After seeing my Sister in law on Saturday we were on full on finish cleaning mode on Sunday. We needed to get the spare room finished and the other rooms tidied up.
Those plans got a little scuppered when we got an SMS from my sister in law asking if we fancied going to a Mexx warehouse sale. Seeing as Mrs Stacy and I like Mexx we thought that we could go down for a quick look and see what is there. The warehouse is only 20 or 30km's from home so it shouldn't take more than 90 minutes or so to get there, shop and leave.
Hahahahahahahahaha.
We were queueing to get in for an hour, spent an hour or more inside going through the racks and paying. Oops. Mind you, the clothes were *really* cheap. Mrs Stace picked up a coat @ about 115 euros discount, I picked up three skirts @ 10 euros each (shop price was 50+ per skirt). In total we spent 96 euros for a bag of clothing that was probably close to 500 euros in the shop! That it's last seasons styles really doesn't bother me - I like clothes I like - fashion rarely figures in my choice of what I buy!
We spent the remainder of the afternoon getting the rooms cleaned and prepared and collapsed on the sofa in the evening to try and get some energy back :)
Yesterday morning came and I got ready to go and pick my parents up from the airport. That did not go well! My hair refused to go properly, the zapped hair from Friday showed through the foundation and I felt like a mess as a result. There is nothing like confidence crushing images in the mirror just before leaving the house. Esp when everything went so well on Saturday with my Sister in Law.
I was in half a mind to give up and get changed again - but I didn't have time to redo my hair as him so I just summoned up all the confidence I could muster and left. Mrs Stace got a call from a colleague just before I left so she had to stay at home and take that.
I got to Schiphol and struggled to get into my walking shoes. Eventually got out of the car and then had issues walking to arrivals (for somereason my skirt was full of static and sticking to my tights which meant it was riding up at the front).
I reached the arrival hall and waited for my parents to come out. Shaking a little from nerves, but actually otherwise I was fine. I wasn't staring round trying to see who was looking at me. I was not trying to hide away so no one could see me (the amount of people crowding around the arrivals gate would have made that impossible anyway!) They came out we had a hug, walked back to the car and my mum said I looked a bit off. I explained about the above and she said that if I was not feeling up to meeting them as Stacy why did I not just go as him. I just thought if I can go out looking that bad and still act with confidence then I should not have an issue in future trips out. She laughed and said that I didn't look 'bad', and that I still looked feminine. I just looked like I was out from the night before :)
Got home and had a great day chatting, watching some TV etc. They had not been to bed for more than 24 hours so they were shattered so they drifted off to sleep occasionally. I was going to get changed, as the make up was starting to look awful - but my mum managed to convince me that it was fine and that I shouldn't worry so much. I eventually got changed when they went to sit in the garden. Should the neighbours see me when I going somewhere, so be it. But I don't want to just sit in plain view in the garden that is overlooked from every side for Mrs Staces sake. When they find out I won't have a problem doing it, but for now I'll try to avoid it. All in al it was a great day. They are currently asleep still from their travelling, and I am about to go for my run around the lake. In the rain :(
Showing posts with label clothes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label clothes. Show all posts
Tuesday, 31 May 2011
Saturday, 22 January 2011
Busy times…
What a week! Seems to be the story of 2011 (at least the story so far!). We have a project coming up for release and it’s entering the stressful period. Give it a week and it should be fine – but for now it’s slightly less than great fun. It has been a nice project though, and I am going to be proud of it when it goes to production.
Monday I was sick – I don’t know what it was, I got to Hilversum and suddenly I felt really nauseous. I struggle through the morning, but after a stand-up meeting for a project where everyone else in the project group told me how bad I looked I decided it was time to call it a day and went home. 90 minutes on trains, busses and then a 2km walk wasn’t exactly what the doctor ordered and when I got in I just collapsed on the sofa and slept for most of the day.
It was a 24 hour thing though, as on Tuesday I was back at work, just very, very tired. Wednesday I had to stay late for the something that went wrong on the project (my fault, I was supposed to copy data from production before changing data structures, it seems I forgot and had to spend 2 hours matching the old production data, with the newly entered data to make sure that the business didn’t have to spend a second day setting everything up… It was difficult, but I was actually enjoying the challenge of making a SQL statement that would do the work for me (I may be a project manager / team lead – but I’m still a geek :p) and learnt something new in the process that will save time in the future.
Thursday I was evil (as I said yesterday – I have not heard if the guy is walking without saying ‘ow’ a lot yet).
Today (I started writing this late last night…) was just non stop.
The car needed servicing. I don’t trust garages, there is one that I just about trust so I always use it even though it's 90 miles away (I’m also the only English customer so I am always remembered and get good service – or so I thought). It was a cheap service (you have cheap, normal and expensive services for AWD Volvos – but it’s all relative…) but I knew that the rear brakes were ready for replacement – they are 168000KM’s old.
Or so I thought. It was the front. And as it’s a turbo they are special brakes and I prepared for a stupid price. It actually came back *very* cheap (10 euros more than someone on my team just paid for front brakes on a Fiat Punto!). Oh, but the rear pads were also shot (oddly enough not the discs – another 168000KM left on those!). Oh, and as they played with the front and rear brakes the fluid was changed at the same time.
And the alarm needing re-certifying (now a yearly occurrence) in order to keep the theft insurance valid (just because it’s an AWD the insurance classes it the same as a Chelsea Tractor re theft protection, the FWD version doesn’t need it even though it’s faster and more likely a target for the joy rider!)
All in 800GBP (less than I was expecting with the extra bits, more than I wanted to pay). But, it took 4 hours to do all of the work. And I had lots to do today so it put me way behind.
I drove back and rushed the weekly shopping (thank goodness for smart phones that Mrs Stace could send the list to!) in a store I was not used to, so I was walking back and forward for longer than I wanted.
Got home, rushed lunch – which was a shame ‘cause I had treated myself to some really nice cobs that I rushed too much to really enjoy. I was now 20 mins behind schedule and had to be out of the house in 40 minutes for therapy. Normally that would be a rush, but since my first laser appointment I have started to wet shave as the results are far better. So, a bit more than a rush…
Shaved, dressed (first time for a new outfit – I was over the moon with it; for one thing it fitted, which is an improvement on a couple of weeks ago) and started on my face. I have switched foundation this week – a local stored had a special offer on L’oreal so I decided to try the roll on foundation. It’s wonderful stuff! It gives a much nicer coverage than doing it by hand, and you don’t get foundation under your finger nails.
I actually managed to get ready in time (how I don’t know) looking better than normal because of doing things wrong (no time to do my hair using the brush normally, so I tried just using my hands – that didn’t work, but a quick attack with a brush afterwards looked better than normal and took half the time. I have to practice that I think to make sure it wasn’t a fluke…)
Go to Amsterdam with no traffic issues for a change, and found somewhere quite easy to park. And for once didn’t freeze getting the parking ticket or walking to the therapist’s office. I got myself a winter coat. Love the look and it’s *so* warm. My only issue is that it’s slightly longer than my skirts. Now this is not unusual in Holland (see it all the time at the train station – but Mrs Stace thinks that it looks a little like I forgot an item of clothing…)
The session was quite heavy this week – with a subject that I was really not comfortable talking about. I’m glad that we did – it was what I wanted to talk about before I arrived (though he brought the subject up in the session), but it was difficult none the less.
Something light to end on… I have gadget shopping trip coming up and have been trading mails with my ex-boss all week. He is a Hi-Fi nut, valve CD players etc – and so I wanted his advice on how to set up my system when I get my next toys. Got the advice I needed to get the preparations sorted (basically KISS) and found what I would like from Mrs Stace for my birthday - a FLAC server so I don't have to switch CD's all the time to get good quality music (and much cheaper than the presents of the last couple of years). He also showed me he home network setup, and as a geek I have to say it’s very nice. Something to think about if we build an extension to the house (as we are thinking about).
Wednesday, 16 June 2010
Adventures in Epilating, and other stuff
I've been using my epilator for about a month now - so far so good. I need to spend serious time doing it every three weeks or so, and a bit of maintenance (5 / 10 mins) once a week. I'm really happy with my arms - the hair their is growing back much softer than before (it seems to take a while to get thick, black and noticable) so I don't have to do those as often.
The pain has recinded somewhat after that first, painful time - on my shins I hardly feel it anymore and it's no worse than shaving. Thighs still hurt, though not as eye watering as before.
Things that I have done wrong though:
Still soo much better than shaving though - lasts longer, is smother and my arms are not so much as hair free now as looking more natural (as Mrs Stace said when I shaved my arms - women have hair on their arms - it's nice to have, just not the thick black hair...)
Other stuff? Two things spring to mind.
I have my yearly review this week and got the info last night. I'm impressed. Better than average. Personally I would break my last year down as July-Dec good, Dec-April terrible, May to now slightly down on good. But it seems that I did enough to keep the business, and my boss, impressed. I guess what I am doing is good - I just feel I should be doing more of it.
The other is bike related. I was by bike to my sister in laws yesterday, and was changing into my leather before leaving. She commented that the leathers are very manly, and would I be changing them if I transitioned.
I said not. I have two reasons for this. One is that a good set of leathers is well into 4 figures and I am not going to throw them out until they are no longer keeing me safe. The other, possibly more important, reason is that you can't get good quality leathers for women. I have top of the line 2 piece Dainese leathers, with titanium sliders on the shoulder and elbows. For women they have some nice looking leathers, but nothing with the level of protection that mine have. I couldn't think about changing for something that offers less protection than I have now so I have little choice in the matter.
See what is available should the time come I suppose.
Right, time to do more of that work that I mentioned :)
The pain has recinded somewhat after that first, painful time - on my shins I hardly feel it anymore and it's no worse than shaving. Thighs still hurt, though not as eye watering as before.
Things that I have done wrong though:
- I didn't exfoliate enough and had lots of ingrowing hair. That was painful to sort out, but seems to be fine now.
- You can cause injury with an epilator if you get it wrong - the scab on my wrist shows that :)
Still soo much better than shaving though - lasts longer, is smother and my arms are not so much as hair free now as looking more natural (as Mrs Stace said when I shaved my arms - women have hair on their arms - it's nice to have, just not the thick black hair...)
Other stuff? Two things spring to mind.
I have my yearly review this week and got the info last night. I'm impressed. Better than average. Personally I would break my last year down as July-Dec good, Dec-April terrible, May to now slightly down on good. But it seems that I did enough to keep the business, and my boss, impressed. I guess what I am doing is good - I just feel I should be doing more of it.
The other is bike related. I was by bike to my sister in laws yesterday, and was changing into my leather before leaving. She commented that the leathers are very manly, and would I be changing them if I transitioned.
I said not. I have two reasons for this. One is that a good set of leathers is well into 4 figures and I am not going to throw them out until they are no longer keeing me safe. The other, possibly more important, reason is that you can't get good quality leathers for women. I have top of the line 2 piece Dainese leathers, with titanium sliders on the shoulder and elbows. For women they have some nice looking leathers, but nothing with the level of protection that mine have. I couldn't think about changing for something that offers less protection than I have now so I have little choice in the matter.
See what is available should the time come I suppose.
Right, time to do more of that work that I mentioned :)
Sunday, 30 May 2010
Shoes, dancing and problems with weight loss
Well the shoe shopping trip was sucessful, though I didn't get the ones that I went for. In the shop I asked Mrs Stace if she would wear the ones from yesterday, as they are her style as well (except maybe the heel). However, as she already has the same shoes in black she didn't think that she would. So I went for a different style instead. I just hope they don't look too old (though again Mrs Stace seems to think that the heels stop that). But I do like them I have to say...I tried them this morning with my new outfit and a brown semi formal jacket that I borrowed from Mrs Stace. As I now have a therapist I think I may, at some point, start to go dressed and this would be an idea outfit. We'll see what happens when the time comes. I also managed to get my eye makeup perfect for the first time today so I am on slight high from that. See if I cam manage it next time as well.
Last night was spent dancing for the last time of the school year. It's the third year, and we both struggled with how complex it got and just how many steps we had to learn and remember.
The ballroom was a disaster. Had the strictly judges been there Craig would have made the middle syllable last a year. We did one run through the English Waltz and then I forgot the steps. Totally... I couldn't remember a thing. The tango was OK, not great I thought, but OK. The quickstep (one of my favorite dances) was just a mess. The music they choose was just too slow and not a single couple was in step with the beat after a few seconds. During the break between ballroom and latin all the Silver* couples were complaining about it.
The latin was great. The rumba, cha cha and samba came together, I remembered the steps and we started to enjoy it. We finished on the Jive. My absolute favorite dance. The music was quite quick and we just got totally into it. We both had hugh grins throughout the dance and when we were finished the couples we always drink with during the break said that they couldn't take their eyes off of us due to the engery and enjoyment we were putting into it. That was wonderful to hear!
After a demonstration dance from the resident professionals (WOW!) we got our certificates. Actually scored quite well ballroom, and as expected for latin - average of 8 for all 7 dances. All in all an enjoyable night :)
There was an issue before we went though. Mrs Stace brought a fantastic dress for the night and I wanted to match. Seeing as I've lost weight I thought my black suit would be perfect. I was wrong. Whilst the trousers now fit OK (fine on the but, loose on the waist) the jacket was a joke. We both thought that I looked like a kid trying on his dad's clothes.
I have another suit, but that was also not great (better, so that's the one I wore). Again it fitted on the but, but there are inches spare on the waist, and the fitted jacket just isn't anymore. Then I pinched it in. Woohoo for the shape left, but not for a blokes jacket... That was not a problem I was expecting to have... It takes me back to being a teenager when I wore 501w's until they stopped making them as they fitted better than the standard 501's. Kind of the same issue Keli has... But womens jeans these days are a little more obvious than back then so I have to go searching for something different...
Friday, 28 May 2010
Time and shallowness...
Over the last two weeks I have really got back into the swing of things in the office. I started to keep an excel sheet for persoanl time management and you know what - it helps. I can focus better than previous weeks and at the end of the day I can look back and see what I have done and feel some sense of acheivement.
And the shallowness?
The downside is that my time online has gone down by about 90% as it used to be my escape when my head was completely lost. So if I haven't been commenting, or answering mails as quickly as normal I would like to appologise (though my boss is happier ;-p)
And the shallowness?I just got a package from H&M that I have been waiting for (for over a month). A new skirt and top that I couldn't find in their bricks and mortor store locally...
I'm over the moon with the clothes, Mrs Stace a little less so. Apart from the obvious reason why, the skirt is a EU38 (US8 on the label and according to the size conversion chart a UK10). And It's a little loose. Top's an 'M' and is just about right (a little loose but not too much)... Mrs Stace does not think that is fair...
I saw a friend for the first time in a while yesterday, he's the first person to comment that I had lost weight since the start of the year. I was about jumping for joy that someone had noticed (I was beginning to think that it was impossible to tell!)
Saturday, 24 April 2010
Doing better...
Well I'm doing so much better this week than I was when I last posted. So much so I can't recognise how I felt then.
Is that bi-polar, or just a sign that I've started to come to terms with things?
Since my last post I have been dressed each evening it was possible to do so (Tuesdays / Wednesdays are out as we go out those days - but Thursday and Friday were both spent dressed). The difference in myself is amazing. I was trying to explain it to Jenny in an email and struggles somewhat. It's not that I relax when dressed, but that I feel like me and so the anxiety drops away somewhat. Even though the fears and worries about the future remain, and are just as strong the anxiety level makes the difference.
I was speaking to my boss about this yesterday - I had an update meeting with him to explain how things were going and that I had had a very tough time of it recently. He said he understood why being dressed did me so much good - there is a rather large picture of him in the hallway dressed as a hooker from a previous office fancy dress party. he said if you look at the photo you can tell he is not comfortable (to be fair neither would I be in that outfit) and it makes perfect sense that if you reverse the scenario to me that I am not comfortable wearing my daily clothes. He has a good insight that man I think. Better than me - I don't get how getting dressed can make such a difference.
Mrs Stace has been great with the dressing, I offered to remain in boy mode again last night, but she told me to change. And did my eyes again. I am not sure if she is getting used to it, but she is trying her hardest.
I asked her what made the change from not wanting me dressed a lot to advising it when possible. She said it was the suicidal thoughts. Slightly guilty feelings there as I did not tell her for that reason. But I can't deny it's helped.
The other thing that has helped is me accepting my situation. I was planning to go into therapy at the VU fighting transition at all costs. That is also where a lot of anxiety has been over the last few weeks. I've now decided that I have to go into it open minded. Not going in expecting transition, but not going in fighting it either. That has also removed a lot of anxiety. Introduced an amount of fear, but fear without anxiety if that makes any sense. I feel much more serene now.
There are logistical issues that go with the dressing each night. We live in a terrace house - overlooked on all sides. Ergo, if I am dressed we have to close the curtains. And when we forgot to pick milk up on Thursday and found out after I was dressed (and had makeup on) Mrs Stace was the one who needed to not only go and pick it up, but also take over my role of fighting the junk in the shed to get my bike out (her's is buried deeper). I would have happily got it for her but then my secret would have been more than a little out.
Another issue is panda eyes. I got up on Friday morning, had a shower and still had panda eyes from the mascara of the night before. I'm glad Mrs Stace was there to check when it was gone (the light in the mirror is not the best) otherwise I would have had some explaining to do...
Have a good weekend all - I'm off for my 18km skate now :). Just beleive me that I am doing better now.
Is that bi-polar, or just a sign that I've started to come to terms with things?
Since my last post I have been dressed each evening it was possible to do so (Tuesdays / Wednesdays are out as we go out those days - but Thursday and Friday were both spent dressed). The difference in myself is amazing. I was trying to explain it to Jenny in an email and struggles somewhat. It's not that I relax when dressed, but that I feel like me and so the anxiety drops away somewhat. Even though the fears and worries about the future remain, and are just as strong the anxiety level makes the difference.
I was speaking to my boss about this yesterday - I had an update meeting with him to explain how things were going and that I had had a very tough time of it recently. He said he understood why being dressed did me so much good - there is a rather large picture of him in the hallway dressed as a hooker from a previous office fancy dress party. he said if you look at the photo you can tell he is not comfortable (to be fair neither would I be in that outfit) and it makes perfect sense that if you reverse the scenario to me that I am not comfortable wearing my daily clothes. He has a good insight that man I think. Better than me - I don't get how getting dressed can make such a difference.
Mrs Stace has been great with the dressing, I offered to remain in boy mode again last night, but she told me to change. And did my eyes again. I am not sure if she is getting used to it, but she is trying her hardest.
I asked her what made the change from not wanting me dressed a lot to advising it when possible. She said it was the suicidal thoughts. Slightly guilty feelings there as I did not tell her for that reason. But I can't deny it's helped.
The other thing that has helped is me accepting my situation. I was planning to go into therapy at the VU fighting transition at all costs. That is also where a lot of anxiety has been over the last few weeks. I've now decided that I have to go into it open minded. Not going in expecting transition, but not going in fighting it either. That has also removed a lot of anxiety. Introduced an amount of fear, but fear without anxiety if that makes any sense. I feel much more serene now.
There are logistical issues that go with the dressing each night. We live in a terrace house - overlooked on all sides. Ergo, if I am dressed we have to close the curtains. And when we forgot to pick milk up on Thursday and found out after I was dressed (and had makeup on) Mrs Stace was the one who needed to not only go and pick it up, but also take over my role of fighting the junk in the shed to get my bike out (her's is buried deeper). I would have happily got it for her but then my secret would have been more than a little out.
Another issue is panda eyes. I got up on Friday morning, had a shower and still had panda eyes from the mascara of the night before. I'm glad Mrs Stace was there to check when it was gone (the light in the mirror is not the best) otherwise I would have had some explaining to do...
Have a good weekend all - I'm off for my 18km skate now :). Just beleive me that I am doing better now.
Monday, 12 April 2010
A small woohoo
OK appologies if this sounds like showing off...
Today, for the first time in 8 years, I am at work in my (albiet male) skinny, 29" jeans. Months of running and skating have finally started to pay off! Coming in at less than 30" has a really nice psycological impact...
:)
Today, for the first time in 8 years, I am at work in my (albiet male) skinny, 29" jeans. Months of running and skating have finally started to pay off! Coming in at less than 30" has a really nice psycological impact...
:)
Saturday, 6 March 2010
Big week
Well this week has been a big one for me... Lots happened - mostly good, some less so. But I am ending it quite happy.
Obviously the biggest was telling my boss on Monday. He's been absolutely true to his word, and has treated me absolutely the same as before he knew. What more could I have asked for.
I spent Sunday afternoon going trying on old clothes - it seems that the exercise is starting to work - my old jeans that have not fitted for a little while now actually do up (woohoo). Hopefully in a month or so they may even be comfortable enough to wear all day... We'll see.
I've managed to get up to 10KM's on skates now - not quite Sven Kramer time wise (actually nearly three times longer) - but I'm happy to have reached that milestone. Maybe this week I can manage 12. I'm still stuck at 6KM's running, but the time is dropping nicely. In 4 weeks it's the Hilversum City Run - at present schedule I should be good for improving my time from last time. I have a new way of training this week. I brought a heart rate monitor from the internet this week on the advice of a colleague who is insane with sporting. Hopefully I can now do two different types of training each week. One to get me faster for the run, and one to help me lose the weight having a driving license has given me. I never realised that just going all out for it when running is not actually the best way to burn fat - hopefully knowing what my heart is doing is going to let me stay in the right zone for both objectives. Wish me luck...
We had a last minute family dinner last Saturday with Mrs Stace's parents and her sisters family. It was a really nice evening, and everyone seems to have settled there as well. There was only one mention of TG, and that was caused by me. As with my boss it's nice to be treated just as me again. The mention? When desert came around Mrs Stace took her piece first and then her mum offered the bowl to me. Now I've always gone with ladies first, so I said that and passed it to her mum. Mrs Stace and her sister apparently discussed that after the meal (not in a bad way - just commenting on it)...
The snow has now gone, so I took the cover off of the bike and started it to get some charge back into the battery. Oh dear I think is an appropriate response. It started fine, but the throttle is stuck, oil is coming out of the clutch cover, the chain and sprokets are in bad condition and the fork seals are started to break down. Time for a new bike. Mrs Stace is not happy - and we had a big argument about it (that turned out to be about that and the 'other' thing all wrapped up in one). I have a couple of test rides set up for today and just hope that I can get a decent price for mine considering what they will have to do to get it working. I spoke to my parents last night (Dad to get his advice on the bikes, mum to say 'hello' and to get an earful about the bike from her too - I left to get a hair cut and her and Mrs Stace were complaining to each other about me on two wheels).
On that note I think that it's time to grab another cappucino, and make porridge for me and Mrs Stace before getting on my way....
Obviously the biggest was telling my boss on Monday. He's been absolutely true to his word, and has treated me absolutely the same as before he knew. What more could I have asked for.
I spent Sunday afternoon going trying on old clothes - it seems that the exercise is starting to work - my old jeans that have not fitted for a little while now actually do up (woohoo). Hopefully in a month or so they may even be comfortable enough to wear all day... We'll see.
I've managed to get up to 10KM's on skates now - not quite Sven Kramer time wise (actually nearly three times longer) - but I'm happy to have reached that milestone. Maybe this week I can manage 12. I'm still stuck at 6KM's running, but the time is dropping nicely. In 4 weeks it's the Hilversum City Run - at present schedule I should be good for improving my time from last time. I have a new way of training this week. I brought a heart rate monitor from the internet this week on the advice of a colleague who is insane with sporting. Hopefully I can now do two different types of training each week. One to get me faster for the run, and one to help me lose the weight having a driving license has given me. I never realised that just going all out for it when running is not actually the best way to burn fat - hopefully knowing what my heart is doing is going to let me stay in the right zone for both objectives. Wish me luck...
We had a last minute family dinner last Saturday with Mrs Stace's parents and her sisters family. It was a really nice evening, and everyone seems to have settled there as well. There was only one mention of TG, and that was caused by me. As with my boss it's nice to be treated just as me again. The mention? When desert came around Mrs Stace took her piece first and then her mum offered the bowl to me. Now I've always gone with ladies first, so I said that and passed it to her mum. Mrs Stace and her sister apparently discussed that after the meal (not in a bad way - just commenting on it)...
The snow has now gone, so I took the cover off of the bike and started it to get some charge back into the battery. Oh dear I think is an appropriate response. It started fine, but the throttle is stuck, oil is coming out of the clutch cover, the chain and sprokets are in bad condition and the fork seals are started to break down. Time for a new bike. Mrs Stace is not happy - and we had a big argument about it (that turned out to be about that and the 'other' thing all wrapped up in one). I have a couple of test rides set up for today and just hope that I can get a decent price for mine considering what they will have to do to get it working. I spoke to my parents last night (Dad to get his advice on the bikes, mum to say 'hello' and to get an earful about the bike from her too - I left to get a hair cut and her and Mrs Stace were complaining to each other about me on two wheels).
On that note I think that it's time to grab another cappucino, and make porridge for me and Mrs Stace before getting on my way....
Saturday, 27 February 2010
Just promise me one thing...
Well after a very odd week (up and down like a rollercoaster) and a depressed post a couple of days ago it definately ended on a high.
After weeks of lathargicness, and inability to exercise (when I tried I did half of what I normally did and ended up so exhausted I couldn't even get off of the sofa to get a drink for 30 mins) I finally got back into the swing last weekend.
Saturday I skated for the first time (no snow!) and managed 6km's, sunday I went running and also managed 6km's. Not the quickest I've ever done the 6KM's in question - but a good start. And I managed to join in the office running training group for the first time this year (I missed the first 4 due to a mixture of illness and appointments).
Hopefully today I'll get a chance to go skating again - I have to say I do prefer it to running...
And the high?
I called my parents last night (I have odered them a Wii and Wii Fit Plus from amazon and the first half arrived last night). We chatted about the Wii and general stuff, and then got on to the subject of me (god that sounds self obsessed...). I wanted to know if they had decided to speak to anyone. Turns out my mum has, but my dad doesn't have anyone just yet.
Mum told her best friend, she picked this friend as they have a good relationship and she is married to someone with a gay son. Her friend took it well, and they have had a good talk. Mum says that once she told her she felt like a weight had been lifted (sound familiar anyone?) so it's really done her good. Her friend said that she wouldn't tell her husband, but mum said no, please do - "his dad needs someone to talk to as well, and it would be nice if we could all talk about this together if needed".
She's been to her doctor who is going to try and get hold of the books that doctors use for dealing with transgendered people, and try to find a professional for them to speak to. The problem I have here is that they may have to pay, which they have said they will do. But they are not the highest paid people and I feel really guilty at them having to pay out because of me. I would offer to pay for them, but if the worst happends between Mrs Stace and I then I do not know *if* I can afford to do that for them as I'll have some quite big bills coming.
I found out that she has also told her boss - she was having some bad days at work - who has apparently also been fine about it, and offered help if and when mum needs it.
And someone who she will never tell: another one of her good friends. Whilst at work the son a a resident (she works in a care home) who is gay was helping his dad into a chair in the sun and she made a comment. Not in itself homophobic, but said in a way that made mum decide that she wouldn't know. It's a shame she has that attitude about people who are different as it is another clsoe friend of mum who keep son offering help as she can see something is bothering her.
Then I got on to two people who I feel I have to tell (why does you brain do this to you, who do you have the *need* to tell people?).
The first is my brother. I said I would never tell him, but I feel that it is just not on. He is the only close family member that does not know - and I feel that it not fair on him. I would not want to find out at some point in the future that everybody knew except for me, and I can't do that to him. I have no idea how he is going to take it, and I have to wait as well as I am not going to do it over the phone and I do not know when I am going to see him again.
And the other is my boss. I just can't keep on doing the cloak and dagger discussions when we discuss how I am doing. He'll be fine with it I'm sure. Whilst running we had a great conversatioin about Dutch politics. (The Dutch goverment fell a week ago). He said that he always voted liberal 'because it's always better that someone is who they, than they struggle to fit into someones arbitary stereotype that has been imposed on them'. That was very nice to hear as you can imagine.
We discussed how to tell both of them (I am so relieved that I can discuss this with my parents). Bascically with my brother I just have to tell him face to face. Either he is going to take it well, or he is going to flip and walk off.
My boss... We think that asking him to go for a drink after work one day and telling him outside of the office envronment is likely to be the best idea. I'm going to speak to him on Monday I think.
By this point their food had been ruined (more guilt for me that mum said don't be daft - they'd never hang up on me when discussing something like this) and they had to get ready for a long trip they are probably on as I write this (my brother has given them a car from his lot at cost and is driving to Glasgow to swap it with mums current car) so I had a quick chat with dad and we called it a night - I'm going to call them on Sunday and set up a web chat so I can help them put thier Wii on the TV.
And the Promise of the title?
Half way through the talk mum said their was one thing she was scared of (I thought she was going to say if you decide to transition). What she was worried about was 'If you decide to transition that you start to dress outragously' She is worried that I am going to go all out OTT and end up a media interpretation of a transsexual. So I told her what my style is (I'm Smart Casual in bloke mode and Smart Casual in Stacy mode. The style doesn't change, just the clothes. She asked what smart casual was so I told her my favorite outfit (My new heels - 2 1/2 inch stilettos, not too high, skin or black tights, a beige canvas above the knee skirt and a black top). Basically what a 33 year old woman could wear to the office. That pleased both of us. Her knowing what my style is, and me discussing an outfit for Stacy with my mum.
Well I think I've waffled long enough her... Have a good weekend all!
After weeks of lathargicness, and inability to exercise (when I tried I did half of what I normally did and ended up so exhausted I couldn't even get off of the sofa to get a drink for 30 mins) I finally got back into the swing last weekend.
Saturday I skated for the first time (no snow!) and managed 6km's, sunday I went running and also managed 6km's. Not the quickest I've ever done the 6KM's in question - but a good start. And I managed to join in the office running training group for the first time this year (I missed the first 4 due to a mixture of illness and appointments).
Hopefully today I'll get a chance to go skating again - I have to say I do prefer it to running...
And the high?
I called my parents last night (I have odered them a Wii and Wii Fit Plus from amazon and the first half arrived last night). We chatted about the Wii and general stuff, and then got on to the subject of me (god that sounds self obsessed...). I wanted to know if they had decided to speak to anyone. Turns out my mum has, but my dad doesn't have anyone just yet.
Mum told her best friend, she picked this friend as they have a good relationship and she is married to someone with a gay son. Her friend took it well, and they have had a good talk. Mum says that once she told her she felt like a weight had been lifted (sound familiar anyone?) so it's really done her good. Her friend said that she wouldn't tell her husband, but mum said no, please do - "his dad needs someone to talk to as well, and it would be nice if we could all talk about this together if needed".
She's been to her doctor who is going to try and get hold of the books that doctors use for dealing with transgendered people, and try to find a professional for them to speak to. The problem I have here is that they may have to pay, which they have said they will do. But they are not the highest paid people and I feel really guilty at them having to pay out because of me. I would offer to pay for them, but if the worst happends between Mrs Stace and I then I do not know *if* I can afford to do that for them as I'll have some quite big bills coming.
I found out that she has also told her boss - she was having some bad days at work - who has apparently also been fine about it, and offered help if and when mum needs it.
And someone who she will never tell: another one of her good friends. Whilst at work the son a a resident (she works in a care home) who is gay was helping his dad into a chair in the sun and she made a comment. Not in itself homophobic, but said in a way that made mum decide that she wouldn't know. It's a shame she has that attitude about people who are different as it is another clsoe friend of mum who keep son offering help as she can see something is bothering her.
Then I got on to two people who I feel I have to tell (why does you brain do this to you, who do you have the *need* to tell people?).
The first is my brother. I said I would never tell him, but I feel that it is just not on. He is the only close family member that does not know - and I feel that it not fair on him. I would not want to find out at some point in the future that everybody knew except for me, and I can't do that to him. I have no idea how he is going to take it, and I have to wait as well as I am not going to do it over the phone and I do not know when I am going to see him again.
And the other is my boss. I just can't keep on doing the cloak and dagger discussions when we discuss how I am doing. He'll be fine with it I'm sure. Whilst running we had a great conversatioin about Dutch politics. (The Dutch goverment fell a week ago). He said that he always voted liberal 'because it's always better that someone is who they, than they struggle to fit into someones arbitary stereotype that has been imposed on them'. That was very nice to hear as you can imagine.
We discussed how to tell both of them (I am so relieved that I can discuss this with my parents). Bascically with my brother I just have to tell him face to face. Either he is going to take it well, or he is going to flip and walk off.
My boss... We think that asking him to go for a drink after work one day and telling him outside of the office envronment is likely to be the best idea. I'm going to speak to him on Monday I think.
By this point their food had been ruined (more guilt for me that mum said don't be daft - they'd never hang up on me when discussing something like this) and they had to get ready for a long trip they are probably on as I write this (my brother has given them a car from his lot at cost and is driving to Glasgow to swap it with mums current car) so I had a quick chat with dad and we called it a night - I'm going to call them on Sunday and set up a web chat so I can help them put thier Wii on the TV.
And the Promise of the title?
Half way through the talk mum said their was one thing she was scared of (I thought she was going to say if you decide to transition). What she was worried about was 'If you decide to transition that you start to dress outragously' She is worried that I am going to go all out OTT and end up a media interpretation of a transsexual. So I told her what my style is (I'm Smart Casual in bloke mode and Smart Casual in Stacy mode. The style doesn't change, just the clothes. She asked what smart casual was so I told her my favorite outfit (My new heels - 2 1/2 inch stilettos, not too high, skin or black tights, a beige canvas above the knee skirt and a black top). Basically what a 33 year old woman could wear to the office. That pleased both of us. Her knowing what my style is, and me discussing an outfit for Stacy with my mum.
Well I think I've waffled long enough her... Have a good weekend all!
Saturday, 7 November 2009
Evening Tanya, been a while
Well it has been a while (since blogging and since watching Lock Stock) - and writing this is about the only time I have had to myself since then.
The household chores are finally finished (for now). The bathroom is almost done (except the ceiling and window frame - which can both wait), the spare room no longer has a hole in the wall (from fitting the sink waste in the bathroom) and has been completely redocorated. And in record time I think - 4 evenings to strip the old wallpaper, put up the new (fibre-galss) wallpaper and give it three coats of paint. It was finished literally hours before my parents flight touched down - thankfully the smell of fresh wall paint doesn't bother them.
Spent a wonderful week with my parents, took some real time off of work - haven't read a single email in the last 8 days and won't until Monday morning on the way to the office. We didn't do anything special (except for a meal celebrating my other halfs birthday with her parents as well - first time both sets of parents have been together since our wedding day I think), just spent a few days together. Was quite sad when they took off again to go home. I thinkt the best thing was to see just how well my dad looks after his heart attack 10 weeks or so ago. That has put my mind to rest quite a bit.
The household chores are finally finished (for now). The bathroom is almost done (except the ceiling and window frame - which can both wait), the spare room no longer has a hole in the wall (from fitting the sink waste in the bathroom) and has been completely redocorated. And in record time I think - 4 evenings to strip the old wallpaper, put up the new (fibre-galss) wallpaper and give it three coats of paint. It was finished literally hours before my parents flight touched down - thankfully the smell of fresh wall paint doesn't bother them.
Spent a wonderful week with my parents, took some real time off of work - haven't read a single email in the last 8 days and won't until Monday morning on the way to the office. We didn't do anything special (except for a meal celebrating my other halfs birthday with her parents as well - first time both sets of parents have been together since our wedding day I think), just spent a few days together. Was quite sad when they took off again to go home. I thinkt the best thing was to see just how well my dad looks after his heart attack 10 weeks or so ago. That has put my mind to rest quite a bit.
After the failed shopping trip a couple of weeks a go I finally found a black dress that I liked (and fitted my rather limited budget - hurrar for H&M, they had lots). Was interesting buying it though. I was shopping with my other half (she was looking for jumpers, me a dress) and she surreptitiously, whilst "checking" the label, held it up to check the size. I have to say that was the least enjoyable part of it - size 44 in order to get a waist of the right size. And yet I can get away with skirts of size 40. Hopefully I can pull it in a little if I lose a little weight running...
Well... I think that is my head emptied again, and I need to start my studies - going for an MSTS DBA exam in the new year and have yet to actually start the training book.
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
Another Failed Shopping Trip, More DIY
Every week we get billions (OK English exageration a little there) of leaflets through our door from the various shops in the town center. We normally flick through all of them just to see if anything catches our eye - and every few weeks there is something.
This week we found two things, in a shop we would never dream of going in. A jumper for my other half, and a little black dress for me.
Whilst she really did not want to be seen in the shop (it's mainly used by the winklies, not 30 somethings) she really liked the jumper so we went looking.
First off, once you walk in the store you *really* see that it caters for the older generation - I've never seen such a drab shop outside of 'Mary Queen of Shops' on TV. Secondly even though I was with my wife, and shopping for her as well as me, I got a major bout of nerves and could hardly look for either item of clothing...
We found her Jumper, but as the only size they had in stock was XXXL we decided that maybe we'd leave it. The dress (whilst in the shop window) wasn't even in the store itself. When you look at the customers they have you have to ask why they would even stock either of the items - I can't imagine any of the other customers in there buying them.
Fubar :(
We are supposed to be tryin again in other stores this week (but I'm not holding out much hope - little black dresses are not as easy to find as I imagined...)
On top of that we have sooo much on our plate at the moment. My folks are coming to visit soon (read in days) and at present the spare room doesn't even have wallpaper on every wall. Why on earth I decided to try and get it decorated in a week I don't know. I spend literally years thinking 'That room really needs doing', and then with less than 7 days until it is to be used suddenly get the compulsion that it has to be done now...
As such I am covered in glass fibre from the wall paper that has gone up (I've never seen glass fibre paper before, but it does give a nice finish on the wall for paint - without having to pay someone to plaster the walls) and absolutely shot - work 9 hours (full of stress at the moment) followed by 5 hours of decorating every day is not healthy. Good job my folks are here next week - I'm on vacation for when they are here and can hopefully recover a little...
This week we found two things, in a shop we would never dream of going in. A jumper for my other half, and a little black dress for me.
Whilst she really did not want to be seen in the shop (it's mainly used by the winklies, not 30 somethings) she really liked the jumper so we went looking.
First off, once you walk in the store you *really* see that it caters for the older generation - I've never seen such a drab shop outside of 'Mary Queen of Shops' on TV. Secondly even though I was with my wife, and shopping for her as well as me, I got a major bout of nerves and could hardly look for either item of clothing...
We found her Jumper, but as the only size they had in stock was XXXL we decided that maybe we'd leave it. The dress (whilst in the shop window) wasn't even in the store itself. When you look at the customers they have you have to ask why they would even stock either of the items - I can't imagine any of the other customers in there buying them.
Fubar :(
We are supposed to be tryin again in other stores this week (but I'm not holding out much hope - little black dresses are not as easy to find as I imagined...)
On top of that we have sooo much on our plate at the moment. My folks are coming to visit soon (read in days) and at present the spare room doesn't even have wallpaper on every wall. Why on earth I decided to try and get it decorated in a week I don't know. I spend literally years thinking 'That room really needs doing', and then with less than 7 days until it is to be used suddenly get the compulsion that it has to be done now...
As such I am covered in glass fibre from the wall paper that has gone up (I've never seen glass fibre paper before, but it does give a nice finish on the wall for paint - without having to pay someone to plaster the walls) and absolutely shot - work 9 hours (full of stress at the moment) followed by 5 hours of decorating every day is not healthy. Good job my folks are here next week - I'm on vacation for when they are here and can hopefully recover a little...
Sunday, 18 October 2009
Shoes, shoes and more shoes
We are redecorating ad hoc things around the house at the moment and one of the items up for discussion is the shoe rack. Working out the amount of shoes gave me a little surprise...
I own way more shoes than my other half. And they are not even en femme shoes (although they are mainly womens :) ). I have a couple of pairs of boots, a pair of hicking boots, a pair of hand made shoes (the only ones that fit me properly that are actually also mens shoes - brought for my wedding day, 2 pairs of boat shoes, 2 pairs of *everyday* trainers, a pair of running trainer, a pair of indoor court trainers, a pair of canvas shoes and a pair of deck shoes. Plus a pair of boots for in the bike a a pair of wall climbing shoes.
I make that 14 pairs. And I think I may have forgotten something...
I can only think that is too many... Or can men now buy as many shoes as they like?
Oh and well done Jenson!!!!!
I own way more shoes than my other half. And they are not even en femme shoes (although they are mainly womens :) ). I have a couple of pairs of boots, a pair of hicking boots, a pair of hand made shoes (the only ones that fit me properly that are actually also mens shoes - brought for my wedding day, 2 pairs of boat shoes, 2 pairs of *everyday* trainers, a pair of running trainer, a pair of indoor court trainers, a pair of canvas shoes and a pair of deck shoes. Plus a pair of boots for in the bike a a pair of wall climbing shoes.
I make that 14 pairs. And I think I may have forgotten something...
I can only think that is too many... Or can men now buy as many shoes as they like?
Oh and well done Jenson!!!!!
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Another Week, Another Title
Just a quick post this week, to make sure I keep up the habit.
It's been a rollacoaster week. The grandmother of my wife passed away, the funeral was yesterday. It was as bad / good as expected. Some people said some really nice things and I think that as well as the sadness there was also a lot of happy memories that people shared.
In between consoling my wife I've still had to keep working and slogging away in the bathroom helping my brother finish on time.
Add to that having to shower anywhere possible (at work, realitves or neighbours homes) and we're shattered. As the bathroom should be finsihed in a few days I hope life can get back to normal as soon as possible.
One last (happier) thought before I go... How do you complement a girl on the way she dresses without seeming like your (a) interested (I'm not) or (b) way too interested in womens clothes (I am :) )
It's been a rollacoaster week. The grandmother of my wife passed away, the funeral was yesterday. It was as bad / good as expected. Some people said some really nice things and I think that as well as the sadness there was also a lot of happy memories that people shared.
In between consoling my wife I've still had to keep working and slogging away in the bathroom helping my brother finish on time.
Add to that having to shower anywhere possible (at work, realitves or neighbours homes) and we're shattered. As the bathroom should be finsihed in a few days I hope life can get back to normal as soon as possible.
One last (happier) thought before I go... How do you complement a girl on the way she dresses without seeming like your (a) interested (I'm not) or (b) way too interested in womens clothes (I am :) )
Sunday, 23 August 2009
Been a while...
Well after a long break I'm finally back jn the country and having spent just two weeks in the office I really need another one...
Going back to my post of a few weeks ago... I decided to treat myself to the new AV system. I have to say I'm pleased I did. Whilst speaking to guys in the shop we discussed what I wanted from the system and what it was capable of. Basically, I wanted a system that would give good surround sound, but that would not be an ugly splot in the living room (as most of them are IMO). Also, I wanted something that would sound great playing music - this was the main priority. With all this in mind a Cyrus AV master is the perfect solution. There are more 'complete' units that decode more formats, but are massive, do not fit into most living rooms, and unless you spend stupid amounts of money just do not sound as nice.
The dress on the other hand... Gone... Never to be unfortunately. There is a cheaper one in the shop next door - but I think that I have spent out for now.
My mind is still in a complete spin - both from my state of mind prior to the vacation and other factors. I'm writing this with on average 4 hours sleep for the last 9 days. The amount of sleep I am getting is improving, but not quick enough - if it doesn't improve soon I think a trip to the quack may be in order. I can't help feeling that speaking to a head shrink would also be a good idea - but can't bring myself to do it... Maybe one day...
Going back to my post of a few weeks ago... I decided to treat myself to the new AV system. I have to say I'm pleased I did. Whilst speaking to guys in the shop we discussed what I wanted from the system and what it was capable of. Basically, I wanted a system that would give good surround sound, but that would not be an ugly splot in the living room (as most of them are IMO). Also, I wanted something that would sound great playing music - this was the main priority. With all this in mind a Cyrus AV master is the perfect solution. There are more 'complete' units that decode more formats, but are massive, do not fit into most living rooms, and unless you spend stupid amounts of money just do not sound as nice.
The dress on the other hand... Gone... Never to be unfortunately. There is a cheaper one in the shop next door - but I think that I have spent out for now.
My mind is still in a complete spin - both from my state of mind prior to the vacation and other factors. I'm writing this with on average 4 hours sleep for the last 9 days. The amount of sleep I am getting is improving, but not quick enough - if it doesn't improve soon I think a trip to the quack may be in order. I can't help feeling that speaking to a head shrink would also be a good idea - but can't bring myself to do it... Maybe one day...
Saturday, 11 July 2009
The pain of shopping
Over the last few weeks I've really been in a spending mood - but haven't managed to quite think what should be the focus of it yet...
There's a number of gadgets that have caught my attention - camcorders and a new AV center mainly. But when I stopped tho think about it just how much would I use a camcorder? And what would I do with what I record anyway. For photo's I generally just use them out of the camera - I'm not one for sitting for hours in photoshop to clean up images, and video takes much longer than a still. And for the new AV - just how much do I need it? I hav a nice system that does what I want. Yes the new one would be better, but how good can you have without needing a special room to get the best out of it?
Then there's clothes. There is a local shop that has a dress to die for. On sale so it's affordable, it's classy and sexy at the same time. Wonderful, I love walking past the shop just to check it's still there. So why don't I buy it? As with the gadgets - when would I use it? I don't go out so I just can't justify the cost. It would end up living in the wardrobe being taken out once a month just to check it still fits.
And of course after weeks of tearing myself apart trying to justify spending the cash what happens? Either the sale has ended making both clothes and gadgets too expensive, or they've been sold and you end up with nothing...
One of these days I'll actally be able to work out my own head...
There's a number of gadgets that have caught my attention - camcorders and a new AV center mainly. But when I stopped tho think about it just how much would I use a camcorder? And what would I do with what I record anyway. For photo's I generally just use them out of the camera - I'm not one for sitting for hours in photoshop to clean up images, and video takes much longer than a still. And for the new AV - just how much do I need it? I hav a nice system that does what I want. Yes the new one would be better, but how good can you have without needing a special room to get the best out of it?
Then there's clothes. There is a local shop that has a dress to die for. On sale so it's affordable, it's classy and sexy at the same time. Wonderful, I love walking past the shop just to check it's still there. So why don't I buy it? As with the gadgets - when would I use it? I don't go out so I just can't justify the cost. It would end up living in the wardrobe being taken out once a month just to check it still fits.
And of course after weeks of tearing myself apart trying to justify spending the cash what happens? Either the sale has ended making both clothes and gadgets too expensive, or they've been sold and you end up with nothing...
One of these days I'll actally be able to work out my own head...
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