This is a bit of an emotional post, it may ramble. Sorry.
Something happened this week that has made me realise I have been answering questions a little wrong over the course of my transition.
The little guy is fine (actually, more than fine - he is wonderful :D )
And there is nothing to worry about, so please don't get too concerned.
Something happened yesterday at work that has totally thrown me. Totally. Nothing to do with the transition (I hope), but something that has made me really start to question things.
This caused me a huge amount of stress, and a few tears and a lot of anger. Not things that I am wonderful at boxing in.
I was shattered yesterday from it all,, and could barely stay awake before going to bed.
In bed was a different thing, I couldn't sleep, yoga breathing techniques were doing nothing to help and I was just in free fall.
And then I bit my finger very hard.
And then I started to think if that is a normal thing.
It's not really is it?
This morning I have done some searching and it does seem to be classed as self-harming. Which is something that I have always said I didn't do. Turns out I did - I have often done this to my arm and fingers before starting the transition as a way of coping.
Not that I wanted to punish myself, or that I felt I deserve pain, but more because it just took my mind off of everything else.
I only really thought about it last night when I did it and realised that I had not done it in years.
I'm expecting a call from my boss today (he called earlier, but I was changing the little guy and so couldn't answer the phone). We'll see what he says...
Update: had the call, made things worse :(