Friday, 8 July 2011

A day later, a slightly different world

(Apologies to Jenny - this is basically an expanded version of the mail I sent to you yesterday...)

As I posted yesterday I met with my boss, my ex-boss and the woman from HR.  It was something that scared me immensely - almost as much as telling family in fact.  I guess that having an income and a job I really enjoy is also really important...

I spent most of the day wanting to be sick and struggling to concentrate on my work (and either the cold is making a comeback or the stress has started to really get into my throat).  The throat is still there, and I am shattered - whether it is as a result of the stress or an actual cold I am not sure...

I got changed after work, something that took more time than normal - as it was hot and I was stressed things did not go quite as they should.  But after spending too long, and using too much hair spray, my hair was something approaching what it should be.  I know I sound really vain, but having good hair and make-up gives such a massive boost to my confidence still. I wonder when I won't need it as much and I can be up and out in a similar time to Mrs Stace in the mornings (she takes less time than me as him, let alone Stacy and still looks amazing!)

Then when I left I found out that there was a vehicle fire on the motorway and I needed to take a back road detour - what can I say thank god for a friend who pointed me in the right direction to start with and the SatNav which took me the rest of the way.

I got there, went inside and got the table that I had reserved and sat to wait - I have to say it was so great to walk into a place and say 'Hi, I have a table reserved for four people, in the name of Stacy'; and to get no strange looks at the same time it was a bit of icing on the cake.  It wasn't long before my ex boss turned up, he is on vacation today (he leaves for Italy tomorrow) but wanted to come to the meeting as well, after all he has been involved in this now for nearly 18 months.

He commented that it was a little strange in that we have known each other for more than 5 years and it was still me, but it was also meeting me for the first time.  We got chatting about various things when the HR woman turned up.  "You look so different than the image I have in my head, and I mean that in the best possible way!"  I'll take that as a compliment.  I know that she was concerned about meeting me, I had kind of assumed that was going to be part of the problem - the other being that there was no agenda or real aim for the meeting besides introducing Stacy to them.  She did say that she knew I had told her that I was not a drag queen, but a more out there image was still making its way into her head.  I won't blame her for that.

My current boss was late, something last minute happened in the office so he was a few mins late leaving.  He got there, and basically said the same as the HR woman.

We discussed plans for the new year (the point that I expect to transition) and where we expected the problems to come from.  We are an open company, and I think that it will not be a problem per say, but you never know.

As my boss said, the company is responsible for my well-being in the office and obviously they will make sure that I do not suffer any crap from anyone (not his wording, but close enough).  His concern is from people within my team - where the same rule applies obviously - should someone not take kindly to it and refuse to be led by me.  They will be told in no uncertain terms should that happen - but it's not good for my standing as team lead for someone to have to step in.  Hopefully it will not come to that.

At this point I got a wonderful compliment from the HR woman.  In the week between the company being told and me returning to work there are likely to be many discussions (obviously) but seeing as how I look she doesn’t expect any the moment I return to work.  That was very nice to hear, from both view points.

We discussed how to let the full management team know, and how we should tackle it.  Whether to tell them a day before it goes public - or whether to tell them before hand.  Or tell them with the rest of the company.  I think that I am going to take this up with my therapist as I really am not sure.  I do not expect any issues from them though.

The HR woman also asked who did my hair and make up now.  I said that I did everything myself (except cutting it obviously) - 'Wow, oh well done - you do a great job!'  I think I may have been smiling at that point.

After that it was more a discussion about this that and the other.  All in all a nice couple of hours spent in what would be the equivalent of an beer garden in England overlooking the Dutch countryside.

On the way home I was stuck in the traffic jam caused by the lorry fire earlier in the day - it had completely burnt out and damaged the asphalt, so they had to close down most of the motorway and it caused a 8km 1 hour traffic jam.  Whilst I was stuck I called my parents and had a quick chat.  My mum was happy with how everything went and asked me an interesting question.  Given what everyone who has met Stacy has said, at what point am I going to believe it and stop stressing before going out???


  1. Wow! A dream come true! I'm so glad this worked out for you, girl. Now, go out and lose some of that built up stress!

  2. A glimpse of the freedom to come! Isn't it great outside the prison? So happy for you.

  3. Pleased it wart well for you :)

  4. I thought I had posted a comment several entries back but it never showed up. Oh well. Hopefully this one will. Glad to hear your meeting with honchos went well! You definitely should believe it more yourself!


    Like I said in my previous comment, you were going to do very well indeed. I have prayed very hard for you, and the Lord has seen fit to bless you.

    Now shake off that stress and start living like you were intended to.

    Many more Blessings, Prayers, and Hugs,

    Cynthia XOXO

  6. Calie: I think that with birthday shopping today (garden furniture for my birthday from Mrs Stace so I can stop being a couch potato behind the TV / Xbox and be a garden couch potato behind a book instead) should start to help. Hopefully my head will have cleared later today and I can pound the pavement around the lake as well...

    Caroline: Thanks, It is great outside the prison - and seeing peoples reaction to Stacy is (so far) always a nice experience - of course the time leading up to it is not quite so great...

    Ariel: Cheers! I'm getting there with the belief part - I just want to know at what stage I am stop thinking 'Wow, that went well' when out and about and just be me... Getting there, but still only getting there :)

    Cynthia: I'm starting to - I would say that these days I am living about 50% of my time as Stacy. It's nice that it has got to the point where it's not something where I have the 'Oh my god, I'm out as Stacy' and more normal, day to day life. Except for the debriefing in my head afterwards :)


  7. I am sure there will be other challenges in future but good that this one went without incident.


  8. I have no doubt, things have gone far to well so far.

    One one hand I ham hoping that is due to the time spent in the last year in therapy and talking with Mrs Stace, on the other hand I am one of those people who worries when things are going too well that something has to go wrong (I worry about having nothing to worry about :))


  9. I worried about all the friends we would loose. Still wondering when that might start!

    The mind games are one of the hardest things to deal with up to the point when you realise what a time wasting torment they were and just get on with it.

  10. Oddly enough this is not my greatest concern any more. Those that mean the most know - how some of them are going to react to seeing Stacy is something I still have to see; but they know and are are still talking to me.

    What I worry about now more than anything is Mrs Stace getting trouble, or me struggling to do my job because someone wants to cause problems for me...