I've had a hectic year, we bought a new house, sold our old one.
I'm still recovering from my op last year, which has not been helped by moving home. Painting every wall in a house, and starting to clear the garden has not been kind. I have lost a lot of movement in my thumb, and I'm worried that I may have done permanent damage. I have an appointment coming up so they can check then. I'm actually really pleased that I do - if I hadn't then I would have had to request one...
Of course there are always the bits that you wish would go better.
My anxiety has been through the roof for a couple of years now, and shows no sign of abetting. I'm trying to push myself to do more thing to help it, but it seems that isn't having a good effect. I would, or rather should, be going to the doctors to try and get a referral to a psychologist - but the thought of doing that just skyrockets my anxiety even further. Catch 22...
Also, and the reason why I am writing this post, I need to quit Facebook. I'm getting sick and tired of the transphobic posts that I see coming through, from people I thought were friends. It's not even that they don't realise that they are posting transphobic things. They just think that transphobia doesn't exist and that we are just playing the victim.
What is harder is that some of these posts are from supposed life coaches, people who have their own issues due to their sexuality - who in the same post complain about being belittled due to their orientation, complaining that people don't even think that they exist, and in the next sentence call trans women entitled people who just feel that the world owes them sex.
I was so close to answering that, but have decided that getting into a Facebook argument with someone like that isn't worth my time or effort. But I needed to write something. So this post. Sorry.
My only issue is that there are people that I know from blogs in the past who I now only have contact with via Facebook. I don't want to lose that contact, and yet just want rid of Facebook...
I'm doing a short test. Facebook has been hidden on my phone so that I don't see it (I can't uninstall it unfortunately), it's been removed from my startup pages in Chrome so that I don't see it when I open a browser.
I'm not using it for the rest of this week. I'm going to see how I feel at the end and then I'll make a decision about what to do.
But what I am going to (try) to do is get back to posting here. Once a week, or once a fortnight. I am going to try and make some time for myself to spend 30 minutes locked away from the family and get some typing done. Hopefully it will be as cathartic as it used to be.
I hope not to mope, life is pretty good - I am in a pretty great place - physically and mentally, and I want my posts to reflect that.
I also want to split my previous FB time between two things:
- Catch up on blogs that I have missed recently due to no time.
- Catch up on tech blogs to see what I have missed in the tech world whilst watching FB for inanities.
Let's see how well it goes :)
Facebook is one of those places that is great because it allows you to keep in contact with friends and family easily. Its also somewhere that allows us to come into contact with things that offend us.
ReplyDeleteOne of the places that comes up on my feed is PinkNews. Recently I've clicked through to articles and started reading the comments. I usually come away from doing that realising that even people that you would think understand some of the issues trans folk have to deal with, can dislike and hate us just as much as some of the ones that make no effort to hide the fact that they wish we didn't exist or hid ourselves away from the world.
Pink News itself I generally find quite OK for reading, the comments can be mind numbing...
DeleteThe exchange that put me off was someone posting a link to a you tube video made by terfs about why they wouldn't sleep with trans women. I didn't watch it, I'm not that much of a masochist...
But... The two guys involved were talking about how spoiled and over privileged trans women are, and how we think that the world owes us sex. And then in the same post were complaining that the same people in the video (and others outside) refused to accept that someone is bi and how unfair it is, and how people should let bi people be who they are.
And none of it in irony.
I was livid as I thought this person was a friend, we have had deep conversations in the past about my past. About the crap I have been through, and about how lucky I am that the amount is far less than it could have been. I was like a kick in the gut.
So, apart from wishing someone condolences on losing their mum, I have not been back. Do I miss it? Not really. I have removed it from easy access to remove temptation, and (apart from now, when I really want to check) I have not really been close to checking.
But I miss the updates from people who I got to know via their blogs, and when they stopped blogging and moved to Facebook I followed. But I can't really remove everyone else and just be connected to those people again. That is causing me stress...
Anyway, this is about as long as a post now so I'll stop here :)
Stace
I'm very low-key on Facebook but quite visible on Twitter. But my Twitter has morphed into more of a hardware hacker community one than a trans one, as you know.
ReplyDeleteI understand where you are at with social media, from time to time I have needed to step back. And it has helped, a lot.
As to LG people having a pop at us, yes. Difficult to understand. Fortunately they are only a minority. I have had huge support from my gay friends.
I need to blog more too. Difficult time of late, plus my writing-fu gets used up doing it for a living. Can Do Better.
I must admit, I had missed you on Facebook! Not on Twitter though, I'm pleased to say :)
DeleteStepping back had helped a lot. As long as it's helping I am going to stay stepped back :)
Good luck with the writing mojo - I see that since you wrote this you have posted :) Great to see!
Speak soon,
Stace
Sorry to hear about your anxiety issues. That's really no fun at all. I know it's tough going to the quack and all. Thing is, would you be where you are now if you'd not taken that first step ask those months ago? Yes, it's daunting, and, yes, it may feel terrible at the time. I suppose you're expecting a 'but'? Nope, it's yes you can do this. You're an amazing lady and doing things many only dream of.
ReplyDeleteI hope the cutting back on Facebook helps. I think social media is a strange beast. On one hand it helps us keep in touch with friends and family. Yet, on the other, some of the (frankly) crap people post doesn't help. Walking away from it sounds like a great idea.
L x
Good point, well made :) If I hadn't been pushed by Mrs Stace all that time ago to make the call to the doctor then I don't know where I would be right now. Certainly not as relaxed as I am... I will make the call, I'm just trying to figure out how.
DeleteAs for the Facebook purge... Yup, it has worked quite well so far. I'm more chilled that I was, but I am missing the people that I only see there. I am going to have to figure out some kind of middle ground there...
Groetjes,
Stace
I've suffered from anxiety attacks as well, so you have my deepest sympathies, Stace. I do encourage you to see a therapist about them. It helped me a great deal, and I think you'll benefit as well.
ReplyDeleteI owe you a reply to your previous email message, and I promise it's forthcoming (honest!). lol It's been quite busy here as well, but things should settle down a bit in the next few weeks. In the meantime, take care of yourself, and listen to lots of music. :D Speaking of which, it looks as if we'll be getting a new album from our pals in Muse this year - woo hoo! Cannot wait...
Hugs & love,
Cass
I type this as a respite from the attack that I am currently experiencing... I don't know what it is, but at the moment I am terrified that someone is going to talk to me. I walked down to the coffee bar to get a cappuccino, and there were a few people there who I know, get on with, and yet I was frozen with fear. Thankful when the drink came that I could just get out of there and back to safety behind my monitors. I've taken some herbal pills and hopefully they are going to have to desired effect...
DeleteI can't wait for the new Muse album, hopefully that will also mean a new tour! I keep seeing on Twitter that they are in the studio, and as far as I am aware they are planning on releasing some songs as they are finished so we don't have to wait for the whole album. Fingers crossed!
Groetjes,
Stace