Thursday, 29 July 2010

Parental differences...

I had a lovely long chat with my parents again last night.  Well lovely until nearing the end anyway, but more on that later.  I'd planned on giving them a call to say hi and had figured we'd be on the phone for an hour or so - but turned into nearly two in the end, meaning I'm a little tired this morning...

I started with my mum, we talked about how I've been this week (weepy for some reason).  She put it on the stress of Fridays outing.  I'm not so sure. We talked about the therapy session and what not and I started to notice that we deffinately have a changing relationship.  More open for one thing, I can't imagine talking to her so openly 12 months ago.  We also have a lot more of a girly chat when on the phone. Making each other laugh, we do talk about make-up and clothes.  She calls me nasty names for being able to wear heels, where as she can't anymore.  And she said something that I was not expecting, but was such a wonderful thing to hear.

She commented again that I was much more relaxed during the last vacation (I was not pretending to be anything exceot me - I didn't get dressed, but neither did watch the mannarisms etc over the week to make sure I was acting as expected - which is what I normally do), and that the difference in me as a person was instantly visible.  Over the new year when I told her she said whilst she would support me always, she thought my TG'ness (for want of a better phrase) was more dressing, and that she didn't really see the Stacy in me.  She's now changed that around and said that when relaxed it's obvious, and that when she looks at me now she can see the feminine in me, including facial features.  She also thinks I'll make a prettier woman than a handsome man (not sure about the last one, but it was nice to hear anyway - not that I think I'm handsome either...).

Anyway, we were chatting for 45 mins or so and then my dad came on the line.  We didn't speak about 'it' at all, but spent 40 minutes discussing the fact that my airco has died in the car, the cost of oil services on modern cars, fuel economy, power and torque and the interviews I spent nearly all day doing for developers, and what you would trust an apprentice just out of college with in a garage (neat way to get across my point with a couple of the applicants).  In the background I could my mum telling him to stop talking cars, no chance :)

Then when he was about to go my mum said she wanted another word.  First she said that she wanted to make sure that there was nothing I could not discuss with her, she has experience of the possible future from her time at Leicester General, and that there was nothing that I could say that would shock her.  I pointed out that I think I past that point on New Years Eve, she laughed.

Then she got all serious, and nearly had us both in tears.  My parents adore my wife, apparently something that terrifies them at the moment is that if we divorce (they think we will) that they will lose contact with someone they love.  I don't suppose there is much I can do or say there, apart from hope that it doesn't come to that of course...

I'm sure we finished on a high note, but for the life of me can't remember what...  The bit about them losing their daughter in law stuck in my mind somewhat.

Oh, and finally...  I have a nice appointment next week with a friend that knows.  We are going to be discussing implementing TFS 2010 at his current employers, and his wife who is a hairdresser is going to be me some advice about cuts that I can style easily in two ways :)


  1. It's so wonderful that you can speak so openly with your parents, especially your mother. I'm pretty sure I will never have that, and I'm envious. Heck, I can't even get that from my sisters.

    I'm so glad that things are going well for you!

  2. You are very fortunate to be blessed with such a sweet loving and accepting mother.

    Melissa XX

  3. I can't beleive how much she has accepted. I know that she is still trying to come to terms with it - but the way that she is treating me is fantastic. I guess that's why I can now be so open with her.

    I was just thinking of the way that when talking to my dad, who is also very supportive, we went back into car discussions, as normal. When speaking to my mum he was audiable in the background giving his agreement :)


  4. Good stuff indeed. Your mum & dad sound very cool.

    I think I understand what they mean about Mrs Stace. Could a marriage survive it? Possibly, but it's not any of my business that's for sure :) If you don't stay husband and wife, with the support she seems to be giving you, maybe you're mum & dad won't lose her, as you'll remain friends.

  5. Your mum sounds wonderful. I know what you mean in your relationship changing. Mine has also changed with my mother and sisters and we talk in a much different way than we did before. I wish though they were accepting as your mother even though they say they will support me in whatever choices I want to make. When I relax and try to start talking girly stuff they react by sounding uncomfortable and concerned. They seem to treat me as though I am 'ill' rather than just getting on with my life.

    Rachel XXX

  6. My parents are great, as I said so much better than I was expecting. Mym mum simply says 'you're my child, full stop' (and then I get my dad yelling in agreement so I can hear him over the phone).

    My mum made me laugh actually. She got quite protective when I said I was worried about what their response will be when then find out. She said that if anyone did anything bad to me she'd be here immediately to deal with it. Leicester diplomacy at it's best... And I have a good idea they would be as well, I guess they feel you're never to old to have that type of support...

    And she keeps on saying how nice it was the last time we were there because I was relaxed for once. I really can't wait for them to come over here again.

    As for Mrs Stace - I think you're right Lynn. Should the worst happen I think we'll remain friends. As to whether that will happen or not, I still don't know. And neither does she. Only time will tell I guess.


  7. Hi Stace,
    It is wonderful to see the relationship change. It is kind of subtle at first and then all of a sudden you relaise how different it is.
    My Dad has taken a bit longer to adapt although still very supportive.
    He is still working on how he should be with me and we have a mix of son / daughter relationship.
    Like your parents mine adore my wife to.
    We never know quite how things will turn out but you are certainly off to a good start together and many others have proven that marriages can survive.
    Keep comunicating and be honest and open together.
    Good luck.

    BTW My parents live quite close to the General Hospital. Maybe we were neighbours at some point!

  8. I wonder how it will change with my dad over time... I can't imagne that we'll ever lose the car chat at least...

    All I can do at the moment for Mrs Stace is support her in any way that I can, and give her all the time she needs. I honestly have no idea how it's going to turn out, but really hope that even if the worst happens that we really can remain friends.

    You're from the same side of Leicester that I am then... If you're from the Leicester General area then I guess that would put you in one of the rival schools mine (I'm from the other side of the Uppingham Road to you) :)