Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Validation and ****ing Modesty

Things have setted down since last weeks stress filled days, thankfully!  I have had many walks with the ICT manager, and his boss the Finance Director and we have something that we can work with.  Time will tell if it's lip service or something that is really going to make a difference, but we'll see.

But... I've had enough good going on outside of work, so I think I'll do some a little catch up post.

I had my hair cut last week, so I got changed at my friends flat, and went to another friends (and ex colleagues) to make food.  When ever we meet up I get fed, his wife refuses to let me pay for her cutting my hair and they have helped me tremendously.  So I though I would pay them back by cooking them food for a change.  Nothing spectacular, just a simple spinach, pesto and cream cheese pasta.

the food went down OK, I had a nice chat with his wife and mother in law; his mother in law agrees with my dad about the length of my skirt - saying just above the knee is too short for a 30 something, but making pains to point out that you shouldn't change what you wear because of someone else's opinion.  But she disagrees with my mum that at 178 I should avoid heels, saying I looked very natural in them - and this being Holland was not overly tall.  I also got a compliment on my legs :)

We went for a drink, and I was completely relaxed in the cafe again, no feeling nauseous this time - just a nice relaxing drink.

The next day was therapy.  So again it was get changed after work and then drive to Amsterdam.  I met a couple of my colleagues neighbours on the way out with nothing more than a cheery hello.  Outside whilst putting the rucksack with my other clothes into the boot so that they would be out of sight when the car was parked a woman came past walking a bike.  We exchanged hello and then she commented on my shoes - I was in opaque tights and black shoes, with wooden looking heels.  She said at first glance she thought I was just walking on the wood as the shoes blend in so well - and how great they looked.  I was flabbergasted! Not only did my Dutch not let me down in my stress, but it was just a great conversation.  I was quite happy driving to my therapists that day :)

We discussed this in therapy, and also the visit to the VU, and how much it relaxed me.  He asked how I got on with the therapist at the VU.  I think that we got on great, there was a click and we had a great conversation during the appointment.  When asking how I had told people I talked of when I told my friend - the first person I told.  The pictures on the screen in the pub of a couple of guys in drag during a party and me saying 'They need to learn how to wear those' and then later following it up with 'I said that as I do'.  At which point the psychologist said 'Yes, I saw that immediately, you certainly do know how to wear one well'

So I said to my therapist (it gets very confusing when you have more than one...) I think that was a compliment.  Probably...  Maybe... Do you think?  At which point he said is a faux cross voice 'Will you stop being so English, so ****ing modest!  Of course it was a compliment - you need to start taking them as such!'

So maybe I need to start...

And lastly, though not deliberately...  A colleague brought some goodies into the office to celebrate his sons birth on Tuesday.  He did something out of the Dutch ordinary, rather than bringing Beschuit met muisjes' with him he brought lots of interesting things with a dollop of chocolate and muisjes in the chocolate (I suggest Googling that, as it's easier than me explaining ;p).  A couple of the guys complained, I commented that at least it meant we got chocolate.  Our web master (who makes lots of such comments, I wonder if he either knows or has an idea...) commented 'That's just another female trait that you have!' (or words to that effect).

I didn't complain :)


  1. Glad you're learning not to be so ****ing modest. :)

    I'm 57. Most dresses I own are what used to be called cocktail length -- just above the knee. Most of my skirts run about the same length. Some dresses and skirts are slightly, but only slightly, longer. I even have dresses that are quite a bit shorter, for the right occasion.

    Hey, if you've got the legs, go for it! I do. And get compliments for it.

    As for heels, embrace your height! I'm 176 cm, and for the right occasion I'll happily go with four-inch heels. And again, get compliments. Models are often taller than either of us.

  2. Considering that the average male between 25 and 34 in the Netherlands is 6' 1/2", and the average female of the same age is 5' 6 1/2" (, I say you are well within female range. Go ahead and wear your heels if they make you feel good about your appearance. As for the skirt length, age has nothing to do with it. If it looks good on you, then go for it! The last thing you want to do is look matronly.

    Melissa XX

  3. Ariel: I'm trying...

    As for the skirt... The one I was wearing was the shortest that I have. I would not wear it without opaque tights underneath :) It's a bit of an optical illusion though - as my friends mother in law commented the other skirt that she has seen me in was of a better length (and I would wear that it normal hazel coloured tights). Except... I've measured them and there is only 1 or 2cm's difference in length...

    I imagine that if I was in the UK I would feel a little self concious about my height - but in Holland it's really a non issue - and you are totally right about the models :)

    Melissa: I had no idea that the average height in Holland was so short! I feel much shorter when I a in a crowded shopping centre :)

    As for the skirts - I think I have a good idea what I can get away with, and as long as I feel comfortable I'm happy... I'm not sure I would go any shorter than I currently have though...