and nerve wracking but that bit of advice, that you do not need to prove anything to anyone, is important to remeber.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Jenny: Thanks :)
ReplyDeleteI guess the main thing with height is that fact that I have been used to being about the same height as Mrs Stace (1/2 cm shorter actually) for 10 years. If I'm in heels and she isn't I'm suddenly 10cm taller and it seems strange...
Veronica: :) Once out I'm getting more comfortable - just have to lose the nerves before going out now...
Katherine: Thanks, it is a a real lighting moment when stepping out of the front door. Scary, but at the same time great.
Stace