So, I missed last week. (And a few after... This has been a post long in the making!)
You could be forgiven for thinking that I was not doing so well after the appointment with the doctor. Actually it's because for most of last week I was struggling to think straight full stop.
It started on Saturday after I wrote the last post. Half way through breakfast I got a bit of stomach cramp. Nothing too bad, but not something I wanted to go running with. So I figured that if I left it for an hour it would pass. After an hour I was back in bed feeling really not great, and pretty much given up on running...
And there I stayed for most of the day. The problem was that I was supposed to be seeing a colleague perform in the theater that evening. Pfff... And it was a long drive.
By the time I needed to be moving for a shower and getting ready I felt OK. Ish. Got ready, had food and left. The performance was fantastic, but by the time it was over I felt as though I was sitting in a freezer. Rather than waiting for my colleague to emerge from back stage I had to leave whilst I still had some energy.
The drive home was not pleasant. Heated seats on full blast, and the climate control set up to 24 degrees just to keep the chill and shivers at bay.
Got home, shivered my way into bed and stayed there for 48 hours, my temperature stayed at 38.5 for a day longer than that. I'm now nearly at two weeks and still not close to being ready to run (I feel like I have already ran my marathon that I want to do this year!) and my brain is only just really coming back online. Everything has been thinking through syrup for the last week, which when you are code reviewing and not knowing what you are looking at doesn't help your anxiety!.
So, the appointment with the doctor? Actually, doctors. Multiple. Tuesday the hospital was it's normal efficient self. My x-rays were taken with no delay, and inside of 30 minutes I was talking to a doctor about the results. All good I'm pleased to say, I don't need to go back for another year!
My appointment with my GP also went really well. He took me seriously when I said I had issues with anxiety, asked how they felt, and (it felt) like he was trying to see what was going on with me. There was no question about a referral, I was worried about that as, whilst Dutch health care is great, they are trying to save on mental health like most counties. But, thankfully, I got the referral straight away and he then spent some time asking questions about what I wanted from a therapist. I have no idea, except for someone that I have a good click with so that I can be open and comfortable.
He had someone in mind that he thought would be a good fit for me and I was one my way. Afterwards I made the call to the therapist and I have an appointment for in a couple of weeks now (this post has been three weeks in the making).
Which can't come soon enough. Whilst I am stressed about how the appointment is going to go, my anxiety is sky rocketing right now. I don't know why, maybe because I know that I am going to start the process of trying to get better... What I do know is that I'm now on regular doses of valerian, something that my doctor said was a good idea. Not the full dose, but as needed.
But, don't worry about me, I'll get there. I'm struggling, but I am still working through - and hopefully about to get the help I need.