Well after a very odd week (up and down like a rollercoaster) and a depressed post a couple of days ago it definately ended on a high.
After weeks of lathargicness, and inability to exercise (when I tried I did half of what I normally did and ended up so exhausted I couldn't even get off of the sofa to get a drink for 30 mins) I finally got back into the swing last weekend.
Saturday I skated for the first time (no snow!) and managed 6km's, sunday I went running and also managed 6km's. Not the quickest I've ever done the 6KM's in question - but a good start. And I managed to join in the office running training group for the first time this year (I missed the first 4 due to a mixture of illness and appointments).
Hopefully today I'll get a chance to go skating again - I have to say I do prefer it to running...
And the high?
I called my parents last night (I have odered them a Wii and Wii Fit Plus from amazon and the first half arrived last night). We chatted about the Wii and general stuff, and then got on to the subject of me (god that sounds self obsessed...). I wanted to know if they had decided to speak to anyone. Turns out my mum has, but my dad doesn't have anyone just yet.
Mum told her best friend, she picked this friend as they have a good relationship and she is married to someone with a gay son. Her friend took it well, and they have had a good talk. Mum says that once she told her she felt like a weight had been lifted (sound familiar anyone?) so it's really done her good. Her friend said that she wouldn't tell her husband, but mum said no, please do - "his dad needs someone to talk to as well, and it would be nice if we could all talk about this together if needed".
She's been to her doctor who is going to try and get hold of the books that doctors use for dealing with transgendered people, and try to find a professional for them to speak to. The problem I have here is that they may have to pay, which they have said they will do. But they are not the highest paid people and I feel really guilty at them having to pay out because of me. I would offer to pay for them, but if the worst happends between Mrs Stace and I then I do not know *if* I can afford to do that for them as I'll have some quite big bills coming.
I found out that she has also told her boss - she was having some bad days at work - who has apparently also been fine about it, and offered help if and when mum needs it.
And someone who she will never tell: another one of her good friends. Whilst at work the son a a resident (she works in a care home) who is gay was helping his dad into a chair in the sun and she made a comment. Not in itself homophobic, but said in a way that made mum decide that she wouldn't know. It's a shame she has that attitude about people who are different as it is another clsoe friend of mum who keep son offering help as she can see something is bothering her.
Then I got on to two people who I feel I have to tell (why does you brain do this to you, who do you have the *need* to tell people?).
The first is my brother. I said I would never tell him, but I feel that it is just not on. He is the only close family member that does not know - and I feel that it not fair on him. I would not want to find out at some point in the future that everybody knew except for me, and I can't do that to him. I have no idea how he is going to take it, and I have to wait as well as I am not going to do it over the phone and I do not know when I am going to see him again.
And the other is my boss. I just can't keep on doing the cloak and dagger discussions when we discuss how I am doing. He'll be fine with it I'm sure. Whilst running we had a great conversatioin about Dutch politics. (The Dutch goverment fell a week ago). He said that he always voted liberal 'because it's always better that someone is who they, than they struggle to fit into someones arbitary stereotype that has been imposed on them'. That was very nice to hear as you can imagine.
We discussed how to tell both of them (I am so relieved that I can discuss this with my parents). Bascically with my brother I just have to tell him face to face. Either he is going to take it well, or he is going to flip and walk off.
My boss... We think that asking him to go for a drink after work one day and telling him outside of the office envronment is likely to be the best idea. I'm going to speak to him on Monday I think.
By this point their food had been ruined (more guilt for me that mum said don't be daft - they'd never hang up on me when discussing something like this) and they had to get ready for a long trip they are probably on as I write this (my brother has given them a car from his lot at cost and is driving to Glasgow to swap it with mums current car) so I had a quick chat with dad and we called it a night - I'm going to call them on Sunday and set up a web chat so I can help them put thier Wii on the TV.
And the Promise of the title?
Half way through the talk mum said their was one thing she was scared of (I thought she was going to say if you decide to transition). What she was worried about was 'If you decide to transition that you start to dress outragously' She is worried that I am going to go all out OTT and end up a media interpretation of a transsexual. So I told her what my style is (I'm Smart Casual in bloke mode and Smart Casual in Stacy mode. The style doesn't change, just the clothes. She asked what smart casual was so I told her my favorite outfit (My new heels - 2 1/2 inch stilettos, not too high, skin or black tights, a beige canvas above the knee skirt and a black top). Basically what a 33 year old woman could wear to the office. That pleased both of us. Her knowing what my style is, and me discussing an outfit for Stacy with my mum.
Well I think I've waffled long enough her... Have a good weekend all!
Saturday, 27 February 2010
Wednesday, 24 February 2010
Who are you looking at
Another entry inspired by a post I've read this week. This time it was Loris post 'No Day But Today'.
Or more specifically the first sentence of the thirs paragraph:
As far as I'm concerned, though, looking back in the mirror I'm seeing more and more of who that person was always meant to be. It may sound incredibly narcissistic, but I'm learning to love myself more than I ever have
She is talking about recovering from a precedure she has had recently (click the link for more info - I can't do it justice here).
It spoke to me though as she says she is seeing more and more of who she was meant to be.
I have always been obessed by mirrors, and have a reputation for being vain (I am - never leave home overnight without a salon style hair dryer and a couple of cans of mousse, pray there is a mirror where I am going). But where most people go wrong is associating that vanity with assuming that I think I look good. I don't, quite the opposite in fact.
I hate seeing myself in a mirror, and yet am also irresistably drawn to it. The reason is that I have no connection with the reflection. I know that it's me. I've been looking at it for three decades. But I still have the feeling I had when I was younger whilst I do my hair in the morning. 'Is that really me, it can't be'. If I'm in a particularly bad place when doing the thinking I can stare at the reflections for minutes.
I guess that comes down to my bad body image in general... I'm at the higher end of the healthy scale at the moment (BMI of between 23 and 24) so I feel I have to try and lose weight. But back before I had a driving license and I cycled everywhere I was 5'10" and 8 1/2 stone (178 and 55KG), fitted size 8 clothes and still *knew* I had to do something to *get* thin again. I annoy my wife and sister in law with this to this day thought I am 20kgs heavier :(.
Thankfully my will power has always been my weak point, and I like food (don't worry I do not have an eating disorder).
Oodly enough I know that it's unhealthy and I can't do a thing about it...
Or more specifically the first sentence of the thirs paragraph:
As far as I'm concerned, though, looking back in the mirror I'm seeing more and more of who that person was always meant to be. It may sound incredibly narcissistic, but I'm learning to love myself more than I ever have
She is talking about recovering from a precedure she has had recently (click the link for more info - I can't do it justice here).
It spoke to me though as she says she is seeing more and more of who she was meant to be.
I have always been obessed by mirrors, and have a reputation for being vain (I am - never leave home overnight without a salon style hair dryer and a couple of cans of mousse, pray there is a mirror where I am going). But where most people go wrong is associating that vanity with assuming that I think I look good. I don't, quite the opposite in fact.
I hate seeing myself in a mirror, and yet am also irresistably drawn to it. The reason is that I have no connection with the reflection. I know that it's me. I've been looking at it for three decades. But I still have the feeling I had when I was younger whilst I do my hair in the morning. 'Is that really me, it can't be'. If I'm in a particularly bad place when doing the thinking I can stare at the reflections for minutes.
I guess that comes down to my bad body image in general... I'm at the higher end of the healthy scale at the moment (BMI of between 23 and 24) so I feel I have to try and lose weight. But back before I had a driving license and I cycled everywhere I was 5'10" and 8 1/2 stone (178 and 55KG), fitted size 8 clothes and still *knew* I had to do something to *get* thin again. I annoy my wife and sister in law with this to this day thought I am 20kgs heavier :(.
Thankfully my will power has always been my weak point, and I like food (don't worry I do not have an eating disorder).
Oodly enough I know that it's unhealthy and I can't do a thing about it...
Ow, pain
Busy morning today. I had an appointment with the oral hygienist this morning so started working from home at 6:30. We have a new mini project coming up and an inistal estimate was required. I hate doing those. If you have a 2 month project for 2 or more people then you can be out by a couple of days, or hit slight issues and you still come out around on time.
If you have a project which is going to take one person 2 weeks then 1 day extra already equals a 10% overrun. Hohum. It's nice to know that I was doing the erstimate knowing who was going to do the coding, only to find out yesterday after my chat with my boss that it's all change. I have no idea if the estimate is sufficient now... We'll find out in a couple of weeks I guess.
This afternoon I have to get back to trying to complete a project that was semi completed by a colleague before he went on vacation. He owes me alcholhol when he gets back - it's terrible... (Technically brilliant, but coding practices are largely non existent and I've had to rewrite 60% of it so far to get it working in a manner that I don't mind my name being attached to too much...)
And the hygienist... Ow. I spent most of the time trying to medidate using breathing as the electric shocks from where she was scraping my teeth were flying down my body. And she found two possible holes so I now have to make a semi emergency appointment to get the dentist to check, and if need be filled. And a car full of special dental care products to try and stop the ceiling climbing next time. And a 130 pound hole in the bank balance for the pleasure.
Oh well only 3 and a bit hours and I can hit the road again... I was supposed to be skating tonight, but seeing as my foot / anckle has not stopped hurting (well that's not true not using it and - weirdly - wearing my stilletos stop the pain but neither is really doable at work or whilst skating) since I ran 6kms on Sunday I may just go for a cycle instead.
If you have a project which is going to take one person 2 weeks then 1 day extra already equals a 10% overrun. Hohum. It's nice to know that I was doing the erstimate knowing who was going to do the coding, only to find out yesterday after my chat with my boss that it's all change. I have no idea if the estimate is sufficient now... We'll find out in a couple of weeks I guess.
This afternoon I have to get back to trying to complete a project that was semi completed by a colleague before he went on vacation. He owes me alcholhol when he gets back - it's terrible... (Technically brilliant, but coding practices are largely non existent and I've had to rewrite 60% of it so far to get it working in a manner that I don't mind my name being attached to too much...)
And the hygienist... Ow. I spent most of the time trying to medidate using breathing as the electric shocks from where she was scraping my teeth were flying down my body. And she found two possible holes so I now have to make a semi emergency appointment to get the dentist to check, and if need be filled. And a car full of special dental care products to try and stop the ceiling climbing next time. And a 130 pound hole in the bank balance for the pleasure.
Oh well only 3 and a bit hours and I can hit the road again... I was supposed to be skating tonight, but seeing as my foot / anckle has not stopped hurting (well that's not true not using it and - weirdly - wearing my stilletos stop the pain but neither is really doable at work or whilst skating) since I ran 6kms on Sunday I may just go for a cycle instead.
Saturday, 20 February 2010
Bing and a light goes on...
One of the benefits of waking up early at the weekends (one of not many) is that I have some peice and quiet, and can somethimes even think.
And bing went the bulb in my head... What I wanted to post this week were some of the shots I got of the Ice Curtains in Ross-shire from my visit over the holidays.
Basically due to the nature of the stone in the mountains water seeps through all year making for wet cliff faces. When it gets very cold this water freezes into vertical curtains of ice. It looks spectacular. Unfortunately white ice, with a white snow background and a white cloudy sky made it difficult photography so I don't have as many shots as I would have liked :)
This is the view from my parents house over the Cromarty Firth towards the black isle - taken approaching sunset. This may get used on the Christmas cards I send next year...
And lastly my ride sitting on a foot or so of snow in the lay by. So pleased the car has AWD and that I brought the winter tyres otherwise I don't think I would have been able to drive from the road onto the parking place to get the shots :)
Oh... One last thing. This makes my 50th post. A milestone I did not really expect to make when I started this blog. I've met (virtually) met many new people since doing this, and it has most definately improved my life. Thanks to all for reading - 1 follower is more than I was expecting, 18 (and thanks to Calie a peer award!) is so much more!
Stace
And bing went the bulb in my head... What I wanted to post this week were some of the shots I got of the Ice Curtains in Ross-shire from my visit over the holidays.
Basically due to the nature of the stone in the mountains water seeps through all year making for wet cliff faces. When it gets very cold this water freezes into vertical curtains of ice. It looks spectacular. Unfortunately white ice, with a white snow background and a white cloudy sky made it difficult photography so I don't have as many shots as I would have liked :)
This is the view from my parents house over the Cromarty Firth towards the black isle - taken approaching sunset. This may get used on the Christmas cards I send next year...
And lastly my ride sitting on a foot or so of snow in the lay by. So pleased the car has AWD and that I brought the winter tyres otherwise I don't think I would have been able to drive from the road onto the parking place to get the shots :)
Oh... One last thing. This makes my 50th post. A milestone I did not really expect to make when I started this blog. I've met (virtually) met many new people since doing this, and it has most definately improved my life. Thanks to all for reading - 1 follower is more than I was expecting, 18 (and thanks to Calie a peer award!) is so much more!
Stace
Friday, 19 February 2010
Where is my muse?
After a week of having lots of idea's for this weeks posting here I am on a Friday lunchtime, with the office to myself and my thoughts. And they seem to have abandoned me at the moment - taking with them all vestiges of medium term memory over the postings.
I can't wait to finally get rid of the cold that has been haunting me for the last two weeks now. It's causing me pain, and lots of ikky stuff besides, and is making thinking harder than after drinking a bottle or two of cheap plonk.
The only thing I can remember wanting to do a posting about is a website made by a Dutch guy called pleaserobme.com. Basicalled if you link 4Square and Twitter you have the makings of a home security problem. The problem is that the more I looked into it, the more I am not sure how much of a problem it is - but that could always just be the fogged brain that I have at the moment. So there goes one posting idea... But I thought I'd mention it as those who use Twitter may want to look into it and see if they need to change their habbits (or the amount of personal information that's easily findable online) to protect themselves...
Well then I guess I'll get back to trying to find some nice recipes for this weekend - we've got bored of eating simple food week in and week out and have decided that since I like cooking I have to find something nice to make. So far I have a recipe for leak and cheese ravioli and... Not much else. If anyone has a nice recipe they'd like to share please feel free to share :) I guess I have to dust off my Delia's, Jamie Olivers and Silver Spoon* this weekend and start to come up with some nice menus...
Have a good weekend all,
Stace
* The Silver Spoon is a *real* Italian cookbook, best selling in Italy for 50 years or so. Some of the recipes are not for the meek (and so I haven't tried them yet) but there are some absolute stunners - and it remindes you that there is so much more to Italian food than pasta - which I could eat everyday of the week, but Mrs Stace gets bored with :)
I can't wait to finally get rid of the cold that has been haunting me for the last two weeks now. It's causing me pain, and lots of ikky stuff besides, and is making thinking harder than after drinking a bottle or two of cheap plonk.
The only thing I can remember wanting to do a posting about is a website made by a Dutch guy called pleaserobme.com. Basicalled if you link 4Square and Twitter you have the makings of a home security problem. The problem is that the more I looked into it, the more I am not sure how much of a problem it is - but that could always just be the fogged brain that I have at the moment. So there goes one posting idea... But I thought I'd mention it as those who use Twitter may want to look into it and see if they need to change their habbits (or the amount of personal information that's easily findable online) to protect themselves...
Well then I guess I'll get back to trying to find some nice recipes for this weekend - we've got bored of eating simple food week in and week out and have decided that since I like cooking I have to find something nice to make. So far I have a recipe for leak and cheese ravioli and... Not much else. If anyone has a nice recipe they'd like to share please feel free to share :) I guess I have to dust off my Delia's, Jamie Olivers and Silver Spoon* this weekend and start to come up with some nice menus...
Have a good weekend all,
Stace
* The Silver Spoon is a *real* Italian cookbook, best selling in Italy for 50 years or so. Some of the recipes are not for the meek (and so I haven't tried them yet) but there are some absolute stunners - and it remindes you that there is so much more to Italian food than pasta - which I could eat everyday of the week, but Mrs Stace gets bored with :)
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Welcome the land of the beautiful
Quite what I am doing here I have no idea... But the view is nice :)
While reading Calie's blog with her Beautiful bloggers award, one that I feel she really deserves, and I thought 'Wow, once I've gotten into the swing of this bloging lark it would be nice to get something like this'. Scroll down the page a little and lo and behold there is musings in the listings. I was very pleasently shocked.
Well what can I say - Thank you Calie! I guess I have to work on the quality of my postings to live up to it :)
Now there are a few rules that go with the award:
Thank the person who bestowed the award on to you: Well I did that above but again: Thanks Calie!
Show the award in the post
Link to the bestowers site: Calie's Chronicles
Enumerate 7 interesting things about yourself:
Hmm - do I have 7?
Limiting it to 7 is a challenge but here goes
While reading Calie's blog with her Beautiful bloggers award, one that I feel she really deserves, and I thought 'Wow, once I've gotten into the swing of this bloging lark it would be nice to get something like this'. Scroll down the page a little and lo and behold there is musings in the listings. I was very pleasently shocked.
Well what can I say - Thank you Calie! I guess I have to work on the quality of my postings to live up to it :)
Now there are a few rules that go with the award:
Thank the person who bestowed the award on to you: Well I did that above but again: Thanks Calie!
Show the award in the post
Link to the bestowers site: Calie's Chronicles
Enumerate 7 interesting things about yourself:
Hmm - do I have 7?
- I applied for a job, that required me to move to another country, as a joke. I have been living in that country now for nearly 11 years
- I have appeard on Dutch TV at least 3 times (though only recognisable once), and UK TV once (well as a person behind a camera at Assen)
- I love the result of valeting cars, but hate the effort and mess involved in doing it right
- I have raised Hedgehogs from newborn to being released back into the wild when living with my parents. Cute they may be, but they are also disgusting :)
- I love candles, as does Mrs Stace - so much so that we were given so many candles as little wedding gifts that we are still burning them 5 years on
- Between Mrs Stace and myself we have nearly 500 books in our spare room
- If I ever transitioned there are two items from my wardrobe that I would totally miss: The Raymond Weil watch my parents brought me for getting my degree (though it's quite dainty so I could maybe get away with it anyway) and my 'Assassin Suite' (I didn't come up with the nickname I hasten to add). It's a black suit with a black tie and black shirt, and is the only outfit I own that I actually like what I see in the mirror when dressed (providing I stay looking at the neck down)
Limiting it to 7 is a challenge but here goes
Monday, 15 February 2010
Barbie get Techy
A while ago I heard from Jenny that The Register (A techy online rag from the UK) was reporting on a vote for a new Barbie doll
Well the results are in Barbie is getting techy:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/02/14/computer_engineer_barbie/
http://www.barbiemedia.com/admin/uploads/ComputerEngineerBarbie.pdf
Stace
Well the results are in Barbie is getting techy:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/02/14/computer_engineer_barbie/
http://www.barbiemedia.com/admin/uploads/ComputerEngineerBarbie.pdf
Stace
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