Autumn

The leaves are turning and the weather has chilled. I've been struck by a cold, powerful but hopefully short. Yesterday I could barely think, today I just feel like I ran a marathon!

The streets in my neighbourhood are wide and lined with trees, and make this time of year beautiful!

Sometimes the leaves fall in a could of days and the grass is covered by a carpet of yellow, red and brown leaves. Other years, like this year, it's more of a gentle trickle of leaves over a week or two.

And something's are just better in colour:

Get me to the airport on time

Well, after a truly fantastic weekend, it's time to go home! I was warned that airport security was a pain and we were worried about traffic so we left with plenty of time to get there. 

No traffic and security in 5 minutes mean that I have two hours until the gate opens, and nearly two and a half until the flight is supposed to leave! Never mind, rather really early than 2 minutes late...

A wedding, family Sunday lunch and today shopping with my cousin (how my suitcase isn't too heavy I so not know!), who very kindly put up with me for a few days and I'm ready to see my family again! 

It's always a strange feeling, going home. I've loved my time here, and yet cannot wait to see my other half our my boy again!

A tinge of sadness this time as well. We all knew that the next time we will be together will be to say our last goodbyes to my father who is not well. I don't think that anyone managed to say goodbye to my parents when they had to leave the wedding reception early as he was too tired with dry eyes. And then everyone felt guilty for crying at someone else's special day.

So, whilst we all want to see each other again, we don't want it to be any time soon...

Coming out day

Something I am thinking of putting on Facebook for today:

Today is coming out day, not a day to force people to come out - that has to be done in your own timescale - but to make it visible that it's something very difficult that some people have to do.

Thinking about it took me back to when I started coming out, and made me realise that it's a process that doesn't really stop. For me, however, it did get easier to do.

The first time I was terrified of what people were going to think, how they were going to react and just how badly I was about to screw up my life.

And that is what stopped me for, oh, so many years. People commented on me being brave when I eventually did it. But I wasn't. I was petrified. In fact the only reason I did come out is that I was more afraid of ending up in hospital with a panic attack (again) or worse. Really, really not good times. I slept poorly, I could not concentrate on anything and felt I was spiralling away and had no idea what to do.

Thankfully the support around me, from close friends and family I told, to medical professionals, made that first round survivable. And so I moved forward. After each round of having to come out I had such support from a large majority of people that it gradually made the process easier.

But what I have noticed is that I still have to come out, even now 7 years after that first time. New people who give do a double take when I mention my wife rather than husband. Or those who get to know me well enough that my history becomes important (seeing as I refuse hide my past to those close to me - random strangers don't need to know my history, but I am not going to invent a second narrative to my life for those who get to know me now).

But, it is much easier now. Much. And for that I would like to thank each group of people that helped me in round before by being brilliant human beings and listening to me when I needed them to, and by treating me as just me when I told them.

Thank you! I have been unbelievably lucky with my story. Something I never take for granted. If only my story was the norm, as it should be, then there wouldn't be a need for coming out day, and  me from around 5 years old to 35 years old wouldn't have needed to be terrified and so alone.

Famous Five

Whilst walking between offices today I phased this alleyway leading to the back gardens of some houses.

My camera was drawn to the shadows, not quite the contrast I was hoping for, but nice enough.

But my mind was taken back more years than I wish to my childhood playing with my cousins in the summer holidays where we would cycle into the countryside, pretending to be from Enid Blyton's Famous Five looking for adventure down narrow pathways. Amazing how your mind can transport you back decades! (Not that we ever found smugglers, pirates or treasure though!)

Right time for some ginger beer and cake!